How to Find Purpose Through Surrender, with Kute Blackson

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One of the most difficult lessons in life
is learning how to surrender.

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We struggle to let go of broken
relationships, jobs, homes, our past, even

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parts of ourselves.

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We feel like surrendering means we're
quitting or giving up.

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But our guest today hopes to redefine the
idea of what surrendering means from

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something seen as weak or passive to the
most powerful thing a human being can do.

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Coming up on The Fit Mess.

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We may not be able to change the entire
planet, but what we can do.

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is begin to bring peace in our own hearts,
to begin to be a bit more compassionate

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with ourselves, to begin to be a bit more
kinder to ourselves, to begin to bring

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ourselves into more integrity and more
alignment and more wholeness and more

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harmony.

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If we all do a little bit, then I think
the projection in the world will also

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shift.

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That's Coot Blaxton.

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He's a transformational teacher and
bestselling author.

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Today, we'll talk with him about
harnessing the power of letting go.

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to discover more purpose and meaning in
our lives.

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But first, I'm Jeremy.

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And I'm Zach.

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We've spent years pushing ourselves to
learn more about our own physical,

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emotional, and mental health and picked up
a few coaching certificates along the way.

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But really, we're two guys who got sick of
our own shit and started making changes to

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be healthier, happier, and live more
meaningful lives.

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And each week, we talk to world -class
experts with advice to help you do the

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same.

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So Zach, I wish we had done this interview
a few weeks ago, because as we were

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wrapping up the kid's school year, I also
picked up some more work at the same time.

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The combination was completely
overwhelming and I fell into old habits of

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trying to control outcomes, control
behaviors, control the people around me.

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And it's so frustrating when I do that
because I know, and I preach to others all

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the time, the importance of letting go.

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But there I was trying to convince the
stupid river of life to flow in another

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direction.

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And then of course I get angry when it
doesn't listen.

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It's funny.

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You try and put that dam in and like.

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make the water go a different way.

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Something about that just makes life
clobber you.

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Yeah.

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When you're trying to push water up a
hill, as it turns out, that's kind of a

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losing battle.

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You need a really big bucket.

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Yeah.

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I've been having the same thing in the
last couple of weeks.

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I've been thrown out of all of my routines
and I'm really struggling to get a workout

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in, get to yoga, and do all the things
that I normally do.

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And I'm beating the shit out of myself for
not doing that stuff.

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Yeah.

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Part of me is just like, you suck.

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You're not performing to the image that
you have in your head.

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But I got life.

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Like I could probably step it up a little
bit in a couple of different areas, but

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for the most part, like I have reasonable
obligations that I need to take care of.

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And that's what's getting in the way here.

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So I just need to be okay with that.

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And be like, okay, this is my life.

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We'll figure something out.

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Life will figure it out.

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I will find a way to get to the gym, eat
the things I need to eat.

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But for right now I need to eat this
almond bar with chocolate drizzled all

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over it.

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Cause it's the only two seconds I have to
eat today.

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Get out of my head.

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I've been doing the exact same thing.

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I haven't gone to the gym and every day I
was like, Oh, I just can't stay steady.

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I can't stick to it.

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What's wrong with me?

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Why am I such a piece of shit?

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And I can't just stick to the stupid
commitment that I made to myself.

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And then finally, like I did have some
time today where I probably could have

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gone, but I was like, dude, okay, let's be
real.

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Okay.

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Tomorrow you're going to Las Vegas for a
week.

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You're not going to go to the gym while
you're on vacation.

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What is the point of squeezing in one more
workout today when you really don't have

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time, but because you tell this story to
yourself that this is a thing you have to

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do all the time, you're going to, you're
really, you're going to take time to go

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jam that in with everything you have going
on in your life, only to then not do it

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again for another week.

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Like let go dude, come on.

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It's fine.

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It's one day.

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I think under normal circumstances, I
would say, you know what?

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No, get that one workout in because every
single one workout.

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You're good.

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Yes.

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But in this situation, that would be your
first workout after not having worked out

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in a little bit and going to Vegas.

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Right.

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So you're going to be really, really sore
in Vegas.

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Right.

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No, Vegas is not a place you want to be
sore.

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No, no.

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And it's just, it's just done.

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And it's just because, you know, I made
this commitment to myself and, you know,

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when I've already dropped the ball for
seven days in a row, an eighth day is not

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going to, you know, it's not going to sink
the ship.

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Besides when you're, when you're, when
we're talking about being in pain and

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Vegas.

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It's on the way home that you are in pain,
not when you're on the way.

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Just, I mean, just quick sidebar.

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This is going to be my first time sober in
Vegas.

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So it's, it's going to be interesting to
not have that pain all the time.

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So more about that later.

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So even though like my, my eating is not
out of control, like I'm eating relatively

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healthy stuff.

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It's just not as healthy as I want it to
be.

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Right.

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Um, my exercise is still there.

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Like, you know, I walked a bazillion miles
in New York city at the pride festival the

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other day and.

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I'm getting exercise.

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I am moving.

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I'm just not doing the things that I
necessarily want to do.

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But through all of this, all of these
issues that I've been having with keeping

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to my schedule, one thing has remained and
I think has actually been keeping me

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grounded and giving me actually the energy
that I do need to do all the things that

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I've been doing.

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I've been taking athletic greens every
day.

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I started taking athletic greens because I
really needed to have a supplement that

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tasted great, gave me all the things that
I needed.

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And I didn't want to have to take 10 pills
a day or spend all of my time cooking all

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the meals.

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I try and get my nutrients from food, but
let's face it, we don't get everything we

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need every day from food.

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So, athetic greens was a great solution
for me.

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It tastes great.

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It gives me everything I need for more
energy, better gut health, optimized

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immune system.

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It has less than a gram of sugar and
there's no nasty chemicals or artificial

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anything.

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And it actually does taste good.

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And for what you get, it's less than $3 a
day.

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And right now is the time to incorporate
better health and Athletic Greens is a

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perfect start.

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All you have to do is visit athleticgreens
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health and pick up the ultimate daily
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That link will be on the show notes and
it's plastered all over our website at

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thefitmass .com.

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All right.

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Well, Zach and I are working very hard on
letting go of all those things we cling to

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to help ourselves feel better.

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And someone that can teach us a thing or
two is our guest today.

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His name is Coot Blaxton.

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He's the author of The Magic of Surrender,
Finding the Courage to Let Go.

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And we started by asking him why surrender
is something more of us should be leaning

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into, especially now.

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Wow.

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I think that surrender was the most
important thing we can do.

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I really believe that surrender is the
most powerful thing we can do.

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I really believe that surrender is the key
to our next level, is the key to

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greatness.

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If you look at the truly great ones,
whether it was Jesus, whether it was

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Buddha, whether it was Bruce Lee, whether
it was Muhammad Ali, whether it was

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Mandela, or whether it was Martin Luther
King, I think at some point they all

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surrendered themselves to life, to their
purpose, to their soul.

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And in surrendering, they transcended
their own human limitations.

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They tapped into a dimension of their
potential and dimension of life, and life

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was able to flow through them.

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And so I think that surrender gives us
access to a whole nother level of our

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potential.

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And, you know, I think right now, as we
look at the world and the uncertainty and

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the changes in the planet, and we just
went through a two year, you know, madness

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pandemic and people questioning what the
hell's going on and who am I and what's

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happening.

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I think that we've all been put into a
surrender seminar, so to speak, as a

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humanity.

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And I feel as though as a humanity,

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We are being initiated really into a new
way of living.

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And so I think unless we are truly
surrendering, we're going to go crazy.

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I think unless we're truly surrendering,
we're going to be frustrated and we're

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going to suffer.

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I like to say surrender or suffer.

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It's just the nature of life is constant
change and much of it we can't control.

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And I think part of surrender is letting
go.

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I'm going to say of the illusion of
control.

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because we think we have control, but
perhaps the last few years have shown us

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as a humanity, maybe we're not as in
control as we thought we were, control

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being a master addiction.

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I mean, we can talk about that, but we're
not as in control.

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I mean, life happens in ways that we
couldn't have planned and can't predict.

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And so surrender is really when we stop
trying to force.

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life to fit our limited idea, manipulate
life to fit our limited idea of what we

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think it should be.

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And it's when we let go of the idea of who
we think we should be and the way we think

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life should be.

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And when we get so attached to those
expectations of what we think, how we

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think things should be, how we think
people should be, that's when we set

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ourselves up for suffering.

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And so I think, especially in this time
when so much is uncertain, when we truly

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live surrender, we're going to be much
more free because,

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so many things that we expect aren't
happening the way we expected them to.

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And so I think in our culture though, we
have this misconception that surrender is

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weak, that surrender was passive, that
surrender means giving up, that it's like

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waving the white flag.

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So who the hell wants to surrender?

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That if you surrender, you're going to be
a victim, you're going to be a doormat,

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you're going to be taking advantage of,
you won't manifest your goals, dreams and

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desires.

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You're going to get less than.

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And really what I want people to...

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maybe refrain in their minds and see
surrender as something active and

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inspiring is that in surrender, what if
you didn't get less, but you got more?

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Like actually in letting go of your own
limitedness and ego's attachments and

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controlling nature, what if you actually
ended up getting more than you could have

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planned and imagined and intended with
your own ego's limited perspective?

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So I think surrender is...

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I think surrender is the key right now.

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I'm going to make an assumption that you
haven't always believed this.

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So I want to ask, you know, like, w w when
did you realize that surrendering was

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important to you?

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And I, and I really do love the way you
kind of put it there.

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I always took surrender as giving up,
right?

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Like you lost the battle and you're laying
down, but that's not it.

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So like, when did it first come into your
life?

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When did you first realize that this is
really important?

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Yeah, I could go in a few different ways
and that.

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Going all the way.

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Okay.

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So, so, so let me just say that on some
level it's been in my entire life the

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entire time, but like the magic of
surrender book was this was not the book

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or the topic I thought I was going to
write about.

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It was not the book or topic I wanted to
write about.

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I had all of these other plans and my own
agenda and the book I thought.

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would be a New York Times bestseller.

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The book I thought publishers would want,
the book I thought my audience would want,

231
00:11:00,090 --> 00:11:04,030
the book I thought, you know, would make
me reach more people.

232
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:10,150
And I had an entire white board of ideas
and none of those felt aligned.

233
00:11:10,150 --> 00:11:11,820
None of those felt in integrity.

234
00:11:11,820 --> 00:11:15,950
And the only word that stood out for me in
my brainstorming was the word surrender.

235
00:11:15,950 --> 00:11:18,770
And I was like, hell no, I don't write
about surrender because, you know, it's

236
00:11:18,770 --> 00:11:24,800
the thing that deep down as human beings,
we know we kind of should do, but we don't

237
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:25,326
want to do.

