Sept. 6, 2022

Why No One Is Ever Broken And How You Can Find The Healing You Crave And Deserve With Jennifer Febel

Why No One Is Ever Broken And How You Can Find The Healing You Crave And Deserve With Jennifer Febel

Our guest is Jennifer Febel. She’s the host of the BTG podcast and an Emotional Resiliency Coach.


Summary

Our guest is Jennifer Febel. She’s the host of the BTG podcast and an Emotional Resiliency Coach.

ABOUT THE EPISODE

"You are not broken.” This has become the personal and professional mantra of our guest, Jennifer Febel, and is one that she intends to spread to as many people as possible. 

After receiving over 7 different mental health diagnoses by the age of 19, she embarked on a journey of healing and self-discovery that few people get to experience.  

Today, as a Mentor, Coach, and Motivational Speaker, Jennifer is on a mission to teach the world that no one is ever broken and everyone can find the healing they crave and deserve. She offers alternative support for anyone suffering from feelings of depression, overwhelm, anxiety, or hopelessness who isn’t finding the healing they want through traditional mental health services and is tired of the emotional rollercoaster. 

We partnered with Jennifer for this episode of The Fit Mess so she could share how you can explore the space between your head and your heart and learn to bridge the gap so you can step into a version of yourself you never dreamed possible. 

What We Discuss with Jennifer:

  • You can delete and replace negative self-talk that holds you back
  • Why your triggers mean your brain is working properly
  • Your mental health problems do not define you
  • Limiting beliefs are often planted during early childhood
  • You can reprogram limiting beliefs

Don’t let the conversation end there. Join us in our Facebook Group where you and fellow Fit Mess listeners can connect for monthly challenges, accountability to reach your goals, and a supportive community. 

Like this show? Please leave us a review here – even one sentence helps! Post a screenshot of you listening on Instagram & tag us so we can thank you personally!

Resources:

Guest Website

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IF YOU ENJOYED THIS EPISODE, CHECK OUT: 

How To Heal From The Effects Of Childhood Trauma As An Adult with Michael Unbroken

Transcript

[00:00:00] Thank you for clicking play on today's episode, where we're going to share an interview with a guest who says she can walk you through more than two months of mental health healing. In just eight days you're not going to want to skip this one

[00:00:11] Not only do we have an amazing interview for you today? Today's a special episode in that Jeremy and I, we are sitting in the same room for the first time in two and a half years. And this is arguably probably the first show we've recorded in the same room in three years. I don't remember the last time we did this. 

[00:00:30] It's very weird to see you here. I can't just, you know, turn off my screen and pick my nose. It's weird that we're sitting here talking to each other. I don't even know how to do this anymore. I know, I just assume that you're never looking at me. So you can't see what I'm doing. But it is nice to be in the same room, reading the body language, seeing all the stuff. 

[00:00:47] And I forgot how tall you were. I'm very tall. I'm very tall. You make me feel small. Thanks. Thanks for that. I didn't need another reminder. All right. Enough of us, let's hear some more from us. 

[00:00:59] Coming up today on the fit mess. 

[00:01:02] Jennifer: there is hope that even if the story you're telling yourself feels real, it can be moved outta the way that no one is ever actually broken that everyone can find healing, even if they're only given 12% chance.

[00:01:15] That's Jennifer fable. She's the host of the BTG podcast . 

[00:01:19] And an emotional resiliency coach. 

[00:01:21] Today, we'll talk to her about her mission to teach the world that no one's ever broken and everyone can find the healing they crave and deserve. 

[00:01:28] But first I'm Jeremy. And I'm Zack. We've spent gears, pushing ourselves to learn more about our own physical, emotional and mental health. And we picked up a few coaching certificates along the way. But really we're two guys who got sick of our own shit and started making changes to be healthier, happier, and live more meaningful lives. 

[00:01:45] And each week we talked to world-class experts with advice to help you do the same. 

[00:01:50] Zach. One of the things that I think is so exciting about Jennifer's work is, 

[00:01:53] she claims that, , finding healing from trauma and depression and anxiety is 100% possible. Healing from this shit is something that I feel like I've been working on my entire life. It feels like one of those things that I will be working on for my entire life. And the idea that 100% healing from it. 

[00:02:13] That, just, that blows my mind to think that I could live a life without this shadow of. Waiting to waiting for the depression. Come around again and take over. Um, 

[00:02:25] Sounds like a shitty way to live. It just kind of a shitty way. 

[00:02:32] Yeah, I I'm. I think I'm at a place now where like, I I'm, I'm like balanced really. I'm really nicely balanced. And I'm okay. Like, I don't feel like I've got that looming shadow over me. Anymore. I mean, there's still a lot of work that needs to happen. I told somebody once that. The day, I feel like I'm okay. And I'm done. 

[00:02:54] Is the day. I need to go back to therapy and really start digging in deeper because something's wrong. But I don't, I don't have that. I don't have that, like looming. . Bit in front of me. I just, I just know I have more work to do and yeah. And I'm looking forward to it. 

[00:03:08] I'm curious to see what happens when fall comes around because the last couple of months, I feel like I've kept it at bay. I've been trying some new things, experimenting with different supplements. And so far, I feel like it's working. I feel like there have been times when I feel it creeping up and I can recognize it more easily. 

[00:03:21] And, and through the tools that I'm using through cold therapy, through breath, work, all these things that I'm doing. I feel like I've done a better job of managing it. Um, but I'm still, I'm still a victim of triggers, right? Those things that we stuff way down, something happens, it lights the match and everything blows up and. 

[00:03:39] Yeah, there was probably a 24 hour period where it took me a while to, to shake. Uh, triggering episode. , but I do feel like the things that I'm doing now and the effort that I'm putting in are really helping me get there. But it's exciting as we're about to learn that there are so many more tools that I'm not using that may be available. 

