Jan. 25, 2022

How to UnFu*k Your Relationship Before It's Too Late with Gary John Bishop

How to UnFu*k Your Relationship Before It's Too Late with Gary John Bishop

Our guest is Gary John Bishop, author of “Love Unfucked: Getting Your Relationship Shit Together.”


ABOUT THE EPISODE:

Everyone wants that amazing, fulfilling, and profoundly connected relationship we’ve all read about and dreamed of with someone who gets you and you get them, and all is wonderful in the world.  But what is the reason some of us don’t have it? Maybe you don’t know shit about having an authentically great relationship! That's according to our guest this week. The “Sex Pistols of Self-Help,” Gary John Bishop is also the author of “Love Unfucked: Getting Your Relationship Shit Together.” It’s the latest title from his “Unfuck Yourself” series. 

In this episode of The Fit Mess, Gary shares why you need to stop shifting blame in your relationships, take responsibility, and face yourself first if you truly want a real relationship that actually works.

What We Discuss with Gary:

  • 00:00 Intro
  • 2:22 Thoughts create reality
  • 5:36 Why Love UnFu*ked is an important book now
  • 9:58 Which relationships need help
  • 11:22 Self-reflection leads to growth
  • 14:21 Don’t change for other people
  • 19:06 People don’t change but relationships do
  • 24:39 Why you keep attracting assholes
  • 28:17 Can you be loved if you don’t love yourself
  • 30:08 What Gary’s wife thinks about his relationship advice

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Resources:

Guest Website

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Zach: wants that amazing, fulfilling and profoundly connected relationship. We've all read about and dreamed of someone who gets you and you get them and all is wonderful in the world. What's the reason, some of us don't have it. Maybe you don't know shit about having an authentically great relationship. 

[00:00:20] GJB Content - Mic 1: That's according to our guests this week, Gary, John Bishop is the author of love on fucked getting your relationship shit together. It's the latest title from his unfuck yourself series. He'll share why you need to stop shifting, blaming your relationships, take responsibility and face yourself first.

[00:00:35] If you truly want a real relationship that actually works.

[00:00:39] This is the fit mess conversations with world-class experts in the fields of mental, physical, and emotional health. And this episode 

[00:00:47] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: nobody's growing up. Like, I can't wait until I get older and fucking, really master the art of dark resentment. And that when you get in touch with who you really are, and you see your relationship in terms of. You'll see why a lot of it doesn't 

[00:01:01] Zach: work. 

[00:01:02] Now, here are your hosts, Zach and Jeremy. 

[00:01:04] Zach: Welcome to the fitness. Thanks for listening while you're doing whatever it is that you're doing. Um, Zach and he's Jeremy, we've been through all kinds of struggles, ended up stronger because of them. And we want to help you do the same. So if you're sick of your own shit and ready to make a change, you're in the right place. Especially if your relationship is a mess or if there's a wake of bad relationships in your past. 

[00:01:25] GJB Content - Mic 1: We've got a great interview for you this week with the man who calls himself the sex pistols of self-help Gary, John Bishop. We're not just talking about romantic relationships either. We're talking about your relationship with work, family, friends, your phone yourself.

[00:01:39] What do you bring to everything in your awareness? And is it delivering the outcome you want or the one you ended up.

[00:01:45] Zach: I can't wait for this interview. I love talking to Gary, John Bishop, because , every time I read his books, every time I talked to him, it really, uh, it, I don't know what it is. It just strips my ego away. And, you know, looking at my relationship with myself, I'm questioning.

[00:01:59] So many things about just myself and my relationship with myself, not even taking into account, , relationship with work and family and friends and things like that. But in like looking at the relationship with myself, there's so many things , in my past, I would never question. And when I'm questioning my own beliefs, the growth that happens after that is. 

[00:02:21] GJB Content - Mic 1: That's really the value in so many of his books and in the now three conversations we've had with him is that he really helps you strip away all. Bullshit that clouds your judgment and really lets you get to the root of what you bring to your day to your life, to your relationship and helps you find ways to improve it a lot of the problems that you face in your life and the things that you're frustrated with and the things that are in your way. So many of them are you and your beliefs and the things that. You just hang on to, for me, I've been hanging on to the idea that I hate the gym.