238
00:11:25,326 --> 00:11:28,946
And we resist for reasons which we can go
into as well.

239
00:11:28,946 --> 00:11:31,356
And I just felt the rightness of it.

240
00:11:31,356 --> 00:11:35,566
And when I surrendered to the book that
was seeking to be written, I had to

241
00:11:35,566 --> 00:11:37,206
surrender to the book about surrender.

242
00:11:37,206 --> 00:11:42,206
Then all of my entire life just began to
make freaking sense.

243
00:11:42,206 --> 00:11:46,176
Everything I went through from my
childhood and how I was raised and my

244
00:11:46,176 --> 00:11:47,806
parents started to make sense.

245
00:11:47,806 --> 00:11:54,958
But I would say more recently in 2016, my
mother was diagnosed with stomach cancer.

246
00:11:54,958 --> 00:12:00,928
And that's what really focused this theme
back into my life.

247
00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:05,248
I mean, it was something I'd been working
with and practicing, but this is when it

248
00:12:05,248 --> 00:12:07,158
really became into focus.

249
00:12:07,158 --> 00:12:09,398
She was diagnosed with stomach cancer.

250
00:12:09,638 --> 00:12:11,238
I was living, I'm living in LA.

251
00:12:11,238 --> 00:12:12,148
She was in London.

252
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:16,358
I basically started flying back and forth
every month to be with her and be with her

253
00:12:16,358 --> 00:12:17,298
in chemo sessions.

254
00:12:17,298 --> 00:12:22,238
So a week, a month I was in London just
taking care of her basically was, was

255
00:12:22,238 --> 00:12:22,858
brutal.

256
00:12:22,858 --> 00:12:23,246
And.

257
00:12:23,246 --> 00:12:29,726
I had every intention to make her well, to
heal her, you know, alternative therapies

258
00:12:29,726 --> 00:12:30,356
and supplements.

259
00:12:30,356 --> 00:12:35,586
And after about three or four months, I
think I realized pretty quickly that no

260
00:12:35,586 --> 00:12:40,606
amount of prayer, no matter of meditation,
no matter of alternative green juice,

261
00:12:40,606 --> 00:12:43,366
nothing was going to save her life.

262
00:12:43,366 --> 00:12:47,586
And I basically surrendered.

263
00:12:47,586 --> 00:12:53,030
And in that surrender, it really just
freed me up to just

264
00:12:53,262 --> 00:12:54,362
be with her.

265
00:12:54,362 --> 00:12:56,402
And there was no like future.

266
00:12:56,402 --> 00:12:59,562
There was just this moment holding her
hand.

267
00:12:59,562 --> 00:13:04,122
And that moment could be the last moment
and could be the last moment of sitting in

268
00:13:04,122 --> 00:13:06,992
chemo with that last moment to look into
her eyes, the last moment to have a cup of

269
00:13:06,992 --> 00:13:07,542
tea.

270
00:13:07,542 --> 00:13:12,622
And it just, I don't know, it changed my
life when I just stopped resisting.

271
00:13:12,642 --> 00:13:18,582
And about seven months into the process
with my mother, the doctors basically

272
00:13:18,582 --> 00:13:21,822
looked at us and they said, there's
nothing else we can do.

273
00:13:21,822 --> 00:13:23,298
You're going to die.

274
00:13:23,566 --> 00:13:26,086
And it was a very emotional moment.

275
00:13:26,086 --> 00:13:27,196
And they said, you're going to die.

276
00:13:27,196 --> 00:13:28,626
So get your affairs in order.

277
00:13:28,626 --> 00:13:34,906
And I think I looked my mother in the eyes
and I said to her, are you afraid?

278
00:13:35,126 --> 00:13:37,886
And she said, my mother's Japanese.

279
00:13:37,886 --> 00:13:38,996
It's a little Japanese woman.

280
00:13:38,996 --> 00:13:40,766
She said, no, I'm not afraid.

281
00:13:40,766 --> 00:13:42,426
And I said, why?

282
00:13:42,426 --> 00:13:47,756
And the first thing she said was, cause I
know I'm not this body, but this body is a

283
00:13:47,756 --> 00:13:49,376
temporary vehicle for my soul.

284
00:13:49,376 --> 00:13:53,294
And I know that even when I die, this body
will die, but.

285
00:13:53,294 --> 00:13:57,284
But when I die, like, I'm gonna be with
you from the other side.

286
00:13:57,284 --> 00:14:00,094
And so there was a fearlessness that she
had.

287
00:14:00,094 --> 00:14:04,474
And then I looked to her and I said, and
this is when I think, so when the really

288
00:14:04,474 --> 00:14:08,624
started coming into focus, I looked at her
and I said, what can I do for you as your

289
00:14:08,624 --> 00:14:11,194
son to make your final days easier?

290
00:14:11,194 --> 00:14:11,874
What do you need?

291
00:14:11,874 --> 00:14:12,294
What do you want?

292
00:14:12,294 --> 00:14:17,904
And she looked at me and she said, and I'm
not like a religious person, but I'm very

293
00:14:17,904 --> 00:14:18,494
spiritual.

294
00:14:18,494 --> 00:14:21,054
And she said, you know, there's nothing I
need.

295
00:14:21,054 --> 00:14:22,606
There's nothing I want.

296
00:14:22,606 --> 00:14:26,886
The only thing I want is what God wants
for my life.

297
00:14:27,346 --> 00:14:31,546
And in that moment, I realized that she
was free.

298
00:14:31,686 --> 00:14:36,166
Even in the most raw, real situation,
like, you know, it's easy to live

299
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:37,376
surrender when you get what you want.

300
00:14:37,376 --> 00:14:39,576
It's easy to live surrender when you have
a million dollars.

301
00:14:39,576 --> 00:14:43,406
It's easy to live surrender when you're in
the Himalayas, but when you're faced with

302
00:14:43,406 --> 00:14:48,426
your mortality in a real, raw situation,
my mother wasn't attached to living.

303
00:14:48,426 --> 00:14:50,036
She wasn't attached to dying.

304
00:14:50,036 --> 00:14:51,566
I looked in her eyes.

305
00:14:51,566 --> 00:14:59,186
And I saw that she was at peace, truly at
peace with whatever her soul's journey

306
00:14:59,186 --> 00:14:59,436
was.

307
00:14:59,436 --> 00:15:04,766
She was demonstrating surrender and this
entire year she didn't cry.

308
00:15:04,766 --> 00:15:05,786
She didn't feel like a victim.

309
00:15:05,786 --> 00:15:06,606
She didn't complain.

310
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:11,006
She was just being where she was
experiencing what she was experiencing,

311
00:15:11,006 --> 00:15:11,966
whatever was happening.

312
00:15:11,966 --> 00:15:13,846
She was just being with it.

313
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:19,566
And, and, and that showed me the power of
surrender, you know, and, and, and that's

314
00:15:19,566 --> 00:15:21,262
what really inspired me.

315
00:15:21,262 --> 00:15:24,522
and made me reflect in my own life in many
ways.

316
00:15:24,522 --> 00:15:28,672
Sometimes I wonder if the extreme
situations like that, where you really

317
00:15:28,672 --> 00:15:32,862
don't have a choice, it becomes easier to
surrender because what else are you going

318
00:15:32,862 --> 00:15:33,262
to do?

319
00:15:33,262 --> 00:15:36,582
You know, flail and scream and be angry.

320
00:15:36,622 --> 00:15:37,332
Which we do.

321
00:15:37,332 --> 00:15:37,892
Which we do.

322
00:15:37,892 --> 00:15:39,302
We do for sure.

323
00:15:39,322 --> 00:15:44,342
But why do we then, you know, when it's
just the simple things like, you know, the

324
00:15:44,342 --> 00:15:48,622
kids won't stop screaming, life won't, the
job won't work out, the thing won't.

325
00:15:48,622 --> 00:15:51,362
Why do we struggle against it so much?

326
00:15:51,362 --> 00:15:52,232
Right, right, right.

327
00:15:52,232 --> 00:15:55,202
I think it's a foundational question.

328
00:15:55,202 --> 00:15:57,286
And what I will say is...

329
00:15:59,438 --> 00:16:04,948
When you understand the nature of
something, it actually transforms your

330
00:16:04,948 --> 00:16:07,958
relationship with the something.

331
00:16:07,958 --> 00:16:14,858
And I think because we don't understand
the nature of who we are and what we are,

332
00:16:14,878 --> 00:16:16,398
it creates a lot of suffering.

333
00:16:16,398 --> 00:16:20,838
You see, surrender is our natural state.

334
00:16:21,698 --> 00:16:23,418
Just to kind of set a context.

335
00:16:23,418 --> 00:16:25,838
Now, I will say, yes, we do resist.

336
00:16:25,838 --> 00:16:27,118
This is normal.

337
00:16:27,578 --> 00:16:29,102
And surrender can seem hard.

338
00:16:29,102 --> 00:16:31,702
But really it's our natural state.

339
00:16:31,762 --> 00:16:33,742
If you look at, let me start here.

340
00:16:33,742 --> 00:16:40,822
If you look, what resists, constantly
resists, we are resistance machines as

341
00:16:40,822 --> 00:16:41,682
human beings.

342
00:16:41,682 --> 00:16:44,402
What resists is the ego.

343
00:16:45,182 --> 00:16:49,902
The ego is our perceived sense of self.

344
00:16:50,682 --> 00:16:53,454
Ego is what we perceive ourselves to be.

345
00:16:53,454 --> 00:16:59,024
and what we identify as, as name, as body,
as form, as person, as stories, as

346
00:16:59,024 --> 00:17:01,054
history, as memories from the past.

347
00:17:01,054 --> 00:17:09,804
And the more we identify with ourselves as
that thing, the more we are an ego, the

348
00:17:09,804 --> 00:17:13,714
more we're identified, the more type we
are.

349
00:17:13,814 --> 00:17:17,974
And we believe ourselves and we're
conditioned by society, by parents, by

350
00:17:17,974 --> 00:17:22,554
religion, by media, by life and everything
and everyone around us to believe that we

351
00:17:22,554 --> 00:17:23,473
are.

352
00:17:23,598 --> 00:17:25,558
this ego thing.

353
00:17:25,558 --> 00:17:33,398
So we believe we're the ego and the job of
the ego is to reinforce its existence and

354
00:17:33,398 --> 00:17:38,978
the job of the ego is to protect us to
make sure that we don't get hurt again.

355
00:17:39,598 --> 00:17:45,298
And so the ego means well but it's
limited.

