Dec. 2, 2020

Healing Through Music: How to Return to Your True Self with Carrie Akre

Healing Through Music: How to Return to Your True Self with Carrie Akre

We all need a little help sometimes, especially when it comes to journeys of personal development. Whether your goal is to be happier or to find fulfillment or purpose, it can be pretty tough to figure out how to accomplish your goals on your own. In...


We all need a little help sometimes, especially when it comes to journeys of personal development. Whether your goal is to be happier or to find fulfillment or purpose, it can be pretty tough to figure out how to accomplish your goals on your own. In those circumstances, many people turn to a life coach. Like a therapist, a life coach is someone who can help you identify strengths and weaknesses and overcome obstacles holding you back.

Our guest this week has often been referred to as “The Queen of Seattle Music. For years Carrie Akre fronted the bands, Hammerbox, Goodness, and The Rockfords...all of which had huge followings, especially in the Pacific Northwest. Now her career has shifted from entertaining and inspiring fans through music, to inspiring and motivating people through life-coaching. We talk with her about how her musical journey was just the start of a path to helping others. 

As she writes on her website, “Everyone goes through moments when it important to find their truth, facing fears and make a plan to do/be who you want. Change is absolutely possible and you don't have to figure it all out alone. You deserve and sometimes need support as you discover and plan out your next steps toward what you desire!”

In this episode learn more about how vulnerability and authenticity helped launch her to the front of the stage in front of adoring fans, and how her experience can help you live a more fulfilling and authentic life yourself.

Join her Facebook Group to learn more about upcoming workshops: Dec 7, 8, 9 “Cocooning for Change: Three steps to start making a change in your life.” 

Thank you for listening!

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Transcript

53-CarrieAkre

Jeremy: [00:00:00] This 

is the fit mess with 

Zach and Jeremy. Well, the holiday season is upon us. Thank you for being there and being part of our little community here. If you have not already, please jump over to our website, the fitness.com and subscribe to make sure you get the show every week on whatever podcast player you're using this week.

We're going to be focusing on the relationship that you have with yourself and with the mentors, the people you look to in your life. And we're going to do that with a guest that I'm very excited to have on the show she has been often referred to as the queen of Seattle music. Her name is Carrie ACRI.

For years. She fronted the band's hammer box. Goodness, the Rockford's tons of solo work. She's built a huge following entertaining and inspiring fans through her music. And now she's inspiring and motivating people through her businesses. A life coach, I for one have spent more time in my life than I care to admit, searching for a mentor.

Too often I've put my faith in someone because they had more experience, a better title. They were just enthusiastic about the thing we were working on. They had some set of skills that I wished I had, but in the last decade or so with the help of frankly, a lot of therapy, I've found that a lot of the answers that I've been looking for in those mentors have been inside of me, Zach, I don't know.

Do you have a mentor in your life? Is there somebody you turn to for answers? I'm always 

Zach: [00:01:17] looking for mentors, new ones. It's, you know, there's no one mentor that's gonna do it for me. Uh, for me, I have several that, you know, that focus on different areas of my life and together I've got, you know, a group of mentors.

Jeremy: [00:01:35] Yeah. I th and I think that's important. It's like the mistake that I've made over the years is thinking that you know, that I'm Luke and I'm going to meet Yoda. And Yoda going to guide me on some path to enlightenment or whatever. And that hasn't happened for me, but there have been relationships that have come and gone and, and people in my life that I've learned lessons from that I apply to my life now.

So in a way, they, they sort of served their purpose and then moved on. And, you know, I just, I just keep learning the lesson over and over again that I'm never going to meet. Yoda. Who's always going to be around. There are just going to be experiences that I have, that I need to pull the information from to apply to my life.

Zach: [00:02:17] That's exactly 80 20 rule. Get 80% of what you can from them and move on because that other 20% that you're going to try and get is going to be hard to get. It's going to be mixed with, you know, no, one's perfect. It's going to be mixed with failures. So. Get what you can get. Thank them. Move on. I do it in my professional life.