[00:02:58] I hate working out and I've been doing it. 

[00:03:01] Zach: true. 

[00:03:02] GJB Content - Mic 1: It's not true. I'm actually enjoying it, even though I hurt myself today, but, but I'm enjoying it. And I'm finding again, you know, we talked at the beginning of the year about resolutions and doing one thing, right. Just like starting one thing. And that one thing is cascading into all of these other things that I'm doing.

[00:03:16] And so many of them. Born from the thoughts that I'm having. And this is just, again, the conversations we're having on this show, where when you think about who you want to become, the healthier version of you, what are the thoughts of that person has? What are the actions that person has? And when you take those steps, instead of the same ones that keep it putting you in the same shitty position over and over again, all of a sudden, all of those healthy patterns start to just become who you are.

[00:03:43] so, no matter what the thing is that you're working on, like showing up better at work or as a, as a dad or as a mom or as a partner, whatever it is that work has to be on becoming the best version of you that you can be so that you can truly add value to whatever relationship you're in or the one you want to create. 

[00:03:59] Zach: Our guest today is much more knowledgeable about this than we are and the hell of a lot funnier about it than us. But before we get to that interview, . Something I do to make sure that I am the best self I can be. It's to feed my body, the nutrition that it needs. started 

[00:04:16] taking athletic greens because I really needed to have a sufficient. That tasted great, gave me all the things that I needed. , and I didn't want to have to take 10 pills a day or, spend all of my time cooking all the meals.

[00:04:29] I try and get my nutrients from food, but let's face it. We don't get everything we need every day from food. So athletic greens was a great solution for me. It tastes great. Gives me everything I need for more energy, better gut health optimized immune system. 

[00:04:44] It has less than a gram of sugar and there's no nasty chemicals or artificial anything. And it actually does taste good. And for what you get, it's less than $3.

[00:04:52] and right now is the time to incorporate better health and athletic greens is a perfect start to make it easy.

[00:04:58] Athletic greens is going to give you a free one-year supply of immune supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is visit athletic greens.com/fit mass. Again, that's athletic greens.com/fit. Mess to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance.

[00:05:17] that link will be on the show notes and it's plastered all over our website@thefitness.com.

[00:05:22] GJB Content - Mic 1: All right. As we mentioned, our guest this week is the sex pistols of self-help Gary, John Bishop, his new book love unfucked getting your relationship shit together. We asked him why a relationship book is needed. Now in this ongoing hellscape of a pandemic, 

[00:05:36] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: I mean, that wasn't deliberate, right? It wasn't like. Let's get our relationship book out and the pandemic, but I think it's timely. You know, relationships, whether you like it or not tend to bring a lot to the surface photos and, and often a lot of things that we're kind of ignoring or overcoming or pretending we can get along with when we really can't.

[00:05:56] But a lot of the stuff that I deal with. It's like antiestablishment, I really do believe on the fucking sex clusters this in this area. Right. And I'm up against an ocean of fucking area of speed Oregon. And it's nothing Romy, REO, Speedwagon.

[00:06:13] She's not what I'm doing. And, uh, you know, I'm really, you know, really like no kidding, uh, impact the quality of people's lives in what better way to deal it then. And the way they do relationships.

[00:06:25] With everything that's going on in the world, right? I mean, everyone's going to new jobs and remote work and, , just everything's changing and divorces, potentially on the rise here. Why is that? Are we at home , with our significant others too much?

[00:06:38] I think two, the two kind of changes that happened in a person's life. one is when you're finally sick, your own shit that'll force you to change or when life forces you to change. So wonderful impose upon you, something will him and brings a perspective or a perspective shift. I think for many people that they're starting, that perspective shift has actually been empowered.

[00:07:10] I think many people have got clean about what matters to them and it started to really go like shit, you know, where was I going? What do you know? This isn't who I am. This isn't what I'm about, which is an interesting realization for something to have. And it shows that that kind of realization is possible for people unfortunately necessary.