356
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:50,190
See as children we were surrounded like

357
00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:52,380
We would run naked through the garden.

358
00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:53,130
We didn't care.

359
00:17:53,130 --> 00:17:54,060
I'm a little sad.

360
00:17:54,060 --> 00:17:55,250
What do I look like on Instagram?

361
00:17:55,250 --> 00:17:56,320
We were just beat.

362
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:59,810
We were completely surrendered being what
we were.

363
00:17:59,810 --> 00:18:02,690
We would jump on the table and sing.

364
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:07,130
We didn't care if we don't sound like, you
know, Bruno Mars, Celine Dion.

365
00:18:07,130 --> 00:18:10,690
We were just being beaming essence life.

366
00:18:10,690 --> 00:18:12,330
We would cry.

367
00:18:12,330 --> 00:18:13,230
Then we would laugh.

368
00:18:13,230 --> 00:18:14,530
We would hit our heads.

369
00:18:14,530 --> 00:18:16,800
Then we would cry, get over it and just
move on.

370
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,490
We wouldn't be wallowing about it.

371
00:18:18,490 --> 00:18:19,672
14, you know,

372
00:18:19,672 --> 00:18:24,072
weeks later, we were just being present in
the moment to me, that is surrender, being

373
00:18:24,072 --> 00:18:27,602
with the experience as it's arising and
being and embracing whatever's happening

374
00:18:27,602 --> 00:18:29,382
in the moment, pure surrender.

375
00:18:29,382 --> 00:18:30,332
So what the hell happens?

376
00:18:30,332 --> 00:18:35,082
I think it's important that we understand
the nature of how we get conditioned so

377
00:18:35,082 --> 00:18:39,122
that we understand the mechanism of the
ego so that we can see through it.

378
00:18:39,122 --> 00:18:43,402
With these bright beings in free flowing
surrender, we incarnate into the human

379
00:18:43,402 --> 00:18:44,382
experience.

380
00:18:44,382 --> 00:18:47,406
We meet our parents, our parents, you
know,

381
00:18:47,406 --> 00:18:50,406
interesting characters, we all have
interesting parents, they're just doing

382
00:18:50,406 --> 00:18:54,006
the best that they can do based on their
life and their upbringing, their childhood

383
00:18:54,006 --> 00:18:57,866
and their parents and their grandparents
and society media.

384
00:18:57,866 --> 00:19:03,666
So now as children we incarnate, we're
born into a preset pattern or framework of

385
00:19:03,666 --> 00:19:04,626
conditioning.

386
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:08,666
Maybe dad was an alcoholic, maybe mom had
mental health issues, maybe they're crazy,

387
00:19:08,666 --> 00:19:12,166
maybe they hate each other, maybe they're
fighting all the time, maybe there's

388
00:19:12,166 --> 00:19:13,582
abuse, mental, emotional.

389
00:19:13,582 --> 00:19:15,282
Maybe there's alcoholism, addiction.

390
00:19:15,282 --> 00:19:19,682
Maybe they're great people, but they just
didn't know how to meet our emotional

391
00:19:19,682 --> 00:19:20,022
needs.

392
00:19:20,022 --> 00:19:21,042
And that was painful.

393
00:19:21,042 --> 00:19:22,362
So two things happened.

394
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,432
And this is where ego gets created.

395
00:19:24,432 --> 00:19:28,762
And this is where we learn to start
controlling ultimately to function and

396
00:19:28,762 --> 00:19:29,042
survive.

397
00:19:29,042 --> 00:19:34,152
First thing is we learn to often
unconsciously to disconnect, shut down and

398
00:19:34,152 --> 00:19:34,922
not feel.

399
00:19:34,922 --> 00:19:38,702
And we start suppressing, controlling,
suppressing our feelings, emotions,

400
00:19:38,702 --> 00:19:40,354
suppressing the pain, suppressing.

401
00:19:40,354 --> 00:19:43,184
before you know it, layers and layers and
layers and layers and layers and and

402
00:19:43,184 --> 00:19:48,144
layers of unfelt, unprocessed feeling
begins to build up and our true light, our

403
00:19:48,144 --> 00:19:53,564
true essence gets kind of buried
underneath the layers of decades of unfelt

404
00:19:53,564 --> 00:19:58,484
feeling and emotion that we have to
control, control in order to like not feel

405
00:19:58,484 --> 00:20:01,304
the pain and survive because we feel it's
going to be overwhelming.

406
00:20:01,304 --> 00:20:06,184
And then we kind of can turn ourselves
into a certain shape and we erect walls

407
00:20:06,184 --> 00:20:09,966
around our hearts and our sensitivities in
order to

408
00:20:09,966 --> 00:20:11,086
not feel the pain again.

409
00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:15,156
And now we hold on to a certain way we go
into our mind, become overly analytical,

410
00:20:15,156 --> 00:20:20,356
disconnect, and our heart gets very
guarded in the heart, not because we're

411
00:20:20,356 --> 00:20:24,726
bad, not because we're controlling people,
but ultimately it's survival.

412
00:20:24,726 --> 00:20:32,006
So now the way that we learn to survive
when we were five, we do when we're 10 and

413
00:20:32,006 --> 00:20:32,846
then 15.

414
00:20:32,846 --> 00:20:35,780
And it worked for us when we were five,
but now we're 25.

415
00:20:35,982 --> 00:20:39,992
And now we're 35 in relationships, you
know, and falling in love and now we're

416
00:20:39,992 --> 00:20:40,662
45.

417
00:20:40,662 --> 00:20:42,902
It now starts limiting us.

418
00:20:42,902 --> 00:20:49,042
And so the mechanism with which we learn
to control the ego thinks that if we can

419
00:20:49,042 --> 00:20:54,072
control everything and everyone around us,
I'm going to be safe and I won't get hurt

420
00:20:54,072 --> 00:20:54,742
again.

421
00:20:54,742 --> 00:20:58,172
And so we learn a way of being in order to
not get hurt.

422
00:20:58,172 --> 00:21:03,072
We also learn the sense of who do I need
to be in order to get love and validation

423
00:21:03,072 --> 00:21:03,632
and approval?

424
00:21:03,632 --> 00:21:05,176
If I can, you know, it's

425
00:21:05,176 --> 00:21:07,396
If I respond a certain way, dad loves me.

426
00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:10,676
If I don't respond a certain way, mom, you
know, gives me a pat on the head.

427
00:21:10,676 --> 00:21:11,486
Good boy, good girl.

428
00:21:11,486 --> 00:21:17,886
So we start developing a role, a mask, a
persona, an identity based on who we think

429
00:21:17,886 --> 00:21:21,096
we need to be to get love, to get
validation, to get approval, which again

430
00:21:21,096 --> 00:21:21,806
is survival.

431
00:21:21,806 --> 00:21:28,506
So we unconsciously can tour ourselves
into a certain shape, a pattern that is

432
00:21:28,506 --> 00:21:30,726
really a set of.

433
00:21:30,734 --> 00:21:34,834
of conditioned patterns that we think we
are.

434
00:21:34,834 --> 00:21:38,554
It's like, ah, it's coot, it's John, it's
Donald, it's Susie.

435
00:21:38,554 --> 00:21:40,134
It's like, this is who we've become.

436
00:21:40,134 --> 00:21:45,694
We become nice, we become sweet, we become
the yes person, we become the caretaker,

437
00:21:45,694 --> 00:21:49,554
we become the responsible one, we become
always appropriate, we're always smiling,

438
00:21:49,554 --> 00:21:50,614
always happy.

439
00:21:50,614 --> 00:21:55,584
All of which is great, but in so many
ways, we develop these roles that we hold

440
00:21:55,584 --> 00:21:58,134
onto that gets reinforced by those around
us.

441
00:21:58,134 --> 00:22:00,378
So we become the shape of a person.

442
00:22:00,430 --> 00:22:06,370
thinking that the version of ourselves
that we become is who we are, not

443
00:22:06,370 --> 00:22:11,610
realizing it's really a conditioned set of
patterns that we've learned to hold onto

444
00:22:11,610 --> 00:22:12,910
as ourselves.

445
00:22:12,910 --> 00:22:17,710
So really what I want people to understand
is like, is who you are, who you really

446
00:22:17,710 --> 00:22:21,050
are, or is it simply who you've been
conditioned to become?

447
00:22:21,050 --> 00:22:27,810
And this position, this version, the set
pattern that we've become is ego.

448
00:22:28,170 --> 00:22:30,620
Ego is not a thing.

449
00:22:30,702 --> 00:22:33,762
We think ego is a thing and we think ego
is us.

450
00:22:33,762 --> 00:22:36,442
And then we hold onto like, this is just
who I am.

451
00:22:36,442 --> 00:22:39,202
Ego is a process.

452
00:22:39,202 --> 00:22:44,632
It's a process of identification that has
happened from very young that has been

453
00:22:44,632 --> 00:22:45,122
reinforced.

454
00:22:45,122 --> 00:22:48,682
But we think it's a thing because all of
society reinforces that.

455
00:22:48,682 --> 00:22:50,262
So we hold onto that.

456
00:22:50,262 --> 00:22:54,982
And so for the ego whose job is to make
sure we don't feel helpless, like we felt

457
00:22:54,982 --> 00:22:58,210
when we were five, to make sure we don't
go through that sense of.

458
00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:02,510
you know, fear when Dan was raging and it
was so much uncertainty.

459
00:23:02,510 --> 00:23:07,350
So we just kind of shut down disconnected
and learned to numb ourselves.

460
00:23:08,330 --> 00:23:14,170
And so for the ego, when you talk about,
Hey, go with the flow, surrender, let go.

461
00:23:14,170 --> 00:23:16,010
It's like, hell no.

462
00:23:16,010 --> 00:23:20,190
That that's like terrifying because like
what might happen.

463
00:23:20,190 --> 00:23:22,610
And that's why ego doesn't want to change.

464
00:23:22,610 --> 00:23:24,150
Ego doesn't want to reinvent itself.

465
00:23:24,150 --> 00:23:26,702
Ego isn't open to new ideas.

466
00:23:26,702 --> 00:23:32,562
because new ideas might mean I have to
question what I currently believe.

467
00:23:32,562 --> 00:23:36,002
I have to question who I thought I am.

468
00:23:36,642 --> 00:23:38,722
And that's a little scary.

469
00:23:38,722 --> 00:23:40,642
And so we don't question, we're not open.

470
00:23:40,642 --> 00:23:45,012
We just, we want to, ego wants everything
and everyone else to change, but it

471
00:23:45,012 --> 00:23:45,942
doesn't want to change.

472
00:23:45,942 --> 00:23:47,242
And that's why we did.