[00:03:57] Uh, that are certainly worth exploring to, to manage mental health issues. You know, what, what we typically do is we just, we kind of, we try and grind it out and we make ourselves be a different person. And that takes a long time. It's really hard. It's painful, but there's another way to do it. And in general, we'll, we'll share a lot about that. 

[00:04:16] I am so excited about this potential of, , replacing these negative things, like actually getting rid of them. Yeah. And then putting a new structure in place to actually be able to delete the stories that we tell ourselves that hold us back from achieving our potential, I think is really exciting stuff. 

[00:04:32] Let's get right to it. For this episode, we partnered with Jennifer fable. 

[00:04:35] She is an emotional resiliency coach and she's the host of the BTG podcast. And we started by asking her what, put her on this journey to, uh, not only healing herself, but helping others heal as well. 

[00:04:46] 

[00:04:46] Jennifer: Um, my journey started when I was 19 and I was diagnosed with seven different mental health diagnoses, uh, including eating disorders, including.

[00:04:55] Depression, including anxiety, including suicidal ideation, including self harm, which means, yeah, there are bodies sort, the scars on my body that, uh, I put there. in other words, broken mm-hmm , uh, had a lot of doctors and very, very important people with lots of letters after their name degrees on the wall.

[00:05:12] Tell me that I was broken, that I had, I. Statistically, I had a 12% chance of recovery is what they told me, which I'm not sure why there's any help in telling me that. Um, Hmm. And, uh, 

[00:05:24] Zach: I pretty much nothing will help a mental health diagnosis, like finding out you have little to no chance of ever recovering.

[00:05:30] Am I right? Yeah. 

[00:05:30] Jennifer: Diagnosis is you're screwed. Good luck with that. Like, that's kind of where it was left for me. Uh, and I bought that and figured, okay, I guess I just have to learn to deal with my brokenness. And so that kind of became. My journey was about. And I, you know, I took, got a degree in psychology trying to figure myself out.

[00:05:49] Uh, I used to joke the, my abnormal psych classes, like a checklist, like got it, got it. You did got it. , and I couldn't quite break through, I used to say to my therapist and I was an obnoxious patient cause I have a degree in psych. So everything that told me, I'm like, yeah, I know . Um, and they would tell me stuff and I'm like, Yeah, I get it.

[00:06:08] My head understands exactly what you're talking about. I'm not a stupid person. I understand logically that I'm, this is not how it's supposed to be. Like, I get that, but I didn't know how to make my heart believe it, how to make it feel that I wasn't constantly lying to myself and their attitude was well, eventually it might happen.

[00:06:28] And probably not. You're just probably gonna need to be on meds for your whole life and, oh, well, yeah. And then I stumbled upon some tools that. Managed to help me. I was shocked when they actually helped cuz I'd given up. and I decided to make it, my life's work because the path called me to it, frankly.

[00:06:45] And uh, so here I am now sharing my story and helping others who feel that they're broken, who have done that traditional cycle of medication and talk therapy. And you know, it's great for what it's good for. Mm-hmm it stops you from kind of driving off that cliff of life. Yeah. Which is important. But then they kind of get you into this stopped car and they're like, all right, you're no longer driving off the cliff.

[00:07:08] Fantastic. And then you're sitting there looking at this cliff being like, well, now what? Yeah. And so I like to help people figure out that they can, how to do a three point turn. There's a whole world behind you. That's not that cliff. Yeah. And so that's what I do in my one on one work. That's what I do through different events and trainings that I run.

[00:07:26] Zach: So let's dive into those tools a little bit because that's something. As long as I've been on my wellness journey that I've been on for the better part of the last decade. There's tons of things that I throw at depression to keep it at bay. And, uh, I've been down the medication road got off of that.

[00:07:41] I've started and stopped a bunch of things. There's, uh, all kinds of, you know, cold therapy, breath, breath, work meditation, like all the tools in the toolbox. And I love the idea of being, uh, of it being 100% possible to completely. Never do that again to never be like, to never go into a clinical depression again, I would love to know what some of the tools are that you use to, to manage it or, or, or do you even, is it even an issue for you anymore?

[00:08:10] And, and let's talk about the tools that help you manage it. 

[00:08:13] Jennifer: Yeah, absolutely. Uh, it's not an issue for me at all. Um, I had been on meds for off and on meds for over 13 years. And now this December, I think is my 11th. I call it my recovery anniversary. Um, I honestly, I started to lose track. I think it's my 11th.

[00:08:28] It might be my 12th year mm-hmm of being completely medication free. And it's just, it's not a problem anymore. Mm-hmm it's do I have days where I'm like, I don't really wanna deal with stuff. Yeah. But it's never yeah. The difference is in depression. There's that voice in your head that says you suck, you can't do this.

[00:08:44] You're terrible. Yep. And we spend a lot of time fighting the voice, trying to quiet the voice down, trying to move the voice out of the way the tools I use allow us to replace that voice for a different one mm-hmm and the main tool I use. It's a UNC. Conscious integration process. Um, it's a combination of young in psychology, alt psychology, uh, neurolinguistic programming and the dreaded age word hypnosis mm-hmm , which, , when I first started my journey, I thought was.

[00:09:13] Am I allowed to swear it was crap. I thought it was crap. Yeah. Yeah. I swear a lot. I'm gonna try to censor myself. 

[00:09:19] No, 

[00:09:19] Zach: no, please. Don't please. Don't more swearing. The better we enjoy it. 

[00:09:21] Jennifer: Fantastic. Fabulous. That's basically my motto in life. Um, yeah, I, I honestly didn't think that that was. Something that would work.

[00:09:32] , I was like, well, if this was something so effective, why aren't we learning this in school? Why aren't they not teaching this in psych classes? , and I was very fortunate in that all the medication I had taken, all the stuff that I had done.

[00:09:46] I had gotten myself to a place of functionally dysfunctional. I had gotten myself to a place where I was surviving and I was very fortunate that my anxiety started to manifest as a severe phobia of bugs and insects, which sounds.