[00:07:32] It's kind of forced upon them, , but you can come in that place where I'm like, oh no, this is, this is not always that I really want. And it kind of forces your find solution. Innovation thing is people find solution, right? It's fucking shocking, you know? But, but at the same time then there are those people who this has been a suffocating experience and they'd be burdened by, and it's been constraining and it's depressing and it's been on.

[00:08:06] but the same kind of conditions apply. Right. I want people to get like, okay, that's your experience or something. You know, because this, if you look at the term of the idea of a pandemic, it's this thing that shows up that impacts is all, whether it impacts you in this way or that way, or whatever way, it doesn't matter impacts everybody and other generations have experienced those kind of circumstantial, all encompassing things, right.

[00:08:32] From disease, war passwords, like those have been run. Right. And it impact. The quality of life. And it's amazing because, you know, I mean, I'm old enough to remember the cold war, And you know, that was like a specter hanging around in the background of everyone's thoughts you know, stalker, but everyone was going, oh fuck.

[00:08:54] You know, we're all going to get blown up, you know, but, but every now and again, you know, we'd pick up in the news a little and then it would go away and then it would pick up. And so it was this kind of everything. It's constantly run. And so when that kind of era ended, there was a palpable sense of relief.

[00:09:13] You actually go, wow, that really was my deal. I really hung around society. I think this is the same. I think people will see in years to come that this was a significant burden. On people, even though I don't care, I'm just getting, I think, I think it's had an impact on everybody and I think it would be one silly underestimate thing, but, but also on watch the overestimate that you don't have the, you have to keep yourself grounded in some kind of logic in them and stay connected to, like I said, what matters to you?

[00:09:51] What inspires you? And whatever deferential to make with your friends or your family, your loved ones or your community?

[00:09:58] Jeremy: That's a lot of relationships that you also reference in the book. And because this book is not just a, how to make things good with your spouse, this is very much your relations. If the entire world around you and your place in it,

[00:10:10] Zach: Right,

[00:10:11] Jeremy: a lot to bite off in one book. How do you think you did.

[00:10:15] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: Now fuck it. You know, like, Fuck it go for it. What I usually like to do in my books and I say this all the time, but it's true the real value in my books is not necessarily what I've written, but the thinking that you're going to have to do a book, what I've written, it's like, that's the fucking value.

[00:10:36] The value is in the, and the breaths you take between sentences and you go home. Deanna, you know, shit or a paragraph or a chapter, whatever comes to mind, whatever investigate can you do if you just sat and kind of fucking turn your way through it. I mean, you'd be better just, , reading the Leidos bag, you know, it's much more powerful for you to engage with what I'm saying here and think about what I'm saying.

[00:11:07] And inform your work through it, because I think that's where the real value in all my books is. It's not so much, I mean, I'm putting you in a spot to kind of think, but the real treasure is in thinking for sure.

[00:11:22] Jeremy: there's one thing you wrote, I wrote down a couple of quotes from the book that I love, and I think what you're getting at here this quote kind of encapsulate. For what it's worth. I have no problem with confronting what I believe or even changing what I believe, because I'd rather have happiness and love and passion and adventure than the tattered and bitter token of self-righteousness to console myself with on the cold and isolated nights of my life.

[00:11:42] And you should too. I mean, that, that sums it up. I mean, if you're not challenging your own beliefs and your own ideas all the time, are you really even growing

[00:11:51] Zach: No, 

[00:11:53] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: you're, you're fucking dying on the vine. You really are. You're like, you're just gathering evidence for what you currently believe. You know, you can change your mind if it's something okay. And you can be convinced to something, but, the critical parts of your life as any element of those, that doesn't mean.

[00:12:13] You'll have to question what you've come to believe you'll have to. an unbelieving belief is not easy, right? It's not easy because you've kind of built your life on it. And you've even had conversations with people about and that's one of the things I loved, but like a lot of philosophers over the years, you know, when questioned on something, they'll say, yeah, I don't believe that anymore.