473
00:23:47,242 --> 00:23:52,182
So, so all I'll say is when we understand
the nature of ego and when we start

474
00:23:52,182 --> 00:23:55,086
understanding that it's a pattern and a
process on a thing.

475
00:23:55,086 --> 00:24:00,516
and then we understand that we are not
that, what we are is so much more, then we

476
00:24:00,516 --> 00:24:07,196
can begin to observe the pattern that we
previously over -identified as me, and we

477
00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:14,306
can start seeing the dots and the pattern
like, shit, I always do the same thing.

478
00:24:14,306 --> 00:24:17,266
My wife responds the same way, I react the
same way.

479
00:24:17,266 --> 00:24:20,306
My boss responds the same way, it's the
same freaking reaction.

480
00:24:20,306 --> 00:24:21,326
And when you start up,

481
00:24:21,326 --> 00:24:24,376
up until that point, we're so identified
with it, we don't see it.

482
00:24:24,376 --> 00:24:26,106
There's no freedom because they're being
reactive.

483
00:24:26,106 --> 00:24:30,516
But when you really step back, you can
start seeing the reactions and the pattern

484
00:24:30,516 --> 00:24:32,426
that you previously thought was you.

485
00:24:32,426 --> 00:24:37,376
And here's the thing, because you
understand the job of the ego to keep you

486
00:24:37,376 --> 00:24:43,886
safe, not only can you start observing it,
which creates some space and freedom, but

487
00:24:43,886 --> 00:24:49,126
then you can start meeting it with
compassion.

488
00:24:49,126 --> 00:24:50,574
Part of the surrender,

489
00:24:50,574 --> 00:24:56,954
is to begin meeting your ego, which is the
mechanism that resists surrender with

490
00:24:56,954 --> 00:24:57,914
compassion.

491
00:24:57,914 --> 00:25:03,914
Because when you can meet the ego with
compassion versus judgment or force, then

492
00:25:03,914 --> 00:25:08,634
the mechanism of the ego, which is rooted
in fear, can begin to relax.

493
00:25:08,634 --> 00:25:13,004
And to me, real healing happens when we
can meet ourselves with love and

494
00:25:13,004 --> 00:25:13,714
compassion.

495
00:25:13,714 --> 00:25:17,994
And that's when true surrender can happen,
because the part of us that's resisting

496
00:25:17,994 --> 00:25:19,374
can begin to relax.

497
00:25:19,374 --> 00:25:23,774
So anyway, that's a kind of a whole
explanation.

498
00:25:23,954 --> 00:25:26,764
I'll just say when I was five, were you in
the living room?

499
00:25:26,764 --> 00:25:29,584
Because you basically described what it
was like for me when I was five.

500
00:25:29,584 --> 00:25:32,234
I mean, that was that was how I grew up.

501
00:25:32,354 --> 00:25:35,054
So there's a little bit of my drama.

502
00:25:35,054 --> 00:25:36,074
But yeah.

503
00:25:36,114 --> 00:25:36,534
Yeah.

504
00:25:36,534 --> 00:25:42,714
But I guess I guess I really want to fast
forward a little bit in there.

505
00:25:42,714 --> 00:25:47,918
OK, so I've got my seven hundred thousand
layer cake of feelings that I've put away.

506
00:25:47,918 --> 00:25:52,718
Um, that I'm not feeling and, and my ego
is, is driving my life and, and you're

507
00:25:52,718 --> 00:25:56,338
literally burying it by eating that cake
on a daily basis.

508
00:25:56,818 --> 00:25:57,298
Yep.

509
00:25:57,298 --> 00:26:03,018
So I hear your story, I hear your message
and I want to start taking those steps to

510
00:26:03,018 --> 00:26:09,228
understand my ego and understand who I am
so that I can surrender so that I can have

511
00:26:09,228 --> 00:26:10,338
that life.

512
00:26:10,658 --> 00:26:12,018
What can I start doing?

513
00:26:12,018 --> 00:26:15,998
Like this isn't something I guess, maybe
if you have like a, a really tough

514
00:26:15,998 --> 00:26:17,932
situation like you did, it can be a.

515
00:26:17,932 --> 00:26:23,312
game time decision where it happens, but
you know, how does somebody ease into

516
00:26:23,312 --> 00:26:23,562
this?

517
00:26:23,562 --> 00:26:26,992
Like this can't be a one and done kind of
decision.

518
00:26:26,992 --> 00:26:27,382
Yeah.

519
00:26:27,382 --> 00:26:33,032
No, I think it's a lifetime process, you
know, I think, so I think we are all in

520
00:26:33,032 --> 00:26:38,962
the process of surrender because we're
alive and life is really the process of

521
00:26:38,962 --> 00:26:42,462
surrender because you know, you can't
control a lot of this stuff out here.

522
00:26:42,462 --> 00:26:43,322
It's just happened.

523
00:26:43,322 --> 00:26:44,334
You're born.

524
00:26:44,334 --> 00:26:48,804
And then you age and you die and, and, you
know, hair falls down and no matter what

525
00:26:48,804 --> 00:26:55,054
you do, the body does things, you know,
when you're 98, 70, a hundred.

526
00:26:55,054 --> 00:26:58,894
And so I think it's not about whether
you're going to surrender.

527
00:26:58,934 --> 00:27:04,804
It's just about how we participate in the
process of surrender.

528
00:27:04,804 --> 00:27:08,614
That is life itself in this game of life.

529
00:27:09,034 --> 00:27:10,604
None of us make it out of here alive.

530
00:27:10,604 --> 00:27:13,054
And that's the, you could say the ultimate
surrender.

531
00:27:13,054 --> 00:27:13,646
And so.

532
00:27:13,646 --> 00:27:15,846
I think if someone's wondering, okay,
where do I start?

533
00:27:15,846 --> 00:27:16,676
How do I start?

534
00:27:16,676 --> 00:27:20,266
I think there's maybe a couple of places.

535
00:27:20,326 --> 00:27:27,126
One might be to just begin gently
questioning yourself.

536
00:27:27,326 --> 00:27:28,786
You don't have to do anything with that.

537
00:27:28,786 --> 00:27:29,686
Just start questioning.

538
00:27:29,686 --> 00:27:33,906
Okay, I thought I am who I am, but I'm
here and maybe I'm not.

539
00:27:33,906 --> 00:27:37,286
And just begin questioning, like, who am
I?

540
00:27:37,366 --> 00:27:38,506
What am I?

541
00:27:38,506 --> 00:27:39,806
What do I believe?

542
00:27:40,226 --> 00:27:41,390
All these belic

543
00:27:41,390 --> 00:27:46,350
Because ego in our sense is held together
by a set of beliefs that we identify and

544
00:27:46,350 --> 00:27:49,550
hold onto that is the construct of who we
think we are.

545
00:27:49,550 --> 00:27:53,050
And so if we just even begin questioning,
who am I?

546
00:27:53,050 --> 00:27:53,770
And what do I believe?

547
00:27:53,770 --> 00:27:54,950
Do really believe that?

548
00:27:54,950 --> 00:27:56,250
Do I know that to be true?

549
00:27:56,250 --> 00:27:57,350
Is that my truth?

550
00:27:57,350 --> 00:28:01,770
I know I was told that by my parents and I
was told to believe that by my uncle and

551
00:28:01,770 --> 00:28:04,070
my dad, but I never really questioned.

552
00:28:04,070 --> 00:28:09,110
And so many, many times we just haven't
questioned ourselves as human beings.

553
00:28:09,110 --> 00:28:09,990
And so...

554
00:28:09,998 --> 00:28:13,238
just begin questioning, we often don't
question our stories and our thoughts.

555
00:28:13,238 --> 00:28:17,008
We're constantly telling ourselves things
like, I'm not enough and I'm not wealthy

556
00:28:17,008 --> 00:28:17,858
and I'm unlovable.

557
00:28:17,858 --> 00:28:24,838
And I'm, because we have experiences in
life that we think prove that point that

558
00:28:24,838 --> 00:28:26,438
maybe I'm not lovable.

559
00:28:26,438 --> 00:28:30,368
And we don't really question our beliefs
and our stories.

560
00:28:30,368 --> 00:28:34,238
And so I just invite people to really
question, is that true?

561
00:28:34,258 --> 00:28:35,158
I'm not lovable.

562
00:28:35,158 --> 00:28:37,298
How do I know that to be true?

563
00:28:37,298 --> 00:28:39,342
And so I think something starts happening.

564
00:28:39,342 --> 00:28:41,582
when we really begin questioning
ourselves.

565
00:28:41,582 --> 00:28:42,402
That's one.

566
00:28:42,402 --> 00:28:47,942
The other thing I would invite people to
do is look at, one of the things that

567
00:28:47,942 --> 00:28:54,152
keeps us stuck resisting and from truly
surrendering are all the lies that we tell

568
00:28:54,152 --> 00:28:55,182
ourselves.

569
00:28:55,402 --> 00:29:00,832
I think as human beings in many ways,
because of the reasons I shared about the

570
00:29:00,832 --> 00:29:06,142
ego and the construct, in many ways we lie
to ourselves and we don't even know that

571
00:29:06,142 --> 00:29:07,608
we're lying to ourselves.

572
00:29:07,662 --> 00:29:11,222
We're just lying to ourselves about who we
are, about what we feel, about what we

573
00:29:11,222 --> 00:29:13,502
want, about so much.

574
00:29:13,502 --> 00:29:17,952
Many times we're afraid of, if I am who I
really am, then you won't love me.

575
00:29:17,952 --> 00:29:22,652
And so we've learned to hide who we are,
betray parts of ourselves in order to fit

576
00:29:22,652 --> 00:29:25,362
in, get loved, be validated in the world.

577
00:29:25,362 --> 00:29:32,592
And so we stay in relationships that we
know aren't right or aren't aligned, where

578
00:29:32,592 --> 00:29:33,442
we're not in love.

579
00:29:33,442 --> 00:29:36,326
And we work jobs that we know...

580
00:29:37,646 --> 00:29:39,026
compromise our integrity.

581
00:29:39,026 --> 00:29:42,766
And this is not the true purpose why we
were born and put on this planet and

582
00:29:42,766 --> 00:29:45,986
wonder why we feel pain and why we feel
unhappy while we feel miserable.

583
00:29:45,986 --> 00:29:52,166
And so I think if someone wants to begin,
begin by telling the truth to yourself and

584
00:29:52,166 --> 00:29:56,746
just ask yourself maybe the question,
okay, what lies in my telling myself?

585
00:29:56,746 --> 00:29:57,926
Let me just start that.

586
00:29:57,926 --> 00:30:01,866
What lies am I telling myself?