I've got people who are across the organization or, you know, in different companies entirely who are doing what I want to do. And I reach out to them and I talk to them and I tell them about issues that I'm having and how they would solve them because they're more experienced than me. And the same thing on the personal side.

You know, if I see somebody who's been through what I've been through, Or has had the same issues or struggles through the same issues. I'm going to talk to them and say, Hey, here's what I'm struggling with. How have you dealt with it in the past? And getting that feedback is really important because that's where you're going to come up with new ideas.

But you are right. That a lot of the answers that we need to know for this path are already there. 

Jeremy: [00:03:22] I think the mentor role that as I'm trying to accept it is. Uh, you know, the, the mentor's a hardware store, right? Like, I know, I know I have this problem. I'm pretty sure I know how to fix it, but I don't know what tools I need and that's where I need to be able to go to somebody.

Who's like, Oh, you know how to fix this? You know what tool I need. Ah, okay. Now that I know it's this particular wrench I can fix this problem. That's sort of been my evolution with it as well, rather than trying to figure out, you know, What is my problem and, and, and, you know, does it need solving? Like I know all that.

I just maybe don't know the technique that I need to employ to make it work. 

Zach: [00:04:01] And I, I have kind of the opposite problem and that I would go shopping for tools without knowing what I'm about to fix. 

Jeremy: [00:04:08] Hmm. Don't do that. 

Zach: [00:04:10] No, my therapist called me out on that one. So I was always looking for ways to improve or fix things within myself.

And she's like, well, what's the problem you're trying to fix. Right. I was like, uh, I don't know. That's a, that's a great question, 

Jeremy: [00:04:24] but I love power tools. So another thing that we've talked about over and over on the show is how important, how valuable vulnerability is, how much that the more you put yourself in that space.

The more you're going to grow. The more you get uncomfortable, the more you're going to grow. And that was the thing that I really wanted to ask our guests about. Carrie Akre is a life coach. She was the lead singer of some of the, some of my favorite bands, the Rockford's goodness hammer box, all had huge followings in the nineties and particularly here in the Pacific Northwest.

And I always sort of, uh, admired her and other singers because it's such a vulnerable position to put yourself in, to use your voice, to convey, you know, your thoughts. And to risk the criticism that can come from putting yourself out there like that. So our conversation with her started, uh, there, just talking about putting yourself out there in that vulnerable position on stage and how much that challenged her and really helped her to grow.

Carrie Akre: [00:05:49] I personally enjoy the vulnerable state. Like I, I am built that way. I sort of feel like the, the safest place is all the way out there. Mm. Do you know what I mean, then? I guess if you were going to think about it defensive it's like, I'd rather show you all of my crap first. That way you can't use it against me kind of thing.

Yeah. I mean, I'm not actively doing that, but that's one thought right. In my head, I'm like, well, yeah, you know, you can't hurt me with what I already know. 

Jeremy: [00:06:18] Right. 

Carrie Akre: [00:06:19] I go, yeah. Um, but I also like communion with people and I feel like, and I want to commune deeply with people. And so. The great thing about the stage is that it's a automatic platform of power just because you're doing something most people are too scared to do.

I come to realize that, right. Um, but it's also an opportunity because it's an easy entree to people and they easily want to open up to you because of that stance. Um, you could positively take advantage of that and say, great, I will. In my position on stage will portray vulnerability for you because we all need it.

And I'm in a position courageously to be like, here's all of me, you have this issue too. Right? Like, so, and I thought about it that way. I was very much like, um, I will do for you what you might not do for yourself, you know? And I am a, I am a doorway to you. Opening up, right? Like I'm willing to do that. I enjoy that kind of thing naturally.

I'm not, that's not something I have to like, try hard to do. Like, I like to commune with people. I like to, I mean, even as a kid, I, my natural state is to be like, who are you? What are you doing? Why do you do that? What was it like to grow up there? You know, I just, I want to like crawl into someone else's life and be like, well, what's that like?