[00:12:37] And people be like, what the fuck? Fucking believe that shit that you told me. And now you're saying you don't believe that anymore. I thought about it and that, no, I don't believe that to be true anymore. Right. I mean, it's spent fucking 15 years of the life, like talking about this thing, he squinted his fucking thing and all these people were like, oh, that's amazing.

[00:12:58] It's blown my mind. And then they're like, let's move on to something else. I fucking love that. I love that. I love. And, and, and why I love it by the way is because you can present people with something like, like a belief and you can see a wife in terms of, and you can see why through that belief. You can actually see you, uh, oh shit.

[00:13:20] Yeah. But life seems to make sense. And so I did that, but you can also present them with something else, like a present that they get to see why through that. That makes sense. And it's all contextual. It's all contextual, you know, shift for people. And there's a lot of things that right now in society we believe to be fundamentally true that will be proven to be not true.

[00:13:48] Jeremy: Yeah 

[00:13:49] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: I think part of the illusion that we have is that we are the fucking age of, and what month?

[00:13:53] Jeremy: right? Yes.

[00:13:55] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: we are. We are the pre age when white men were so fucking stumbling around the dark, like. Trunk and like the candle wouldn't really, it's like a blazing fucking sun um, and that's okay. But I think that's the kind of arrogance of being alive.

[00:14:12] The arrogance of being alive. Is it somehow, , we've got to all work out when we fucking down, you know, we're just, we have done that as well.

[00:14:21] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:14:21] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: speaking of not having things worked out, I may have one or two or a million things that, that fall into that category myself. I know for me, I've had a relationship in the past where, , I needed to change in order to make the other person happy.

[00:14:35] And I went through his efforts to step up and do that. The person wanted me to do. Yeah. And in the end it didn't work out. So why, why was I making a mistake there? Because you can't change who you 

[00:14:50] Zach: are. You can't change who 

[00:14:52] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: you are. No, you can't not, not fundamentally. Yeah. Right. You are wired a certain way. Aren't you? Like I'm wired a certain way. We're all wired a certain way. If you're out to expand yourself as a human being, you're always looking to see what's beyond that.

[00:15:12] Like, what's it say to that, right. But that doesn't change. That's always there. Right. But, but I'm exploring it. I'm looking right, but there's still this kind of mechanism to change. You out every day, but you don't wake up and you're like, holy fuck. I'm somebody else. Nobody, you know, you wake up. You're like, I'm Zach, you know, didn't even fucking say that you already know you're Zach, first thing in the morning, you don't have to remind yourself, not looking at early.

[00:15:44] Remember who you are, you know, you're your best thing. This series of thoughts and behaviors. It's there by default. But all too often in relationship, what happens is for two people come together. If you take away all the bullshit, two people come together and what they see in the other person is something that they believe will fix that there was something about you, you have that thing and that you bring that thing.

[00:16:14] And that makes me feel better, but that's there and that's happening both ways. After a while in a relationship, you realize whatever that missing piece was for you. It's still fucking here. And that's the end of the honeymoon period. Now you're until, well, I don't like the way you do this. And then, and then the other person becomes the problem now.

[00:16:37] And I don't cannot be brought to the test, but if you find yourself like, oh yeah, I'll change myself. You know, whatever you need to do. That is the point. See some work you haven't done on yourself. You're not saddled with yourself, which is okay. It's very human. But if you're, if you don't, it's not so much, like I'm not willing to do with it.

[00:16:57] What works for the relationship? It's almost like you're acknowledging the flaw of self to acquiesce to their flaw of self. Like, it's like, oh yeah, mark bullshit's by goes at yours, right? Yeah. I think, I think a big key in all this is vulnerability is the ability to stand there and acknowledge who you are.

[00:17:17] Acknowledge what, yeah. This is what I fucking ended up with. If I could have made it any different. Do you think I wouldn't have done that? for some people it's expressing the love, nobody's growing up. Like, I can't wait until I get home during can't fucking get the word lover my mouth, but we end up there or I can't wait until I get older and fucking, really master the art of dark resentment. Right. Like, or woo, unbridled, anger here. I fucking come, you know, nobody's doing that. But man, we end up there, we end up there. We end up with fucking unbelievable bank of resentment and he had a belt. It express ourselves, or, or, or withholding a lying or stealing or cheating or infidelity. Nobody's fucking going through the youth.