[00:10:00] Really weird. Um, but you know, I live in Ontario. Uh, it's a really buggy province if you've never been here, like there's a lot of stuff flying around all the time. and it got to the point where I literally wouldn't leave my house. It became on psycho agoraphobia. Wow. And here I am like in my thirties and I won't leave my house.

[00:10:17] And like, um, people would come over for a barbecue and like a butterfly, the symbol of transformation would fly by me and I'd. Nope. And I'd be back in my house, talking to people through a screen and I'm like, Hey, this is becoming a problem. , it got really bad. Um, I'd go to like the hardware store and they have these cans of like bug spray with a bug on it.

[00:10:37] And I would literally, I couldn't even look at the can of bug spray. I'd have to walk down the aisle with my eye shielded and I consider myself a pretty intelligent, smart person. So you feel a lot of shame, you feel pretty stupid. Mm-hmm like my head understood that this can is not gonna be like, ah, I'm attacking you, but my body.

[00:10:53] Freaking out. And when it comes to phobias, there's really only two options. There's exposure or desensitization therapy, which means I have to pay someone money to put me in a room with something that scares the snot outta me. And I was like, no, , I'm not doing that or hypnosis, which I, I thought was for shit.

[00:11:11] Um, yeah, but I was desperate and I couldn't leave my house. And so I reached out to my chiropractor, uh, at the time who was really helpful on my journey and I. By strange chance you happen to know someone who does hypnosis. Cause I don't wanna just Google someone and get some quack scrambling my brain.

[00:11:25] And she's like, yeah, I, I do. And which I thought was interesting. And when I met with my coach, that first session, she nailed on the head 13 years of therapy and a four year degree in psych never came close to she's the only person who ever said, you're not broken. I can help. She says, I promise you I can get you there.

[00:11:42] I didn't believe her . I thought it was a scam. I thought it was garbaged. I thought I was too smart for it, but I couldn't leave my house and I didn't wanna pay someone money to stick me in a room with a bug. So I'm like fine. Let's try it. Yeah. And I was shocked when three months later, not only was the phobia gone, but that voice, the one that the voice of depression, the one that says you suck, you can't do this.

[00:12:02] You're terrible. Was gone mm-hmm and had been replaced with this other one. And now, I mean, life gets lifey. I still go through stuff. Sure. But that voice in my head has never come back. It's always just it's okay. You've got this. It's gonna be hard, but you're okay. And so the tools I use allow us to replace that voice with a new one.

[00:12:24] That's always there, but we don't know how to trust it. We don't know how to tune into it because we're so busy trying to fight the other voices and push them outta the way. Yeah. And so the tools I use allow us to uninstall what I call your software programs, these filters that we run at the deep unconscious level that cause us to experience reality skew.

[00:12:45] We have this internal Funhouse mirror in our head that when people say you're really nice, do you suck? Like, it just seems to get scrambled in our brain. So how do I make this mirror flat again? And that's basically what I do. I help people find a way to redecorate their internal head space with proper mirrors.

[00:13:06] Zach: That was such an amazing analogy because literally right before we got on this call, Jeremy and I were talking and I was like, Hey, somebody told me that I was smart. And I was like, why would you think that, like, it still happens to this day. , so I wanna hear more about these tools and how you like ease somebody into it because none of those modalities are, are light and none of them are they're, they're all, you know, very detailed and.

[00:13:31] Can be scary. The hypnosis one of course is, you know, the, the woo woo. One that people are gonna be like, yeah, whatever. How do you, like when you're working with a, with a client, how do you ease them in you don't do all of them at the same time, or maybe pick and choose. I I'd love to hear about how you, , just ease somebody into that and start working with somebody one on one.

[00:13:50] To help them purely selfish reasons. Of course, 

[00:13:53] Jennifer: no, I love it. Uh, first step is I talk to em about how the brain actually works and how our neurology actually works and what happens is, so our only way of knowing what's going on outside of us is through what we pick up through our five senses. Right? So I know reality based on what I see, smell, taste, touch in here.

[00:14:09] I always joke, you know, six senses. If you wanna get metaphysical include the third eye, but we'll stick to like physical reality for the moment. So information comes in. And it's estimated that we're exposed to around 20 million bits of information every single second, but our human neurology can process around 130.

[00:14:28] I've heard these numbers move around depending on how someone, you know, what they define a bit as, but we know that a lot of information is coming into us every single second. And our neurology can only process a fraction of it at a time. And what determines what gets through or what are called neurological filters?

[00:14:46] So in psychology, the process is called distort, delete and generalize. So some information gets generalized out. Some information gets distorted to fit our internal bias and narrative, and some gets deleted completely. Cuz it. Not important to us. This is why eyewitness accounts aren't very effective cuz everyone experiences differently.

[00:15:05] So the information comes in, it gets filtered and those filters are made up of things like our memories, our past beliefs decisions that we've made. Um, I call it your dramas and traumas, all of who you are, all of who you've been, all of that's been handed down to you, colors, how you experience every given moment.

[00:15:22] So the information comes in and gets filtered based on that filtered information that creates the stories in our head, the little pictures and movies and sound bites and the things we tell ourself that voice, that naing voice mm-hmm , that's what that first step is based on what we're picturing in our head and telling ourself that then creates an emotional feeling, which then causes our body to respond biochemically.

[00:15:43] So, uh, the example I like to use is let's figure out somewhere and you see a bear and it goes to a filter. Oh, I'm gonna die cuz it's a bear. Um, cause I live on terror and if I see a bear, I'm like, Nope. So based on that information, well now I'm probably gonna be imagining myself being MAED to death by a bear.

[00:16:01] I'm gonna feel panic and terror. My body's gonna go into fight or flights, gonna least adrenaline cortisol things to get my body in fight or flight. But if I'm out somewhere and I see a bear and instead it goes to a filter of wow, what a cool creature. I should take a picture of this. How exciting? Mm.