587
00:30:01,866 --> 00:30:07,286
The way the ego resists and keeps things
kind of together is we live in denial.

588
00:30:07,286 --> 00:30:09,806
You know, we live unconsciously or in
denial.

589
00:30:09,806 --> 00:30:10,646
We don't want to know.

590
00:30:10,646 --> 00:30:12,966
We don't want to see because then I don't
have to change.

591
00:30:12,966 --> 00:30:13,866
I don't have to change.

592
00:30:13,866 --> 00:30:15,026
So then we resist.

593
00:30:15,026 --> 00:30:17,766
And one of the ways we do that is lying.

594
00:30:17,766 --> 00:30:22,726
And so I would just invite people to sit
with what lies am I telling myself?

595
00:30:22,726 --> 00:30:24,006
Just be with the question.

596
00:30:24,006 --> 00:30:25,766
Innocent, genuine.

597
00:30:25,946 --> 00:30:27,366
What lies am I telling myself?

598
00:30:27,366 --> 00:30:28,326
Wow.

599
00:30:28,326 --> 00:30:33,390
Sometimes it can like there is no real
transformation without truth.

600
00:30:33,390 --> 00:30:36,220
and you have to want the truth more than
you want what you have.

601
00:30:36,220 --> 00:30:39,470
And you have to want the truth more than
you want what you think you want.

602
00:30:39,470 --> 00:30:45,210
And so when you just sit with that, it can
feel scary because sometimes we don't tell

603
00:30:45,210 --> 00:30:48,920
ourselves the truth because we're afraid
of the consequences of what will happen.

604
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:52,910
Wow, if I tell myself the truth, I might
have to let go of my relationship.

605
00:30:52,910 --> 00:30:55,710
If I tell myself the truth, I might have
to leave my job.

606
00:30:55,710 --> 00:31:02,130
And so what ego does is we begin to create
a kind of smoke screen sometimes of

607
00:31:02,130 --> 00:31:03,122
confusion.

608
00:31:03,374 --> 00:31:04,614
I'm confused.

609
00:31:04,614 --> 00:31:06,234
I don't really know what's right for me.

610
00:31:06,234 --> 00:31:07,634
I don't really know what my purpose is.

611
00:31:07,634 --> 00:31:11,124
I don't really, because if I don't really
know, let's say, what my purpose is,

612
00:31:11,124 --> 00:31:15,294
right, then I don't have to really risk
and put myself out there.

613
00:31:15,294 --> 00:31:19,074
I can always live in the comfort safety
zone of where I am.

614
00:31:19,074 --> 00:31:22,504
And I can always have the future fantasy
of having that purpose, but I don't have

615
00:31:22,504 --> 00:31:25,174
to put myself on the line and risk the
rejection and the failure.

616
00:31:25,174 --> 00:31:30,874
If I don't really know if this
relationship is right for me, then, or if

617
00:31:30,874 --> 00:31:33,102
this is the one or this is not the one
or...

618
00:31:33,102 --> 00:31:37,592
then I don't have to do anything about it,
but deep down, I think there's a part of

619
00:31:37,592 --> 00:31:38,982
us that knows.

620
00:31:39,082 --> 00:31:44,252
And so one thing that I found helps when
it comes to acknowledging the truth is

621
00:31:44,252 --> 00:31:48,142
taking, take the, I always tell people,
take the pressure off of yourself from

622
00:31:48,142 --> 00:31:49,662
having to take action.

623
00:31:49,662 --> 00:31:53,242
Because if you just take the pressure off
of yourself, I'm having to actually take

624
00:31:53,242 --> 00:31:54,162
action.

625
00:31:54,162 --> 00:31:57,672
Then that means if I, if you can just
start acknowledging the truth, you know

626
00:31:57,672 --> 00:31:58,502
what?

627
00:31:58,802 --> 00:32:00,642
I'm not in love with this person.

628
00:32:00,642 --> 00:32:02,350
I haven't been in love.

629
00:32:02,350 --> 00:32:07,780
for 10 years and it's painful and I'm
afraid and I know it, but I'm no longer in

630
00:32:07,780 --> 00:32:11,130
love and just feel that it's you don't
have to leave.

631
00:32:11,130 --> 00:32:12,350
You don't have to break up.

632
00:32:12,350 --> 00:32:17,830
You don't have to divorce, but just start
feeling the energy of the truth.

633
00:32:17,830 --> 00:32:19,470
I hate my job.

634
00:32:19,870 --> 00:32:23,410
Scary to say that because oh shit, well,
how am I going to survive?

635
00:32:23,410 --> 00:32:26,050
And I don't even want to acknowledge I
hate my job because what does that?

636
00:32:26,050 --> 00:32:26,800
I hate my job.

637
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:28,010
I don't have to leave.

638
00:32:28,010 --> 00:32:31,150
And let me just feel that that starts a
process inside.

639
00:32:31,150 --> 00:32:31,998
And so.

640
00:32:32,238 --> 00:32:36,178
The next question you can ask yourself is
like, okay, what lies am I telling myself?

641
00:32:36,178 --> 00:32:39,618
And what are the lies that I'm telling
myself costing me?

642
00:32:39,618 --> 00:32:40,918
What does it cost?

643
00:32:40,918 --> 00:32:44,058
Really, it's ultimately, it's painful.

644
00:32:44,058 --> 00:32:46,838
So somebody might say, but how do I know
if I'm lying to myself?

645
00:32:46,838 --> 00:32:50,518
If I'm lying to myself, because you will
feel pain.

646
00:32:50,598 --> 00:32:55,858
There will likely be a level of pain that
you will feel in your life.

647
00:32:55,858 --> 00:32:58,118
And that pain is a messenger.

648
00:32:58,118 --> 00:32:59,758
That pain is a blessing.

649
00:32:59,758 --> 00:33:00,654
That pain...

650
00:33:00,654 --> 00:33:04,604
I believe is your friend, the pain is just
trying to give you feedback that there's a

651
00:33:04,604 --> 00:33:07,554
lie that you're telling yourself, or
there's a part of yourself that you're not

652
00:33:07,554 --> 00:33:10,354
in integrity with, that you're betraying,
that you're not acknowledging.

653
00:33:10,354 --> 00:33:14,304
And that pain is just trying to get your
attention so that you can course correct.

654
00:33:14,304 --> 00:33:17,194
The issue isn't that we feel pain in our
lives.

655
00:33:17,194 --> 00:33:20,414
The issue is that we distract from the
pain.

656
00:33:20,414 --> 00:33:24,274
We drink it away, we sex it away, we drug
it away, we smoke it away, we shop it

657
00:33:24,274 --> 00:33:29,224
away, we meditate it away, we social media
it away, just so that we don't have to

658
00:33:29,224 --> 00:33:30,056
feel.

659
00:33:30,062 --> 00:33:33,262
the pain, but the pain we feel is a
messenger.

660
00:33:33,262 --> 00:33:38,302
And so when we lie to ourselves, it will
tend to manifest as an emotional pain,

661
00:33:38,502 --> 00:33:43,302
depression, lethargy, lack of aliveness,
apathy.

662
00:33:43,302 --> 00:33:44,742
That's giving you a silence.

663
00:33:44,742 --> 00:33:47,402
Some think you're suppressing, not dealing
with.

664
00:33:47,402 --> 00:33:51,422
It might manifest as a temporary, let's
say, physical ailment.

665
00:33:51,422 --> 00:33:56,182
It might manifest as a, let's say, more
serious ongoing disease where the body has

666
00:33:56,182 --> 00:33:58,798
an intelligence and your truth.

667
00:33:58,798 --> 00:34:02,458
is unconsciously manifesting through your
physiology.

668
00:34:02,458 --> 00:34:06,638
And so all of these things are, I believe,
messengers that we get to pay attention

669
00:34:06,638 --> 00:34:06,868
to.

670
00:34:06,868 --> 00:34:12,258
And so I think what people can just begin
is starting with the truth.

671
00:34:12,258 --> 00:34:19,678
You don't have to like sell everything and
move to India or Tibet or Peru.

672
00:34:19,678 --> 00:34:22,242
It just might be just saying, you know
what?

673
00:34:23,919 --> 00:34:26,969
I'm not really in love with this person
and that scares me.

674
00:34:26,969 --> 00:34:30,239
Let me just be with that a moment and just
feel that.

675
00:34:30,239 --> 00:34:35,239
I'm not going to take action, but I'm
going to just be with them and just see

676
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:36,719
what happens.

677
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:37,899
And so starting with the truth.

678
00:34:37,899 --> 00:34:39,333
I think the truth...

679
00:34:41,839 --> 00:34:43,999
Truth is real spiritual practice.

680
00:34:43,999 --> 00:34:46,579
Truth is real therapy.

681
00:34:46,579 --> 00:34:51,819
Truth will set us free, but it can be a
little scary for us.

682
00:34:51,819 --> 00:34:58,929
But I think if we start there, that begins
a process inside and there's no way you

683
00:34:58,929 --> 00:35:03,579
can not transform it if you begin going
down the path of truth.

684
00:35:03,579 --> 00:35:04,959
That's what I found.

685
00:35:04,979 --> 00:35:07,278
I have 4 ,000 more questions.

686
00:35:07,278 --> 00:35:10,498
One of them is about your free seminar
that's coming up, but can I sneak one more

687
00:35:10,498 --> 00:35:12,678
in before we get to please, please go for
it.

688
00:35:12,678 --> 00:35:17,638
I keep thinking about this concept of
surrender and giving up and I recently

689
00:35:17,638 --> 00:35:20,138
moved from the United States to Canada.

690
00:35:20,138 --> 00:35:20,588
Wow.

691
00:35:20,588 --> 00:35:24,548
And I worked in the news media and so I
was very much in plugged into every fight

692
00:35:24,548 --> 00:35:29,658
and every social movement and thing that
was going on in the world.

693
00:35:29,658 --> 00:35:33,378
I can't help but think of the people right
now with what just happened with the

694
00:35:33,378 --> 00:35:37,272
Supreme Court in the United States and the
fight that everyone is in.

695
00:35:37,272 --> 00:35:41,022
there right now, the fight that we just
went through over masks and vaccinations,

696
00:35:41,022 --> 00:35:44,662
the fight, everyone's got to be fighting
for this thing that is a part of who they

697
00:35:44,662 --> 00:35:47,862
are and the future of the world depends on
it.

698
00:35:48,202 --> 00:35:53,202
How do I, how does that person, me, that
person, whoever they are, how do you

699
00:35:53,202 --> 00:35:56,052
balance giving, I shouldn't say giving up,
that's not the right word.

700
00:35:56,052 --> 00:35:59,622
How do you balance surrender with
advocacy?