And, um, I'm super curious about people and I'm comfortable in that. And so the stage. Gives you a lot of free entree. Um, And access to people, right. And the opportunity, like I'm saying to create a safe space for people, and especially in like the second band I was in goodness, that was a large part of my, um, ethos behind that band.

Like when I left hammer box, the first band I was in, I very. Thoughtfully was like, what do I want this next experience to be? You know, like I learned some lessons in the very first band I was ever in. Here's what I want, like the band to be like, hopefully working together, what our relationships would look like, what will we embody in terms of an idea in the music and what sort of like, what sort of.

Environment do I want to create? And I wanted to create it off of my own nature, which is to care for people and to commune and give like anybody who felt out of place or dorky or not cool, a place to feel good. You know what I mean? And I knew I was like, well, Coming out of a band that was popular during the grunge era, I will be the, you know, for lack of better way of saying it, I will be the popular girl who sides with all the nerds and says I'm with, you know what I mean?

Like I will be with you and I want it. I wanted goodness. Right. I picked the name goodness, for a reason. Like I wanted to embody good things for people. Cause I just, I've never. I have never, um, aspired to, or respected the need to be cool. Like what the hell does that even mean? 

Jeremy: [00:09:25] Yeah. Well, you did it anyways, so, you know, congratulations for doing it effortlessly.

Um, 

Carrie Akre: [00:09:31] so 

Jeremy: [00:09:32] music I think is such a powerful healing tool. Just as a listener. I mean, the other day I was listening to like, I'm, I'm so dialed into the head and the heart right now. Like everything about the way that they perform, just, it just pulls all the feelings out and helps me process them. You know, goodness was that for me in my, you know, younger days.

And, and there was just so much that just spoke to me and. And, you know, I mean, I'm, I'm from Seattle. I grew up, like you said, in the grunge era. So there's Chris Cornell, Kurt Cobain, Eddie Vedder, like all these people that I just was drawn to, um, that that really helped me process a lot of stuff. And I remember an interview with the Chris Cornell gave where he said, uh, somebody was asking him about.

Uh, if he was concerned that his kind of their darker themes would lead to more kids killing themselves or causing more problems. And he even said like, I do this because I think people relate to it. And it helps them process that from a performer standpoint, is, is that sort of the intention? Are you, are you sort of releasing.

Or processing your trauma through music, or is it more trying to help the listener process their own or is it just sort of a symbiotic 

Carrie Akre: [00:10:47] thing? It's both, it's both of those things. Like I've always, um, You know, I grew up doing choir and I never really thought, Oh yeah, I gotta be in a band. Right. Like I grew up in the Tri-Cities Eastern Washington state and there wasn't, um, a music scene, a wide variety of music scene.

There was hardcore punk. Right. Um, and so I did choir and I would listen to a lot of music and daydream and all that, but I was not somebody who was like, I gotta be in a band, like knowing that ahead of time. And so when I, uh, got to Seattle, it was just much more apparent, right. That there were bands and music anyways.

Um, so when I started doing music, it, since I had no background or thought about it, I just automatically started using it as like your personal journal. You know, like, all I know is what's, what's good. All I know is what's going to come. Something's going to come out of me and what's going to come out of me is mine.

Right? My crap, like my happiness, my story, this is what's happening to me. Um, Uh, naturally. And so, yeah, I mean, if I look, if I look back on lyrics, I mean, I often joke, like I'm processing out loud and I just got to tell the audience everything's going to be okay, man, or I'm going to be okay. Don't worry about me.

I'm okay. You know, like, cause they're sad or, you know, or. Just working things out in song. And so then, then I think people can relate to that, right. They're like, Oh, me too. Yeah. Or I see myself in that song or, or, you know, on the more positive side like that, that happy song was a part of, you know, when I met my wife or a happy time in my life or an era, um, that sends me emotionally.