[00:16:17] Well now based on that 134 bits, I'm probably gonna be imagining myself like sharing a photo on Facebook. I'm gonna be feeling kind of excited. My body's been released different neurotransmitter, different hormones and chemicals, but the thing is it's the same bear. The only thing that's changed is the filter through what I'm experiencing it.

[00:16:36] So the information comes in and gets filtered. That gets our thoughts, our emotions, our body does its thing. Based on all that information. We come up with a strategy, either run away my case, probably poop my pants, take a picture. Right. And then that leads to some sort of behavior. Most of us when we are attempting to heal, we work with strategies.

[00:16:56] So, and if you've ever done cognitive behavioral therapy, it's strategies, you go in there and you say to your therapist, I have this problem. And they say, okay, cool. Let's do something different. I'm gonna have you read some books on bears. Let's go to the zoo and look at some bears from a distance. Let's talk about why you are afraid of bears.

[00:17:14] Let's get you a Teddy bear. And the good news is that when you do these strategies, you get a new behavior. And then the therapist is like done and done. Problem is now you have two voices in your head. One's saying it's okay. He's just a bear. He's more afraid of me than I am of him. And one going, oh my God, you're going to die.

[00:17:31] While still imagining yourself being mal to death, feeling panic and terror, and your body is legit in fight or. And the theory is, and it's a hundred percent true that if you do these strategies over and over and over and over and over again, eventually will cause a biochemical shift in your body. And as you create that biochemical shift, eventually you'll have a different emotional sensation, which will then cause you to picture different things in your head.

[00:17:52] And over time you can shift that filter from bears equals death to bears equals kind of cool mm-hmm and it takes a long, long time. Mm-hmm they've done studies that, um, the last study I read it takes 66 days in a row. Before you can reprogram one of those filters. So for 66 days, you have to basically lie to yourself, which breaks all trust with your.

[00:18:14] What I do. And when I'm working with the clients is in that first session, I talk to them about this process and I help them identify the filters that they're running. Cause if there's 20 million bits coming at you, every single second, that means you have 20 million opportunities to experience the world differently.

[00:18:31] If we don't like the ones that you're working with, we can change that by working with the filters. And so I ease people into the process by talking to them about how their neurology works, why they haven't gotten where they wanted to, because they're fighting it. Right. You're trying to shove new behaviors on top of an old shaky foundation.

[00:18:49] You're trying to tell yourself that bears are safe while in your heart of hearts, believing that you're gonna. And so it's kind of like running up an escalator that goes down. You can totally do it, but you're gonna run really hard. And if you take a break for even a second, you're back down at the bottom.

[00:19:06] And so a lot of times just knowing that is nothing inherently broken about someone. There's nothing inherently wrong about it. The reason they haven't gotten the result is cuz they're working the system backwards. Mm-hmm , if we could identify the filters that are running the beliefs and decisions that people are running at the unconscious level, all I have to do is go in and move them outta the way.

[00:19:25] And then they experience those same 20 million bits of information, both of experience it completely differently. and so that's how I use people into it. And I use the main tool I use is neurolinguistic programming, which is the most unmarketable name in the history of names. like, it's just, it's horrible.

[00:19:42] But basically it means that so neuro refers to your neurology. Um, linguistic means that the story that you tell yourself and that you attach to your experience matters and then programming that your behavior is a result of the story. You tell yourself about reality versus reality itself. And so using specific questions, using specific linguistic patterns, I help unravel the filters and unravel the story so that new choices flow in.

[00:20:12] Zach: And so in that, the process of the work that you're doing does that 66 days still apply or is the work that you're doing accelerating that 

[00:20:18] timeline. 

[00:20:19] Jennifer: It accelerated. I actually have an eight day program where an eight days we completely reprogram the filters. Wow. So it accelerates it because once that filter, so if I'm running a filter of I'm a terrible person, or mm-hmm, , I'm not good enough or I'm not smart enough, or I don't deserve success.

[00:20:37] Yeah. Which a lot of us are often running deep, deep down, even though we try to tell ourselves positivity, we don't believe ourselves. If I'm running that at the unconscious level, it doesn't matter what evidence there is in front of me to prove that I am smart enough. I'm literally deleting it. I'm literally blocking it out.

[00:20:55] And so if I'm working the system using strategies, I'm trying to shove this new behavior of someone who is enough of someone who is worthy on top of a foundation of I'm not deserving. And so then we start to sabotage our. . But when we pull the filter out, I start to see new opportunities and it happens like that.

[00:21:14] So it's a lot of fun, 

[00:21:15] Zach: those voices where I think I know. And I, I have an example that, that I will share, but I wanna make sure I'm right. First. Where do those voices come from? Where do we learn? I'm a piece of shit. I don't deserve success. I don't deserve happiness. Like. Where does that come from? 

[00:21:28] Jennifer: Oh gosh.

[00:21:29] I mean, that can come from early childhood, usually. So zero to seven to the imprint. So usually under the age of seven, all of us have experienced some form of trauma. Whether it's my favorite Teddy bear got lost at the zoo when I was two, or I went through severe abuse. Trauma is trauma to the brain and we encode it in a certain way.

[00:21:51] And so it could be that, you know, something mundane happened as a child, but I encoded it as, oh, I'm not safe. I know people who I've worked with their, their trauma is that they had a sibling come along. And all of a sudden, they realize I'm not important anymore. I'm not enough anymore. It was just a natural addition to the family, but they encoded it as I've been replaced.

[00:22:16] I'm no longer what my parents wants and without knowing what to do with that, it starts to snowball because we shove it down and then we get into our twenties, thirties, and forties, and we realize that I've never. Really felt like I was important or wanted because I had a sibling come along. So it can be hap it often happens in early childhood.

[00:22:36] It can also be passed down generat, uh, generationally. They've done lots of studies about generational pain and the study of epigenetics. So yeah, it's, it's totally possible that it's from there, but all of us have our own wounds that we pick up. I mean, yeah. Going the first day of school is traumatic for a child.