[00:18:10] 40 divorced and back, it's going to be fucking great. No, in your youth, people, like, I want to do this, you know, I want to do that and I want to fucking make records and I want to make, you know, records cause I'm sure, but I don't want to fucking be an actor or I want to, you know, whatever. It's all possibility.

[00:18:29] So I'm really interested then. Not only what turns did you take? What did you come to believe to be true? How does that play out in your relationship? But I actually put you a little bit back in charge. Like most of our relationships are not reflective of who we really are. They're, they're, they're more like a game to try and keep something together in some way, shape or form. And that when you get in touch with who you really are, and you see your relationship in terms of. You'll see why a lot of it doesn't 

[00:19:04] Zach: work.

[00:19:06] Jeremy: So people don't change, but the relationship changes so what happened? What happens to that person who, when they were 20, got married and went, oh man, this is going to be amazing. What a life we're gonna. We know each other, we love each other. This is going to be great. And then they do hit 40 and they hit the button and they're like, I'm out.

[00:19:25] I don't, I don't want to do this anymore. 

[00:19:27] If they can't be changed. So something changed, maybe they didn't

[00:19:31] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: So, let me, let me elucidate a little bit when that change. Right? So if you start with like, he has a basic, you 

[00:19:41] Zach: that sat 

[00:19:43] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: and okay. There it is that you exists in an environment of endless. Endless potential you, but that you will never move. We spend our lives try effects that you, and I'm saying just fucking, let it be, look around what else is here.

[00:20:16] Cause I think we're all fascinated with the idea of change. I'm saying to people. This is an opportunity for you to experiment with the keys to the fucking Lamborghini rather than, pondering whether you should get in. No, this is your opportunity. Like this thing here that's you, that you've ended up with, which is okay, but that's not the limit of you. And, but that's the you that people tend to focus on pain folks are trying to make more, that's less that fix this repair that no, I say, let that be. We know what that does. It's not the fucking break. Let's be honest. Right? It's not amazing. It does what it does. And it survives this fucking one. So that won't change.

[00:21:04] What can change is your awareness of that? How you can actually start to master how that impacts your wife, who is going to actually start to experiment and express and experience yourself in new ways. That's what change

[00:21:20] Then what showing up in life really as like a new you, but that old fucking dynamo that ain't going anywhere, that'll still be there, but, you know, I'm not good enough.

[00:21:34] I can't do it. And , that's not fucking going anywhere. That's there. All right. Now, what, and so, you know, for those that feel as if they're constrained or they find it difficult because breakthrough in the life is because of trying to make this thing breakthrough rather than just let the thing be, does what it does.

[00:21:58] The interesting thing for me as human beings is your fellow. To create your experience of being alive. We all have that. It's there, whether you experienced it or not. Doesn't matter to me right now. I just want you to know you have that capacity. You have the capacity to create. But not to create love, to fix something.

[00:22:23] See, that's bullshit. That's I'm not going to do that just so that you fucking feel better about the way that I picked my toes in bag. Right. I don't do that. But anyway, if I didn't do that but what I'm interested in is expressing love for the sake of love. I'm interested in bringing to the table.

[00:22:43] What I believe. It's consistent with a kind of relationship that I want to have with a person. And that's when you have to start getting strike yourself and really starting to identify, what is it that matters to you in relationship? What do you want this to be about? And rather than looking across the table, you see whether your partner is bringing it, which would be another fucking absurdity.

[00:23:08] Because if I want love in my relationship and I'm sitting there going, okay, fucking love. Give me what you got. I'm the one once loving this relationship. Oh, this is my fucking job because this is what I want this to be on. What if I want it to be of connection or passion or loyalty or adventure or whatever, you know, start yet, identify who you need to be here, which in many cases, by the way, We'll start it disrupt that little fucking D's fault survival yet.

[00:23:48] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:23:49] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: Yeah. So the fundamental wiring that we have, , that you're suggesting we just have a, B, and I would argue that my wiring wouldn't pass code, but that's, that's a different conversation. Is that. Um, is that why you think that like, people tend to repeat patterns in their relationships and keep going after the wrong thing and, and, and right.