701
00:35:59,862 --> 00:36:05,532
Because it sounds beautiful to say
whatever, whatever is meant to be will be

702
00:36:05,532 --> 00:36:06,094
and.

703
00:36:06,094 --> 00:36:08,974
and I can ride this wave and go where it
needs to take me.

704
00:36:08,974 --> 00:36:12,924
But if I don't like a world where abortion
is illegal, if I don't like a world where

705
00:36:12,924 --> 00:36:17,274
people aren't vaccinated, I don't want to
sit by and wait and see if that works out.

706
00:36:17,274 --> 00:36:20,834
So how do you balance surrender with
advocacy?

707
00:36:21,774 --> 00:36:26,494
So yeah, it's a multi -layered question, I
think.

708
00:36:26,494 --> 00:36:31,424
And I want to access it from different
places as well and give an answer.

709
00:36:31,424 --> 00:36:33,126
I would say that...

710
00:36:33,384 --> 00:36:35,374
Surrender is not giving up.

711
00:36:35,374 --> 00:36:38,614
Surrender is not abdication of
responsibility.

712
00:36:38,614 --> 00:36:41,734
Surrender doesn't mean you don't take
action, just to be clear.

713
00:36:41,734 --> 00:36:48,494
I think that surrender requires that you
feel, truly feel your deepest integrity,

714
00:36:48,494 --> 00:36:54,654
your deepest truth, your deepest truth
beyond your attachment, beyond your

715
00:36:54,654 --> 00:36:56,734
conditioning, beyond just what you want.

716
00:36:56,734 --> 00:37:01,874
And you feel what's most true, what's most
sincere, what's most authentic, what's

717
00:37:01,874 --> 00:37:02,758
most...

718
00:37:03,284 --> 00:37:08,934
seeking to express through you genuinely,
authentically, you know, in terms of your

719
00:37:08,934 --> 00:37:15,094
true purpose, your true essence, and then
you align with that.

720
00:37:15,434 --> 00:37:18,924
And when you align with that, to me, it's
like when you catch that vision for

721
00:37:18,924 --> 00:37:22,894
yourself and your life and you align with
that, then...

722
00:37:22,894 --> 00:37:27,304
just to be clear, then you move in the
direction, then you align your

723
00:37:27,304 --> 00:37:30,684
personality, your ego, your personality,
your thoughts, your thinking, your

724
00:37:30,684 --> 00:37:34,494
resources, your money, your vote, your
belief, then you align your action with

725
00:37:34,494 --> 00:37:36,444
what is authentic and what's true.

726
00:37:36,444 --> 00:37:39,914
Then you're going in a direction of what's
true.

727
00:37:39,914 --> 00:37:44,504
And so sometimes surrender might mean you
work harder than you've ever worked, you

728
00:37:44,504 --> 00:37:49,606
know, in pursuit of a cause that is in
alignment with your truth.

729
00:37:49,614 --> 00:37:54,454
just to make clear, like we look at people
like Andy and Mother Teresa and Mandela, I

730
00:37:54,454 --> 00:37:59,334
mean, they work nonstop for a cause that
was true and authentic for them.

731
00:37:59,334 --> 00:38:04,434
They were being lived by a mission and a
purpose that was bigger than them.

732
00:38:04,434 --> 00:38:10,394
And so it doesn't mean you sit there and
do nothing, but what you are pursuing is

733
00:38:10,394 --> 00:38:15,894
real and authentic and aligned with your
soul, something deeper than just your ego,

734
00:38:15,894 --> 00:38:16,854
right?

735
00:38:17,094 --> 00:38:19,630
That's kind of one thing I would say.

736
00:38:19,630 --> 00:38:25,510
The other thing I would say is, now this
might be a little controversial, but I

737
00:38:25,510 --> 00:38:32,590
think at least for me, being on a
spiritual path, being around many, many,

738
00:38:32,590 --> 00:38:39,560
many enlightened mystics, people far more
enlightened than me, gurus, teachers, what

739
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:43,530
have you, truly enlightened beings that
I've been privileged to be around, they

740
00:38:43,530 --> 00:38:49,550
always seem so free, you know, and like
happy.

741
00:38:49,550 --> 00:38:55,290
despite the way the world was, they were
happy, peaceful, serene, radiant.

742
00:38:55,290 --> 00:38:57,540
I'm like, what the hell is the deal with
these people?

743
00:38:57,540 --> 00:38:59,300
You know, like the world is messed up.

744
00:38:59,300 --> 00:38:59,960
People are dying.

745
00:38:59,960 --> 00:39:01,150
People are starving in India.

746
00:39:01,150 --> 00:39:02,260
People are dying, starving.

747
00:39:02,260 --> 00:39:04,120
You guys are just sitting around at a
piece.

748
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:04,440
Right.

749
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:05,610
Can I get you some more tea?

750
00:39:05,610 --> 00:39:06,570
Are you good?

751
00:39:06,570 --> 00:39:08,110
What's the deal?

752
00:39:08,390 --> 00:39:12,570
You know, here I am crying because I'm
seeing a homeless person and I just like

753
00:39:12,570 --> 00:39:13,190
beaming.

754
00:39:13,190 --> 00:39:17,110
And so what I understood that really
helped me.

755
00:39:17,110 --> 00:39:18,744
And this is kind of more.

756
00:39:18,830 --> 00:39:25,030
It's a spiritual angle to look at
something is for me, then understanding

757
00:39:25,170 --> 00:39:30,410
that I came to was realizing that we live
in a 3D world.

758
00:39:31,770 --> 00:39:36,530
We spiritual beings, but we live in a
world of duality.

759
00:39:36,690 --> 00:39:43,450
It's just this realm, this domain, this
dimension that we live in as human beings

760
00:39:43,450 --> 00:39:47,510
is not a mystical, you know,
transcendental world.

761
00:39:47,510 --> 00:39:48,750
It's not a utopia.

762
00:39:48,750 --> 00:39:56,010
It is a world of duality, interdependent
polaric opposites.

763
00:39:56,010 --> 00:39:58,010
It's the nature of this life.

764
00:39:58,130 --> 00:40:03,930
It's the Tao, it's the yin -yang, it's the
up -down, it's the good -bent, it's the

765
00:40:03,930 --> 00:40:08,810
left -right, it's the black -white, it's
the tall -short, it's the male -female,

766
00:40:08,810 --> 00:40:14,820
it's the interdependent polaric opposites
that create its physics, you know, it's

767
00:40:14,820 --> 00:40:15,470
light -dark.

768
00:40:15,470 --> 00:40:18,270
And so in this dimension,

769
00:40:20,792 --> 00:40:21,942
nature of the world.

770
00:40:21,942 --> 00:40:24,482
It's the physics and it's the Dao.

771
00:40:24,482 --> 00:40:31,092
Inside of, if you look at the Dao De
Ching, inside of the Dao sign is inside of

772
00:40:31,092 --> 00:40:34,342
the white is a black dot, inside of the
black is a white dot.

773
00:40:34,342 --> 00:40:38,702
That to me, this is life.

774
00:40:39,222 --> 00:40:47,768
And so I think for me, that understanding
really helped me surrender.

775
00:40:49,166 --> 00:40:52,086
to the way of the duality of this world.

776
00:40:52,466 --> 00:41:00,326
And when I surrendered to that, it shifted
my relationship with it, where there was

777
00:41:00,326 --> 00:41:08,146
less, shall I say, resistance and judgment
to the dualistic nature of this dimension,

778
00:41:08,146 --> 00:41:15,600
plus minus, positive, negative, is the
duality of this world.

779
00:41:15,630 --> 00:41:20,030
when that shift in my relationship to it,
there was no resistance to it.

780
00:41:20,030 --> 00:41:21,650
This is what it is.

781
00:41:21,650 --> 00:41:23,878
From that place of...

782
00:41:25,642 --> 00:41:27,342
non -resistance.

783
00:41:27,422 --> 00:41:31,742
I think when we can understand the nature
of something, it shifts your relationship

784
00:41:31,742 --> 00:41:36,042
with something from that place of non
-resistance when you embrace it for what

785
00:41:36,042 --> 00:41:46,662
it is, then that's when I believe you can
truly move into a situation, not from a

786
00:41:46,662 --> 00:41:54,830
place against us, not from a place of
judgment, but from a place of acceptance.

787
00:41:54,830 --> 00:42:01,090
And from that acceptance choose because
when you can't shift something at the same

788
00:42:01,090 --> 00:42:04,150
level of consciousness, I'll give you an
example.

789
00:42:04,310 --> 00:42:10,110
One of my mentors who I spent, I was
privileged to know for 20 years.

790
00:42:11,030 --> 00:42:18,780
I met him when he was about 18 and he was
a former disciple of Gandhi and he built

791
00:42:18,780 --> 00:42:24,000
300 schools for the underprivileged kids
in the poorest state in India called

792
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:24,902
Bihar.

793
00:42:25,462 --> 00:42:30,542
Bihar is a place where like, I don't know
now, but at then the illiteracy rate was

794
00:42:30,542 --> 00:42:33,962
maybe 70, it was so high, it was crazy.

795
00:42:34,022 --> 00:42:38,572
In fact, when I caught the train there
from Delhi, the guy selling the tickets

796
00:42:38,572 --> 00:42:41,002
said, why the hell are you going there?

797
00:42:41,002 --> 00:42:44,822
Like that's where the illiterates live.

798
00:42:44,962 --> 00:42:48,872
The guy at the train station called the
people in Bihar subhuman.

799
00:42:48,872 --> 00:42:50,422
I'm like, what do you mean?

800
00:42:50,422 --> 00:42:54,446
And so I was privileged to spend time with
this man of peace.

801
00:42:54,446 --> 00:43:01,066
A real man who didn't write about it, but
spent at least at that time, 50 years of

802
00:43:01,066 --> 00:43:05,306
his life every day, 24 -7, dedicating his
life to being of service and making a

803
00:43:05,306 --> 00:43:06,226
difference.

804
00:43:06,306 --> 00:43:11,266
And I'll never forget, he came here when
George Bush was in power.

805
00:43:11,266 --> 00:43:15,966
And, you know, we didn't like George Bush
and the war and what have you.

806
00:43:15,966 --> 00:43:20,396
And so I took him to a peace rally in San
Francisco.

807
00:43:22,510 --> 00:43:25,490
And I'll never forget, I took him to the
Peace rally.

808
00:43:25,490 --> 00:43:27,230
He was invited to speak.

809
00:43:27,310 --> 00:43:31,070
The war was happening, you know,
everyone's like F George Bush, F George

810
00:43:31,070 --> 00:43:32,230
Bush, F George Bush.

811
00:43:32,230 --> 00:43:33,550
It was like in the audience.