[00:22:53] Mm-hmm . Right. You're you're having to leave a home environment and go beyond, into the world. And especially if someone's a high introvert and they're like, Ew people. Right, right. Like there's lots of 

[00:23:03] Zach: opportunities to I'm I'm generally like that most of the time. So yes, 

[00:23:06] Jennifer: exactly. Right. Like the zoom is wonderful when the whole world's like, we gotta shut down.

[00:23:10] I'm like, finally I asked fantastic. Everything's coming up, Jen. Yeah. so like, everything can cause a little trauma. And when that happens, we'll get a little voice in our head. . 

[00:23:22] Zach: Yeah, it's, it's just funny because I, I literally, I was, uh, I was at a family function the other day and, uh, I, my mom was like serving this meal that she'd made for every, like three different lasagnas for everyone's different dietary needs or whatever.

[00:23:36] And she's just setting up all of these, like, oh, I didn't have this for the recipe. Like, she's setting up all these reasons why it's going to be bad. Literally everyone went back for like fourths, right? Like it was all, it was super good, but she couldn't accept. That, what she did was enough. And I just, I was listening to her and I was like, oh, that?

[00:23:56] I know now I get it now that's that's up. And it's just, it's hearing the stuff that our parents said about themselves and about their own lives. At least for me, that I now can recognize when I hear them as an adult, who's become aware of, of, you know, my issues. I recognize these voices. I'm like, that's where that comes.

[00:24:14] That's not me. That's something that I heard somewhere. And attached to myself because at some point I was attached to them. So that must mean that I, that I am also unworthy of fill in the. 

[00:24:27] Jennifer: Exactly their, their reality becomes our reality between the ages of zero and seven. The reason it's called the imprints is because the, the barrier between your conscious awareness, the, the stuff in the world that you're aware of and your unconscious, the part that is happening outside of your awareness, that little barrier between it is.

[00:24:46] It's there, but it's not really intact. And so under the age of seven, we're in a constant state of mild trans and hypnosis. That's why kids learn so readily little sponges. So we take on everything uncritically as reality. We don't realize the difference between real and imaginary. So for seven years, anything that happens outside of us is truth.

[00:25:07] Yeah. And then what, then we start to go out into the world and we hear other people's stories and we see other people and we start to question, oh, is it truth, maybe it's truth. And then depending on who I'm hanging out with, if I'm hanging out with other people who have the same boom as me, then we just reinforce each other's sucky truth.

[00:25:22] Yeah. Right. And so that just dives it deeper. And so there's a lot of opportunities in society for us to. You know, tell ourselves that we're crap. And then there's these spiritual bypassing route of no, no, I'm loving light. And everything's wonderful. Even though in our heart, we believe it's crap and there's lying to ourselves.

[00:25:39] And eventually that blows up in our face. And then when that happens, then people call me and I'm like, okay, let's figure out. It's great to know why I am the way I am. I wanna help people know how to be, how they wanna be instead. Yeah. 

[00:25:53] Zach: I would imagine, , this inner talk that I have, that, you know, these stories that I believe I would imagine would transform my life if they, if, if they were replaced with something better and they were gone.

[00:26:08] Can you tell me just about like, maybe a couple of, of, of clients that you've helped that are like, has this been a life altering? , program for them in getting rid of this, because I would just have to imagine that if that actually came true for me, it would be, it would change my entire life.

[00:26:26] Jennifer: Yeah. It, it is this one of the reasons. So I always joke that the work I do is highly selfish, cuz it's so gratifying to be able to help someone completely change their life. I've had people, um, I worked with a client recently who was having severe panic attacks, every. Uh, was unable to be at home alone for even five minutes without having to call like the three, 10 cope number to, to be able to, to get through.

[00:26:53] It was constantly having to be in and out of hospitals. Uh, we worked together and, um, we did six months of coaching, but after about a month and a half, their panic attacks were gone. And then the rest of the coaching was just about, well, how do you live from this space? I, you. Once, once those filters are gone, once that story is gone, once you know, you're worthy, then the question is, well, shit, how do I, I know how to live unworthy.

[00:27:18] I know how to live, like, feeling like a piece of crap. How do I live worthy? What does that mean? Yeah. And so I just helped fill in the gaps. Um, I worked with someone who had been, um, This one was pretty profound. They were gang raped at 17. Wow. And I mean, you can imagine the kind of trauma and impact that has on someone's life.

[00:27:37] Yeah. And after working with them for a few months after I think the third or fourth session, they looked at me and said for the first time ever, I know this wasn't my fault. Wow, which is huge. Yeah. Um, I've done work with phobias, a lot of phobias. Um, I do a lot of work with anxiety and depression. Um, depression in my world is related to repressed anger.

[00:28:02] Mm-hmm . And so all we really need to do is get them to. Be able to understand and move their anger in a different way and pull it out. Um, I, I can neutralize past emotions so that cuz what happens is we have this mechanism in our brain where if something's too hot to handle, if what's going on outside of us overwhelms the resources that we have, we'll hide it from ourselves.

[00:28:25] We, we stick it down so that we can get through stuff. But since that stuff is important, we, we tag it, we bookmark it. We put a pin in it at the unconscious level and then. Whenever something in the present moment happens, that's even similar to one of those things or unconscious mind will throw it all up to the surface that we can resolve it all at once.

[00:28:42] And we call that a trigger, right? Triggers mean the unconscious mind is functioning perfectly, and that's not something we're taught in society. We're taught that triggers means that we've screwed up somewhere, but really, it just means that we're tending to resolve something. Um, and so I help people neutralize those triggers that once something happens outside of them, they're just like, In the past, I would've been like freaking out, but now I'm totally fine.