[00:24:11] So in the book I call it an identity relationship. So whatever you're missing pieces meets up with their messaging piece. And even though you're like, you know, I don't even know why I find the people attractive or find the attractive I'm fucking telling you why. Because when the dust settles the way that they 

[00:24:32] Zach: are 

[00:24:33] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: actually a loaded you to continue being you.

[00:24:39] So that's why like people say, well, why do I always attract, , assholes? I'm like, cause you're fucking looking for them.

[00:24:47] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:24:48] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: Yeah. Why do I try it? This kind of person you don't attract them. You find them. And it's amazing people, like what, what is that? Because it allows you to perpetuate all of that internal mechanism over and over and over and over.

[00:25:06] So for instance, if part of your internal mechanism is 

[00:25:09] Zach: I'm not 

[00:25:09] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: lovable. Right. Which is pretty common actually, but I'm not. Well, I can't have love in my life. You might meet somebody. You aren't really love you. And they say, I love you and you go, yeah, this is fucking awesome.

[00:25:21] And I love you. And this is fucking great. After a while, you will find a way to invalidate their loving you,

[00:25:30] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:25:31] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB:  You diminish it, you undercut it, your leave that and validate them or yourself, or the love that they're talking about. So that, that internal noise, I'm not lovable will provide because I'm not lovable.

[00:25:50] Can't exist in the same moment of time as I love you. 

[00:25:55] Zach: Can't

[00:25:56] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: so the more you understand that, but that which sometimes people get of like, desperate, like, oh my God, I'm fucked. No, you're not. You're fucked. If you believe in.

[00:26:04] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:26:06] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: And the only way you believe it is when you don't recognize it for what it is. If you see it for what it is, it's no longer a belief because you're observing it.

[00:26:16] So you're not the believer, you're the observer, but when you believe it, there's no way out of it.

[00:26:23] Jeremy: It's funny hearing you say that I've, I've done that, you know, I've been married for 20 years. I've done that with my wife, where we went. I love you. And we're, we're still good. There's nothing there, but, but I, I do that like, oh, I'm not, they can't possibly love me. This is both. I never thought about how fucking insulting that has to be to the person who loves you to not feel their love.

[00:26:43] Like that's, that's a mindblower for me. I

[00:26:45] never thought 

[00:26:46] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: Like what the fuck am I chop fucking.

[00:26:48] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:26:49] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: Right. And some things, that's what it comes down to. What? Somethings people, they don't get vegetable. Like you don't know how to love somebody. When you say you love me, you don't know what you're talking about. You can't know you're talking about. So all of that points see someone completion from your own, you know, earlier life, childhood or teenage years or something, but you had an experience and experience was real.

[00:27:11] , and then it stuck. And that is a big part of your youth, you know, like. In your younger years, you can look in a run view to get a sense of what you need to be on your toes about. And in that equation, you're working with who you are

[00:27:27] Jeremy: Mm.

[00:27:27] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: and invariably who you are is it's not fucking good news because you're turning work out.

[00:27:35] You're you have these little kind of wounded moments where something happened. It rattled your cage, but. That gets internalized. No, you don't have all that. No, you've got to overcome that to make sure people don't see that or not. You become someone and that, and that, that you, that you become walks into relationship.

[00:28:00] And then you're like that says it all went away. Maybe it's just that communication issue. No, you're fucked. Stop rugby to stop. What the fuck are you doing? And, but that's the way two people walk in, 

[00:28:15] Zach: which is 

[00:28:17] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: someone asked me a while ago, actually asked me on social media. They said, what advice do you have for someone in their twenties?

[00:28:23] And I said, don't come out of your twenties until you fully completed your past.

[00:28:27] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:28:29] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: Cause if you can get that sale for yourself, you'll be free. 

[00:28:34] Zach: The fucking bird.