Right? Yeah. So it's a little bit of both. I mean, I am high. I mean, as an artist, I am. The highest compliment is if someone goes the song you wrote, maybe about your own stuff, say, you know, helped me. I mean, Oh my God, like never in my pre band days or height, let's just say high school. Right. Did I think like, Oh, you're going to write music that.

You know, affects people, you know, in any fashion. 

Jeremy: [00:12:57] Yeah. That seems like a natural segue into where you are now in your career from helping people through music now, helping people through a life coaching process. Talk, talk to me a little bit about that transition, how you knew this was what you needed to do and what you do as a life coach.

Carrie Akre: [00:13:18] Well, You know, I did music as a living up until I was 35. Um, and then I, I think I had that moment at 35. Everybody has, you know, maybe like, what am I doing or something's working or not working. And the music industry is not an easy one. Right? Like, so, um, at that point, you know, I. You could things go on a trajectory?

Right. I could see like, well, the music scene was changing. The industry was changing. You know, we had been signed to a bunch of labels, but then it was kind of petering out. Right. And so at some point I was like, well, now what, um, And so I went to go work corporate side and did that up until I'd say last year.

And in that journey, I mean, there was a lot, I learned in that journey from going from doing art full time to working for companies. And the hard part of working for companies, me in particular and all those lessons I learned in there, I was like, this is good wisdom and information like, so this is I've played on both sides, right?

Entrepreneurial art, corporate. Um, and so I've seen, I feel like, and walked a path that a lot of people, regardless of doing art have been on or experienced in like the corporate world. Like it's not just cause I did art that I would say like, Corporate cultures need some help, you know, or dynamics that can happen or toxicity and all that kind of stuff for great things.

So I could feel sort of towards the last like few years, you know, That works served me in my life, you know, helped support my family all, you know, I got to go different places on it, but I was really feeling like this isn't working for me. This isn't me. I need to return to me whatever that is at this point.

Right. And music is something I will always do. I like I have that art form. You know, like I I've, I've definitely gone through a passage where I was like, well, it may not be that you get signed to go on tour. Uh, you know, that moment of like crisis of like, Oh my God. Yeah. Um, but I was like, well, the thing I will have forever is I can write, I can record.

I know plenty of musicians. I can go play live. And I was like, I got that for life. So I felt kind of like. Good about where that was falling, but I was also, there's a whole nother side to me again, I think since childhood by nature, where I like to cheer people on, I like to rah, rah, I like to stick up for the underdog.

I mean, that played out in like the bands and the purpose and all that. But now. Especially at this age at like mid-life, you know, which is 30, whatever 35 to let's see, 55, 56. I don't know. Um, I feel like I have something Knotel near the life experience of path and risk taking, like you said, that I've done, but I also have by nature, a desire, like a pleasure in being someone's cheer, you know, coach or whatever, like to cheer them on.

And yeah. I also am not risk adverse. You know, I, I will say like by nature, like adventure and I'm compelled, you know, I don't, my worst fear is not taking the risk. My worst fear is not taking the risk and being 80 and going too late. Like that scares the crap out of me. And it happens to compel me forward and I don't.

I'm not somebody who can sit in dissatisfaction and just be okay with it. I'm not like I'll get super depressed. I don't handle that. Well, um, I can't, I don't, I'm not able to bury that. Like some people can really like, Nope, I'm going to relegate that thought over here and I'm good. And I'm like, ah, that's gonna, that's gonna like chew it, me and my psyche and it's not gonna look good.

It's gonna look like every night,

one and a half. And then I got to kind of stop. Um, and so. So I just, and you know, and as you go along and I was like, well, what do I want to do now? You know, that's kind of a natural question. Yeah. At midlife. And, and this is also the subject matter that has propelled me to do coaching as well, midlife.

Right? What is midlife? Yeah. And you know, it's a natural moment of questioning it's for everyone. Right. What's working, what's not working. What have I not dealt with? And the bigger question, what do I really want to do? Like that's the deeper courageous question. And so all of that's my jam, like, love it.