[00:29:07] And the ripple effects that I've seen in different areas of their life of their life is it is very profound. So yes, when these old stories are replaced, when someone goes from believing on a 10 outta 10 level, like the highest possible level, they believe in their heart of hearts that they are worthless.

[00:29:23] And then after a couple sessions, I ask them on a scale of zero to 10, how much do we believe this? And they. Zero. I don't believe that at all anymore. Hmm. The ripple effects is huge. What would your life be like in every given moment? If you knew that you were whole, if you knew that you mattered, if you knew that you were worthwhile, not because you're telling yourself you are, but because you believe it from the inside out.

[00:29:46] Yeah. So yeah, it makes it, does it completely changes people's lives. It's completely changed my life. I'm 

[00:29:52] Zach: just curious if, if the sort of recovery phase, the, the adapting to the new reality is that an even bigger obstacle than overcoming the thing, because I was, I was in a breathwork session the other day and, and I felt this resistance, this healing that was trying to happen, there was a, a part of it underneath this like stone.

[00:30:15] That was just like, but this is who you are. This is not. A thing like this is not separate of you. This is who you are. You are supposed to be this person. I can't even imagine like my entire life, I've not pursued things because I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle them. If a depressive episode came up, I literally couldn't like walk in the door of a place.

[00:30:37] If it was a job where I was just like, yeah, I want this job. It would be awesome. But what about the days when I don't wanna get out of bed? You know, like how would I even do that? Is it harder? To, to adapt to the new reality then to actually get over the. 

[00:30:52] Jennifer: Not really once the, once the voices in your head are on board with, with who, the essence of who you are, then it's just a skills gap.

[00:30:58] Then it's just a matter of like, cause oftentimes it's like, well, when I'm worthless, I won't stand up for myself. Mm-hmm now that I know I'm worth. While I know I'm okay to speak up for myself, but I've never done that before. I don't even know how. Yeah. And so I can teach people specific linguistic patterns, how to actually do that.

[00:31:14] I teach how to create rapport with people, how to, I always say based on what someone's wearing, how they're breathing and how their eyes are moving, I can tell how they process the world and tailor my language accordingly. And so it just a skills gap that I can teach people. Um, the harder part is knowing that you're worthy of learning these tools.

[00:31:31] So once that's outta the way, it's a skills gap. So it's actually, it's pretty easy. That's. 

[00:31:36] Zach: Wow. Now, now I'm really interested. I've been, I've been, I've been reading, um, some NLP stuff recently and like recognizing how other people need to be treated is really, um, or not how they need to be treated, but how you need to communicate with them, uh, to be most effective.

[00:31:53] Um, Hmm. So, so in this, do you actually go through and, and, and teach people all of those methods as. Like specifically, like how to talk to people. 

[00:32:05] Jennifer: Absolutely. So I'm a board designated trainer. Uh, actually a board has designated master trainer of neurolinguistic, programming of timeline, therapy of hypnosis.

[00:32:13] So I do run my trainings. My next one is in November. , it is eight days and you learn. Presupposition language, what is assumed in someone's speech? I call it how to read the matrix code behind someone's communication. Mm-hmm how to know what they're saying behind what they're saying. Mm-hmm, how to recognize how they're processing the world and how to tailor your language.

[00:32:33] What's meaningful to them. Cuz often we follow a 50, 50 model of communication, which is like, I'm responsible for what I say. And if you don't understand. Sucks to you. and then you're responsible. You say it if I don't understand you're oh, well we both walk away being like, I don't understand anything and I teach a hundred percent model.

[00:32:50] What if you cared so much about the other person understanding you that you're willing to adjust how you breathe, how you stand, how you move the tonality of your voice so that your understood, cuz if they're not understanding you, then you're not being understood. You can either be like, They're just not understanding me, screw them, or you can adapt, you can be flexible in your behaviors.

[00:33:11] So yeah, I do run trainings to teach people this, uh, as well as the tools that I use. And the best part is once you're in that community, you can then pair up with people and anytime a thought pops into your head, you're like that sucks. You pair up with someone five, 10 minutes. You'd blow it out. Keep on going.

[00:33:25] Yeah. So those little voices in the head are just things that need to be moved. That. 

[00:33:31] Zach: So just a moment. I wanna find out where to find out more about that course and all of your teachings and everything you have to offer online. But first is there one or two things for someone who's listening to this who deals with any of these mental health issues that they can start doing today?

[00:33:43] You know, hypnosis sounds like something maybe worth. Pursuing trying to find somebody to help with that. , perhaps you, um, but is there something that I can start doing right now as I'm listening to this interview or as I'm about to turn off my podcast player that, that I can do to start sort of changing that programming on my own.

[00:34:00] Jennifer: There is absolutely, um, I call it anger work, um, different therapies call it different things, but the most important thing is to start to get in touch with how you feel and start to give your feelings and those thoughts and stories in your head somewhere to go that aren't just boying around your brain.

[00:34:17] Oftentimes we get caught in this cycle of talkie, talkie, talkie, talkie, talkie in our head, and it's exhausting. We end up with like conversations back and forth. It's not actually leaving our neurology, it's just bouncing around and being programmed deeper. So anger work is first to bring the emotion up to the surface, do something physical.

[00:34:35] Um, you know, there's the standard punching a pillow, kicking things, screaming, anything that's physical. that gets you in touch with that feeling and then to journal and do what's called a stream of consciousness, style of journaling, where you put your pen on a piece of paper, you set a timer and you just write whatever pops up into your head for three minutes.

[00:34:54] Mm-hmm just to give it somewhere to go that. That itself is a strategy. So it's not gonna reprogram a filter. And it is a really good tool to start to move the energy outta the way so that it's not just stagnant. Mm-hmm so stagnant. Energy and emotions are energy. Emotion. Moving emotions are always better than stagnant emotions.

[00:35:14] The problem is, is that when we're in depression and anxiety, we're so full of emotions that we don't wanna move them. So we think that whole freeze thing, I just have to sit still and maybe it'll go away. Yeah. But now we're stuck in stagnation. So I will say that anger work is one of the best things people can do.