812
00:43:33,550 --> 00:43:34,490
I mean, it was intense.

813
00:43:34,490 --> 00:43:35,530
F George Bush.

814
00:43:35,670 --> 00:43:37,748
And his name was Dwarkoji.

815
00:43:40,334 --> 00:43:41,774
I said, Dwarkeji, how do you feel?

816
00:43:41,774 --> 00:43:43,194
He said, I feel good.

817
00:43:43,194 --> 00:43:44,854
Anything you want to tell me before you go
on stage?

818
00:43:44,854 --> 00:43:46,334
No, no, no, no, no.

819
00:43:46,334 --> 00:43:49,674
He went on stage, thousands of people.

820
00:43:50,654 --> 00:43:53,034
F George Bush, F George Bush.

821
00:43:53,194 --> 00:43:54,886
This moment changed my life.

822
00:43:56,622 --> 00:43:59,602
He looked at everyone in the audience and
maybe had a right to do cause he's eight

823
00:43:59,602 --> 00:44:04,572
years old and people, you know, he had
some credibility, but this moment changed

824
00:44:04,572 --> 00:44:05,102
my life.

825
00:44:05,102 --> 00:44:11,862
He looked at, he looked at the audience,
audience went silent and he said, do you

826
00:44:11,862 --> 00:44:13,002
love Bush?

827
00:44:16,302 --> 00:44:19,262
was like, and he said, do you love Bush?

828
00:44:20,022 --> 00:44:22,420
Because here we are at a peace rally.

829
00:44:24,174 --> 00:44:32,934
and I feel a lot of hate, but you can't
change something or bring love with hate.

830
00:44:33,954 --> 00:44:36,354
And I really got what he was saying.

831
00:44:36,354 --> 00:44:39,394
I really understood the essence of what he
was saying.

832
00:44:39,754 --> 00:44:44,184
And he went on to give this whole talk,
but he said, must love his soul and see

833
00:44:44,184 --> 00:44:45,454
his soul.

834
00:44:45,474 --> 00:44:48,934
Because if you just change something with
the energy of hate, you just kind of

835
00:44:48,934 --> 00:44:52,942
perpetuate that energy and you feed
into...

836
00:44:52,942 --> 00:44:56,002
the duality of this realm.

837
00:44:56,002 --> 00:45:00,162
And so then it goes from left, then it
swings to right, and then it swings back

838
00:45:00,162 --> 00:45:01,922
to left, and it just keeps swinging.

839
00:45:01,922 --> 00:45:10,742
And at some point, we have to transcend
that to find the shared being, the shared

840
00:45:10,742 --> 00:45:13,902
oneness, the shared humanity where we can
meet.

841
00:45:13,902 --> 00:45:16,702
Otherwise, it's just going to go left to
right, up to down.

842
00:45:16,702 --> 00:45:18,542
We're all going to be stuck in the
duality.

843
00:45:18,542 --> 00:45:19,270
So...

844
00:45:20,618 --> 00:45:23,678
Surrender doesn't mean you sit there and
do nothing.

845
00:45:23,958 --> 00:45:28,358
Surrender doesn't mean you sit on the
sidelines and just let people trample over

846
00:45:28,358 --> 00:45:28,838
you.

847
00:45:28,838 --> 00:45:30,958
Surrender doesn't mean you don't go
protest.

848
00:45:30,958 --> 00:45:36,868
Surrender doesn't mean, but I think it
means we move into it from a different

849
00:45:36,868 --> 00:45:39,998
place within our own selves.

850
00:45:39,998 --> 00:45:42,898
And the last thing I'll say just to add to
that is,

851
00:45:45,166 --> 00:45:49,880
might sound controversial, but one thing
I'll say is the world that we see.

852
00:45:52,942 --> 00:45:59,182
Right now, 2022, we're having this
conversation, divisiveness, war, you know,

853
00:45:59,182 --> 00:45:59,702
Roe vs.

854
00:45:59,702 --> 00:46:04,902
Wade getting overturned, George Floyd, the
world that we see.

855
00:46:06,638 --> 00:46:11,678
to me is a manifestation of the collective
consciousness of all of us, all of us

856
00:46:11,678 --> 00:46:12,678
combined.

857
00:46:12,838 --> 00:46:17,538
Every single one of us, our consciousness
projected out there has created this

858
00:46:17,538 --> 00:46:18,258
world.

859
00:46:18,258 --> 00:46:23,278
To me, the world is a mirror of our
consciousness combined.

860
00:46:23,278 --> 00:46:27,138
The leaders that we see, we can look at
Trump, we can look at Biden, we can look

861
00:46:27,138 --> 00:46:30,638
at Boris Johnson, we can look at whoever,
just pick them.

862
00:46:30,758 --> 00:46:34,948
The world that we, like, if we look at the
leaders, if we look at the war, if we look

863
00:46:34,948 --> 00:46:36,558
at Ukraine, if we look at,

864
00:46:36,558 --> 00:46:37,558
you know, racism.

865
00:46:37,558 --> 00:46:43,018
To me, we have to ask ourselves, if the
world is a mirror manifestation of the

866
00:46:43,018 --> 00:46:48,238
collective consciousness of all of us
combined, what does the world reflect to

867
00:46:48,238 --> 00:46:49,798
us about ourselves?

868
00:46:49,798 --> 00:46:55,118
And if we just, if we just focus on
changing what's out here, changing what's

869
00:46:55,118 --> 00:46:59,148
out there, changing a leader, getting how
many times in Africa, have we changed, how

870
00:46:59,148 --> 00:47:01,298
many times in America have we changed
leadership?

871
00:47:01,298 --> 00:47:02,678
Nothing really changes.

872
00:47:02,678 --> 00:47:05,198
And so to me, if the world is a mirror,

873
00:47:05,198 --> 00:47:08,798
of the collective consciousness of all of
us combined.

874
00:47:09,238 --> 00:47:12,798
If you can't, let's say change the world
out here.

875
00:47:12,998 --> 00:47:17,118
What we all can do individually is change
ourselves.

876
00:47:17,118 --> 00:47:20,968
And maybe we can start by just to me,
surrender is by starting by asking

877
00:47:20,968 --> 00:47:25,338
ourselves the question, okay, this
president, this leader, this mayor,

878
00:47:25,338 --> 00:47:26,118
they're a jerk.

879
00:47:26,118 --> 00:47:27,398
They don't have integrity.

880
00:47:27,398 --> 00:47:28,198
They're like,

881
00:47:29,678 --> 00:47:31,198
How is that me?

882
00:47:31,518 --> 00:47:33,318
Where do I lie?

883
00:47:33,438 --> 00:47:33,978
Do I not?

884
00:47:33,978 --> 00:47:34,738
Well, they lie.

885
00:47:34,738 --> 00:47:35,858
Why not lie?

886
00:47:35,858 --> 00:47:37,058
We talked about the truth.

887
00:47:37,058 --> 00:47:38,198
Where do I lie?

888
00:47:38,198 --> 00:47:40,258
Where do I cheat on my wife?

889
00:47:40,258 --> 00:47:41,428
Where do I cheat on my this?

890
00:47:41,428 --> 00:47:42,738
Where do I tell little?

891
00:47:42,738 --> 00:47:44,898
Where do I betray myself?

892
00:47:45,438 --> 00:47:53,958
And so to me, part of surrender is the
full responsibility for ourselves and

893
00:47:53,958 --> 00:47:55,118
being that change.

894
00:47:55,118 --> 00:47:57,614
It's like, okay, if I want, if I.

895
00:47:57,614 --> 00:48:01,254
If I want more integrity out there, how
can I live more integrity in here?

896
00:48:01,254 --> 00:48:03,108
Okay, more.

897
00:48:05,294 --> 00:48:07,334
Where do I drop bombs?

898
00:48:08,034 --> 00:48:13,254
I'm not a terror, but where do I drop
bombs of self judgment and self hatred

899
00:48:13,254 --> 00:48:16,374
inside of my own consciousness every day?

900
00:48:16,374 --> 00:48:20,954
There's a war going on inside of my own
mind every day, because that gets

901
00:48:20,954 --> 00:48:22,214
projected out here.

902
00:48:22,214 --> 00:48:23,254
Division.

903
00:48:24,534 --> 00:48:29,034
Where am I divided in terms of my own, you
know, parts of me all over the place,

904
00:48:29,034 --> 00:48:34,254
parts of me suppressed in my shadow where
I'm not whole in myself and

905
00:48:34,254 --> 00:48:39,334
So I think if we really want to change the
world to surrender to saying, okay, we may

906
00:48:39,334 --> 00:48:44,864
not be able to change the entire planet,
but what we can do is begin to bring peace

907
00:48:44,864 --> 00:48:48,864
in our own hearts, to begin to be a bit
more compassionate with ourselves, to

908
00:48:48,864 --> 00:48:52,594
begin to be a bit more kinder to
ourselves, to begin to bring ourselves

909
00:48:52,594 --> 00:48:55,694
into more integrity and more alignment and
more wholeness and more harmony.

910
00:48:55,694 --> 00:48:58,174
And I think that is really the surrender.

911
00:48:58,174 --> 00:49:03,054
And if we do that, if I do that, you do
that, she does that, he does, we all do a

912
00:49:03,054 --> 00:49:03,964
little bit.

913
00:49:04,046 --> 00:49:09,686
then I think the projection in the world
will also shift.

914
00:49:09,686 --> 00:49:11,986
So that's just kind of my two cents.

915
00:49:11,986 --> 00:49:15,066
And if we want to learn a little bit more
about how to do that, I understand you

916
00:49:15,066 --> 00:49:19,706
have a seminar coming up or a summit that
people can learn more about this.

917
00:49:19,706 --> 00:49:20,706
Yeah, I have a five day.

918
00:49:20,706 --> 00:49:22,866
It's a free five day online event.

919
00:49:22,866 --> 00:49:26,866
And I really want people to get access to
just this information.

920
00:49:26,926 --> 00:49:29,326
It's called the Surrender Summit, five
days free.

921
00:49:29,326 --> 00:49:30,306
It's online.

922
00:49:30,306 --> 00:49:33,774
If you can't make it live, you can watch
the replays.

923
00:49:33,774 --> 00:49:38,034
www .thesurrendersummit .com.

924
00:49:38,034 --> 00:49:42,134
I'm bringing together also, I'll be
teaching, but I'm bringing together some

925
00:49:42,134 --> 00:49:46,914
of my friends, people like Neil Donald
Walsh, who got Conversations with God,

926
00:49:46,934 --> 00:49:53,044
Michael Beckwith, Master Beck, she's been
on Oprah, John Demartini, who was in The

927
00:49:53,044 --> 00:49:55,674
Secret, who else?