[00:28:34] Jeremy: Do you think that's, what's meant by, you can't love someone else unless you love yourself? Is that

[00:28:40] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: Well, that's a little Pollyannaish from yet, you know, I'm a fucking sack specimen anyways. So you can't I there's a place that I can until about a dozen years or so ago. And there had been this experience in ourself that was very disempowered and I finally got.

[00:29:02] I'm okay. Fucking okay. Okay. You know, like I'm okay. Oh man. What a relief? What all like, fuck I'm okay.

[00:29:16] Jeremy: Yeah.

[00:29:16] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: Right. And it was moving and, wild even wait to get that are okay. Like all of it, the whole fucking thing, all the shit is okay. You know, it's okay for me to be me and it's okay. You're going to fuck some things up, but it's okay.

[00:29:32] That, that I can get wounded or vulnerable or people might do things. I'm okay. And that's okay. And so I never, I never bought into that whole thing of, , loving myself. I'm really much more settled with being at peace with it. I'm in a good spot with me. And then that alone is fucking mind blowing when you can kind of sit there and take away from them.

[00:29:59] Like, you know, I'm want to take it on from here and then people can say shit. Oh yeah. But I'm okay.

[00:30:06] Jeremy: I love that. Uh, I know we just have a minute or so left. I got to know as you're writing a book like this, does your wife read over your shoulder? Does she get to see the pages in at any point? Did she say, oh, Gary, you're so full of shit. You can't

[00:30:16] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: Well, my wife thinks I'm fucking full of shit anyway, so that doesn't make any differences. My wife, what are you expecting? Like beginning, she's gotta be washing my fucking feet at night or something. Um, no, I mean, she's my wife, you know, like we're like this, but, but, but I love what I say, you know, like it's real this isn't, this, isn't some fucking bullshit strategy.

[00:30:36] This is how I live. And one thing that I will add by the way in the book is I say, it's okay to argue. Stop making, arguing like a fucking big thing. It's nothing, you know, then you can let that shadow, get it sad. And it doesn't mean that I'm offended. If even if later there's something you need to clean up, then just clean it up and let's move the fuck on.

[00:30:57] Jeremy: Yeah,

[00:30:58] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: Yeah.

[00:30:59] Jeremy: I love that Gary. We're out of time. Thank you so much. Love talking to you and then let's do it again with the next one.

[00:31:04] Gary John Bishop Interview - USB: All right. You guys. Awesome. Thanks.

[00:31:05] Jeremy: Thanks man. 

[00:31:06] Zach: That was Gary, John Bishop. And his new book is love on fucked getting your relationship shit together. you Can head over to the fitness.com and check out the show notes for this episode to learn more about Gary. And we will have links in there for the two other episodes that he was on 

[00:31:21] GJB Content - Mic 1: so just to kind of wrap up that conversation, whatever relationship you're working on, the work has to be on you and for you, can't change other people and you can't change for other people because then you're just adopting whatever broken shit they bring into the relationship.

[00:31:36] The work has to be on becoming the best version of you that you can be so that you can truly add value to whatever relationship you are in or want to create, 

[00:31:44] Zach: And if there's a relationship that you want to create, don't let the conversation about getting your relationship shit together. And there find us in our Facebook group where you and fellow fitness listeners can support each other. Take part in our monthly challenges and create accountability to reach your goals, or just find connection with our community. 

[00:32:02] GJB Content - Mic 1: That link is also on our website where we will be back next week with a brand new episode with. fitness and lifestyle transformation, coach London, Souza.

[00:32:09] She's the host of the self-love and sweat podcast. You'll find it at the fit. mass.com. Thanks for listening. 

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Gary John Bishop

Author

Gary John Bishop began his life journey in Glasgow, Scotland. The grit and wit of his early life have contributed to his irreverent, tough-love, in-your-face approach to personal growth. The one-time Senior Program Director to one of the world's biggest personal and professional development companies, Gary has created the kind of no-frills message that cuts through the fog of people's lives to transform the real issues that consume and anchor them to their self limiting behaviors and beliefs.

As one of the leading Personal Development experts around with a reputation that has impacted millions of people worldwide, his "Urban Philosophy" approach represents a new wave of personal empowerment and life mastery that has caused miraculous results for people in the quality and performance of their lives.