[00:35:29] It is also the most resistive thing that I ever talk about. No one likes to do it. um, For someone who is interested in learning more. I do. Um, I have my own podcast called the BTG podcast where I talk about different types of healing, how to set boundaries without feeling like in complete and total ass, how to give feedback.

[00:35:48] That makes a difference to someone, how to create connections with people, how to find healing. So that's a great place to start for someone who wants to get more information. Um, and then if someone's like, I'd love to figure out what these filters are and move them outta the way I offer complimentary meet and greet sessions over zoom.

[00:36:05] So another first step is to reach out. We can chat and Hey, if I can solve your problem in an hour, I will do it. If not, I promise to give you some steps that you can follow to get you into a better place. 

[00:36:16] Zach: Nice. And where do we learn more about you and, and sign up for all? 

[00:36:20] Jennifer: Uh, so my website is BTG wellness.com.

[00:36:23] So BTG stands for bridge the gap, um, BTG wellness.com. And if you go into the courses and trainings, there's the BTG coach practitioner training. That's the eight day training where you learn. Everything. And not only do you learn it, but if you then decide to get registered, you can register through the American board of neurolinguistic programming and become a coach yourself.

[00:36:43] If you wanted to practice it with other people. , but even if you just do it for yourself, that's where you learn how to communicate with others in a way that's meaningful. That creates that magic connection and how to move those stupid stories that you tell yourself outta the way so that you can actually connect with people from your authentic self versus trying to fake it till you make it.

[00:37:01] Please don't do that. So that's all on my website. Cause the God to have a whole other podcast on the whole fake team, make it thing. I'm like, don't do that. um, healing via lying to yourself. It's not a good strategy. It'll work very, very well in the short term, but it'll boomerang in the face, in the long term.

[00:37:18] So don't do that one. Um, but yeah, my website is a great place, uh, to find that, um, I also have my coaching website, which is live life, unbroken dot. And wants to get more information on my one-on-one coaching. Um, my events, trainings, things like that. , 

[00:37:33] Zach: The fake it till you make it, that's not something that we don't necessarily preach fake it till you make it. But, but we've heard a lot. And, and a lot of times the strategy I use for myself, you know, trying to become the person I want to be is, is to imagine what would that person do today and what actions would they take?

[00:37:47] And the idea that, that person's already in me, I have the capability of doing that. Is that different, do you think than, than fake till you make it? Or am I doing the same? 

[00:37:56] Jennifer: Um, it depends on the approach to it. So if you are like, I feel like I'm a complete and total piece of crap, but I'm gonna pretend I'm not because I wanna not be that mm-hmm

[00:38:06] And so I am acting like I'm okay. But I don't believe it inside. That's where you're at high risk of fraud syndrome. Mmm, which is where that boomerang comes in. Yeah. Um, if you are doing more of the modeling side, which is something that NLP talks about, where you find someone who's doing what you wanna do, and you act as if, yeah, you are that person, , without denying the internal voice, but in addition to it, so I am.

[00:38:33] Acknowledging that I currently feel like I'm garbage. And from this place, I know I don't wanna be that anymore. So I'm going to act as if I am whole. So someone who is whole, how would they sit? How would they stand? How would they respond? Mm-hmm I'm gonna allow myself to move into that space. I'm still gonna need to work on that filter though.

[00:38:50] I'm still gonna need to work on the part of me that believes I'm garbage. Otherwise I'm constantly gonna be in a push pull. , but the whole ancy you make it is, um, it's less about the actions. It's more about the intention. It's a very fast path to what we call spiritual bypassing. Where you have a lot of people who are like, no, I'm, I'm whole, I'm wonderful.

[00:39:11] And, but they don't believe it. And so they'll start to end up with lots of health issues starting to show up because we are not supposed to lie to ourselves. We are not supposed to deny the wholeness of our essence of our soul. We're supposed to learn to tap into it. Yeah. And so if acting as if is a conduit to your.

[00:39:29] Awesome. If it's a, instead of having to deal with my crap, watch out for that boomerang, it's gonna hit hard. got it'll hit hard. Yeah. Yeah. 

[00:39:39] Our thanks to Jennifer fable. She is the host of the BTG podcast and she is an emotional resiliency coach. You can find out more about her and her work in the show notes for this episode@thefitmess.com. So many great takeaways from this interview. I'm so glad that we did this and I'm so happy. We were able to share this with you. 

[00:39:56] Because the idea that again, you can delete all of that self-talk that holds you back. You can delete the stories that you tell yourself and replace them with things that can help you achieve everything you want in your life. I think is, is an incredibly exciting idea. And there are a lot of things, like she mentioned, you know, she mentioned herself that getting into hypnosis at first, she was like, this is some woo bullshit. 

[00:40:18] There are so many things. We talk about this all the time in the last, you know, 10 years that we've been doing this, how many things do we go into going? Well, this seems like some woo bullshit or this. Pseudo science nonsense. And then you do it. And either because it's psychosomatic or because there's real science behind it, the shit works and it really changes your life. And, you know, 

[00:40:37] I'm not saying jump out and do everything all at once, but the things that you dismiss out of hand as being complete nonsense. Sometimes they're worth giving a try. Yeah, absolutely. I know hypnosis is something that's on my list. Like I, I have been avoiding it for a long time. Because of that belief. Yup. 

[00:40:54] , And I, I don't know why I read it because you don't want to end up singing Madonna songs on a stage somewhere without. That might, that might be it, but I think I'm also a little bit afraid that it's going to work. And yes. And what, what if it does work in like, Removes all these issues like that. 

[00:41:10] I don't want the essence of me is to grow and to fix my issues. And if I get rid of all my issues, what am I? This is something that through some of the most healing work I've ever done, , when I approach it, I become aware of the idea that it could fix me and it could heal me. And that is scary shit. Like figuring out if I'm not the sort of, you know, depressed, quiet guy in the corner. That's angry all the time. Well then who the fuck am I? You're the weird guy who rides his bike. 