928
00:49:55,674 --> 00:50:00,462
Barbra the Angelist, John Gray, and 20
inspiring teachers from...

929
00:50:00,462 --> 00:50:02,042
all angles and all disciplines.

930
00:50:02,042 --> 00:50:07,402
I really love bringing people with a wide
range of perspectives to share about how

931
00:50:07,402 --> 00:50:13,442
to live surrender in your life and also
how to use the principle of surrender so

932
00:50:13,442 --> 00:50:17,362
that you can harness it and fulfill your
true potential.

933
00:50:17,522 --> 00:50:20,542
So that's July 12th, 2019.

934
00:50:20,542 --> 00:50:21,052
That's beautiful.

935
00:50:21,052 --> 00:50:23,452
We will have that link in the show notes
for this episode.

936
00:50:23,452 --> 00:50:25,922
Where else can we learn more about you and
your work online?

937
00:50:25,922 --> 00:50:27,262
Yeah, kubedlaxson .com.

938
00:50:27,262 --> 00:50:30,182
My name is K -U -T -E, kubedlaxson .com.

939
00:50:30,292 --> 00:50:33,542
Instagram, Coop Blackson, Facebook, Coop
Blackson.

940
00:50:33,542 --> 00:50:41,022
Twice a year I do a very special 12 day
event in Bali, www .boundlessbali .com.

941
00:50:41,022 --> 00:50:41,462
Beautiful.

942
00:50:41,462 --> 00:50:43,542
Thank you so much for your time and your
wisdom today.

943
00:50:43,542 --> 00:50:48,332
Our thanks to Coop Blackson, author of The
Magic of Surrender, Finding the Courage to

944
00:50:48,332 --> 00:50:48,922
Let Go.

945
00:50:48,922 --> 00:50:52,932
You can find links to him and his work in
the show notes for this episode at

946
00:50:52,932 --> 00:50:54,602
thefitmass .com.

947
00:50:54,842 --> 00:50:59,910
And that was a really powerful story that
he had about his mother and...

948
00:51:00,078 --> 00:51:04,348
It really hits my heartstrings when I hear
things like that, but then also really

949
00:51:04,348 --> 00:51:11,268
makes me almost feel bad about myself of
like, do I need to wait until something

950
00:51:11,268 --> 00:51:14,278
that traumatic happens before I can shift
my life?

951
00:51:14,278 --> 00:51:16,398
Like, why don't I just shift it now?

952
00:51:16,398 --> 00:51:19,388
And like you said, and this is one of the
key takeaways from that interview was that

953
00:51:19,388 --> 00:51:20,668
your ego is a process.

954
00:51:20,668 --> 00:51:24,068
And that's something that, that as long as
I've been studying, you know, Dharma and

955
00:51:24,068 --> 00:51:29,344
meditation and all this stuff, the idea of
letting go of ego is

956
00:51:29,344 --> 00:51:35,564
really difficult because everything that
we are in this life or this realm, this

957
00:51:35,564 --> 00:51:40,034
dimension, as he put it, is an
accumulation of experiences and ideas and

958
00:51:40,034 --> 00:51:40,614
beliefs.

959
00:51:40,614 --> 00:51:46,874
And so you work so hard for most of your
life to develop a sense of identity.

960
00:51:46,874 --> 00:51:50,614
And like he says, it's really just this
series, this process.

961
00:51:50,614 --> 00:51:55,524
It's this accumulation of stuff that you
hang on to, to convince yourself that that

962
00:51:55,524 --> 00:51:56,926
is who you are.

963
00:51:57,198 --> 00:52:02,878
When in fact, that's just the stuff that
the world sees you as, and you can change

964
00:52:02,878 --> 00:52:04,878
that at any time.

965
00:52:05,658 --> 00:52:10,288
Nobody's saying it's easy because if
you've spent years building that up, I

966
00:52:10,288 --> 00:52:14,598
would reason from that, that it will take
years to take it apart again.

967
00:52:14,598 --> 00:52:20,410
And it's something that in my experience,
I built it up really, really well.

968
00:52:20,654 --> 00:52:24,034
And then I started taking pieces out and
then like Jenga, you'd take a piece and a

969
00:52:24,034 --> 00:52:26,954
whole bunch of it falls out and then you
panic and you put it all back up and start

970
00:52:26,954 --> 00:52:31,034
rebuilding that wall because it's, it's
really scary to let go of.

971
00:52:31,034 --> 00:52:35,514
But like he said, and, and like I've
experienced in my own life, the more you

972
00:52:35,514 --> 00:52:40,964
can surrender, the more the truth of what
your experience, what you want it to be, I

973
00:52:40,964 --> 00:52:42,464
guess, becomes apparent.

974
00:52:42,464 --> 00:52:47,324
And it becomes just a simpler way to live
rather than constantly trying to impose

975
00:52:47,324 --> 00:52:49,814
your will on other people.

976
00:52:49,814 --> 00:52:50,222
And, and.

977
00:52:50,222 --> 00:52:52,134
life in general.

978
00:52:56,974 --> 00:53:02,114
I don't know, Jeremy, I really tried to
put the square peg into the round hole.

979
00:53:02,114 --> 00:53:07,854
I mean, it, it causes so much pain in our
lives trying to do that.

980
00:53:07,854 --> 00:53:08,064
Yeah.

981
00:53:08,064 --> 00:53:12,884
I think just his point about pain being a
message, you know, when, when we get stuck

982
00:53:12,884 --> 00:53:18,624
in our comfort zones and don't really put
ourselves out there and try to experience

983
00:53:18,624 --> 00:53:23,314
new things and try and live that life of
purpose that we very comfortably imagine

984
00:53:23,314 --> 00:53:25,314
one day achieving.

985
00:53:25,454 --> 00:53:29,184
The pain that comes with getting out of
that comfort zone is very much a message

986
00:53:29,184 --> 00:53:30,994
that you are growing.

987
00:53:31,234 --> 00:53:31,614
Yeah.

988
00:53:31,614 --> 00:53:35,494
I struggled so much with getting out of my
comfort zone.

989
00:53:35,494 --> 00:53:40,754
And I got to tell you, like, you know, the
thing you need to do, you know, like just

990
00:53:40,754 --> 00:53:47,764
for work, like, you know, even today, like
I had to deal with a contract and I didn't

991
00:53:47,764 --> 00:53:51,344
want to, I just didn't want to, I knew it
was going to be painful.

992
00:53:51,344 --> 00:53:52,704
I knew I had to have arguments.

993
00:53:52,704 --> 00:53:54,240
I knew I had to like,

994
00:53:54,542 --> 00:53:57,102
go against the grain and I put it off.

995
00:53:57,102 --> 00:53:58,582
Like I put it off all morning.

996
00:53:58,582 --> 00:54:01,342
Like that's when I usually get all that
kind of stuff done.

997
00:54:01,342 --> 00:54:05,062
And you just have to know it's going to be
uncomfortable and put systems in place to

998
00:54:05,062 --> 00:54:05,722
help you along.

999
00:54:05,722 --> 00:54:05,902
Right.

1000
00:54:05,902 --> 00:54:09,822
So like, you know, I was like, okay, I'm
going to do this and it's going to be

1001
00:54:09,822 --> 00:54:11,442
uncomfortable and I'm not going to like
it.

1002
00:54:11,442 --> 00:54:14,712
But I put my headphones in, I put my
neural beats on, right.

1003
00:54:14,712 --> 00:54:17,662
And I just like, tried to set the stage
and put myself in the most comfortable

1004
00:54:17,662 --> 00:54:20,502
place possible and just grind it out.

1005
00:54:20,502 --> 00:54:24,804
I mean, that's what it comes down to is
like.

1006
00:54:25,134 --> 00:54:28,094
those things that you don't want to do
where you're going to grow like in this

1007
00:54:28,094 --> 00:54:31,774
particular thing is just like a little
outside of my comfort zone.

1008
00:54:32,134 --> 00:54:33,454
It's gonna hurt.

1009
00:54:33,454 --> 00:54:34,834
It's gonna be painful.

1010
00:54:35,294 --> 00:54:37,834
But that just means the reward is that
much bigger.

1011
00:54:37,834 --> 00:54:37,984
All right.

1012
00:54:37,984 --> 00:54:41,404
Well, those and lots of other very
powerful lessons in that interview with

1013
00:54:41,404 --> 00:54:41,984
Coop Blackson.

1014
00:54:41,984 --> 00:54:45,344
You can find out more about him in the
show notes for this episode at thefitmass

1015
00:54:45,344 --> 00:54:45,894
.com.

1016
00:54:45,894 --> 00:54:47,950
But don't let the conversation end there.

1017
00:54:47,950 --> 00:54:50,910
Join us on our Facebook group where you
and fellow FitMass listeners can connect

1018
00:54:50,910 --> 00:54:53,930
for monthly challenges, accountability to
reach your goals, and connection with

1019
00:54:53,930 --> 00:54:55,730
others who are on a similar journey.

1020
00:54:55,730 --> 00:54:59,140
That link is also on our website,
thefitmass .com, where we will be back

1021
00:54:59,140 --> 00:55:00,910
next week with a brand new episode.

1022
00:55:00,910 --> 00:55:02,170
Thanks for listening.

1023
00:55:02,530 --> 00:55:03,410
Hey, everyone.

1024
00:55:03,410 --> 00:55:04,100
We know.

1025
00:55:04,100 --> 00:55:05,910
This podcast is amazing.

1026
00:55:05,910 --> 00:55:09,010
It doesn't seem to lack anything, but we
need a legal disclaimer.

1027
00:55:09,010 --> 00:55:12,950
Prior to implementing anything discussed
in this podcast, it is your responsibility

1028
00:55:12,950 --> 00:55:16,270
to conduct your own research and consult
your physician.

1029
00:55:16,270 --> 00:55:19,400
You should assume that Jeremy and Zach
don't know what they're talking about and

1030
00:55:19,400 --> 00:55:23,370
they're not liable for any physical or
emotional issues that occur directly or

1031
00:55:23,370 --> 00:55:25,900
indirectly from listening to this podcast.

1032
00:55:32,238 --> 00:55:35,728
¿Qué te parece la educación universitaria
o profesional gratuita?

1033
00:55:35,728 --> 00:55:36,838
¡Es posible!

1034
00:55:36,838 --> 00:55:40,188
Washington College can't ofrece o payo a
las personas elegibles para financiar

1035
00:55:40,188 --> 00:55:43,178
capacitación laboral, certificaciones o la
universidad.

1036
00:55:43,178 --> 00:55:47,618
Visita wagant .org barra obliqua e s.