[00:41:38] Also the weird guy that rides his bike to work every day, but those, those pieces of identity. That we hang on to, I mean, the weird guy that rides his bike, the, you know, successful work guy, the podcast or the beer drinker, like all the different things that people hold on to. But when your mental health is something that you hold on to as an identity or, or I guess your lack of mental health. 

[00:41:59] When you hold on to that is your identity. The idea of letting that go. That's. I mean, that's the voice in your head. That's not like the character you play at work. That's who you deal with all day. And figuring out how to live without that person is very intimidating. Yeah. But at the same time, 

[00:42:15] That, that voice that's in your head. Right there. They want, they want this to be resistant. Right. They don't want you to change. Yeah. Yeah. But to, to Jen's point, like, you know, you asked the question of how hard is it? To actually become the new person and that's the easier part. So yeah, don't let that voice talking to anything. 

[00:42:35] And the fact that so many of those voices are seeds that were planted before you were seven years old. Listening to that part of it. Like, I didn't interject, I didn't say anything, but just thinking through what happened to me between zero and seven. Yeah. It was no wonder I was all fucked up. 

[00:42:53] Yeah. Yeah, just abs and it's no wonder that to this day, I've got these negative voices. In light of all the evidence that are there contrary to, to those voices. I still have those voices in my head. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, as I mentioned, you're just interacting with my parents and hearing them say the things that they say out loud about themselves. It's not even things they said to me, it's the way they describe themselves. And how, as a child, you, it takes a long time before you even realize you are not your parents. 

[00:43:23] Yeah. And so to hear those stories and in those things, they told themselves, and to take them on as your own identity and to be 45 and realizing, oh, shit. That's where that came from. Like, if I knew that 20 years ago, I would be so much further along in this and would be so much more healed. Uh, and, and I'm not, I'm not blaming my parents, right? This is not a, your parents fuck you up. Everyone's parents fucked them up in some way. Like whatever, whatever baggage they bring to being parents. 

[00:43:51] Is passed onto you as a kid in some way or another. Yeah. So, this is not a, you know, my parents were bad. This. Nothing like that. It's just the idea that all those things that you hear. That you absorb as your own. Uh, it's, it's very shocking to make that awareness and to make that connection, that, that that's, that's not your voice. That's someone else's that's that was planted in your head. 

[00:44:12] Yeah. I have to go. I have to go back to, like, there wasn't even. There were voices, but there was like straight up abandonment. Right. Right. The way I act now is like, oh, well I need to show my worth. Like, I need people to think that I'm good. So they don't leave. So they don't leave. Yeah. And it's still with me and that's like, 

[00:44:32] And I still cannot get over the fact when somebody is like, Hey, you're really smart. Or, Hey, you actually look good. I'm like, well, that's fucking weird because not everything, everything that I learned when I was zero to seven, was that, no, you're not smart enough. You're not good enough. You're not good looking enough because I'm still gonna leave. 

[00:44:48] Right. Right. So. Here we go. There's there's my problem. In a nutshell. Well, uh, I wish I had the answer, but luckily Jennifer does. So I perhaps give her a call and, and seek her services. Oh, I'm going to, I think, I think her work and . The way she approaches this. 

[00:45:07] Bye. Taking whatever that self-talk is and deleting it first and then replacing it with a healthy message. Yeah. Like a, it's a shortcut. Right. You can save yourself two months. Yeah. Right. She said she has an eight day program. Yeah. If you can do an eight days, what would normally take 66 days of like pain and suffering. Yeah. 

[00:45:24] Why not, why not? I'm totally going to call her and talk with her. Absolutely. Well, I recommend you do the same thing again, you can find her information in the show notes for this episode@thefitness.com. 

[00:45:34] And if any of this resonated with you, we'd love to hear about it in our Facebook community. 

[00:45:38] Where you'll find a bunch of other people who are just going through life and going through this journey together. Same as us. Struggling thriving, struggling. Struggling again. Struggling a little more, maybe a little bit more, a little bit more. A little more, but still thriving in some way, shape or form. Because we're all being open and vulnerable. It's really great group. Uh, you can find the link to that in the show notes for this episode@thefitness.com. That's where we will be back next week with a brand new episode. Thank you so much for listening. See you everyone. 

Jennifer Febel Profile Photo

Jennifer Febel

Emotional Resiliency Coach

“You are not broken.” This has become Jennifer's personal and professional mantra and one that she intends to spread to as many people as possible.

After receiving over 7 different mental health diagnoses by the age of 19, Jennifer embarked on a journey of healing and self-discovery that few people get to experience.

Today, as an Emotional Resiliency Coach, Mentor and Motivational Speaker, Jennifer is on mission to teach the world that no one is ever broken, and everyone can find the healing they desire.

Jennifer offers alternative support for anyone suffering from feelings of depression, overwhelm, anxiety or hopelessness who is not finding the healing they want through traditional mental health services and is tired of the emotional rollercoaster.

In her private practice, groups and trainings, Jennifer invites you to explore the space between your head and your heart and learn to bridge the gap so you can step into a version of your Self you never dreamed possible.

So, who is Jen? She is someone who has walked the path of brokenness and lived to tell the story. She is someone who has experienced a dark night of the soul and lived there for over 13 years. She is someone who has been told, over and over again, that she is broken. And yet here she is. Stronger than before.

Jennifer’s purpose? Empowering individuals, couples and teams to step into their power and transform the way they relate to themselves and the world around them. She candidly shares her story in the hopes of inspiring others to know that no one is broken; everyone can heal.

If you are craving change and are tired of hitting dead ends and roadblocks on your journey to exceptional mental health, you are invited to reach out and connect.

Jennifer works with clients both locally and internationally and is currently offering virtual sessions and trainings to help make finding support easy and accessible.