And I like, can't wait to get my hands on people and be like, yeah, you can do that. Like, let's get the hell out of here. You know? Like, what do you really want? Like, you know, and, and people will go, I don't know. Cause they've forgotten how to know. Yeah. Um, they will say, well, what, I really want this, but you know, and so it's.

It's good questions. Like I pose the good questions. I pose the, like the kind of like, is that true? Are you sure? Is that real? You know what I mean? Like just the sort of going to slow erosion of like, Hmm. Yeah. And so the people could say, look okay. I'm like, Okay. What I really want is this, but I, I also couched that in coaching of like, look, you could do all of this process in the privacy of your own brain.

You don't, it's not about you have to go like, and your life down, you know? Cause I think people think, well, if I do that, like, you know, the feeling is like, everything's going to go wrong. It's just that feeling. And just the feeling alone will keep people from doing something. I'm like, look, there's lots of ways to do this slowly.

You know, in your head for two years, if that's what works for you and it's whatever works for you, right? Like I often say in coaching, none of this is about me. Nothing like it is all about you and all I care about is you truthfully. 

Jeremy: [00:19:11] Yeah. I, I hear a lot from my friends that have sort of seen me on my journey over the last few years that, uh, They'll they'll sort of almost confess to me about how they're failing to stick to their spiritual principles or their disciplines or whatever.

And I'm like, yeah, yeah, me too. All the time, all the time. Like, it'll be awesome for like four days. And then I will just fall into a shitstorm for like a week and then I gotta reset and do it all again, like, yeah, but it is funny. This just, it's such an individual process and, and you have to just be so gentle with yourself and allow it to happen.

Carrie Akre: [00:19:47] Well, and I don't know if you guys feel the same way, but we are living in such, I mean, especially right now, an isolated state that people are alone in their own heads and they do think, and punish themselves and are hard on themselves. And I'm like, you are not alone. Like even the person and they, you know, we've got like the Instagram world where everything looks great.

Now everybody's lives are easy and you get into MB and I'm like, you don't know them. You have no idea what's going on behind the scenes. Hopefully it's something great. But I would say a large percentage of people's real lives are like everybody else. Yep. Good days. Bad days. Yep. So, so the, you know, I felt like in coaching, I felt like I had found my second calling.

So, and I also consider myself, um, a healer. So, you know, music was one form of healing. Um, for people like that, art form, I think his music is very healing. Um, but I like to look at it that way. Um, and I feel like coaching and. Cheering people on or holding space for people presenting them with other options or, you know, just helping them move towards a truly authentic life is what I would like to contribute to.

Yeah. So, and I am deeply grateful to have found it. A sense of purpose, you know, people want that. And I was like, but now, you know, now the work is like, go be an entrepreneur. And I'm like, Hmm.

Jeremy: [00:21:23] Okay. All this stuff around 

Zach: [00:21:25] it is generally no fun. 

Carrie Akre: [00:21:27] Yeah. Right. Yeah. So. You know, I'm, I'm in the middle of learning that right now. So just having done like a S like a smattering of coaching over the last couple of years, but now I left my last corporate job in August and I'm like, okay, you're doing it. Um, and I'm, I'm also a very intuitive person.

Like intuition is very real to me. You know, my workshops on that I'm doing are about that. The answers are inside of you. And often, you know, way more than you think, you know, you just have to be willing to admit it. Right. And again, you don't have to like move the sky and the earth instantaneously, but like, to at least be truthful with yourself is a perfect first step.

Yeah. Like what do you really want? What do you, and you don't have to tell anybody, like, but at least be honest. Yeah. 

Zach: [00:22:21] I love that trick. Actually. I use it all the time of somebody will come in and for, for help. And I won't offer anything other than questions. And they sit there and they answer them. And then five minutes later, they're like, Oh right, I got it.

I got the answer, I got it. And they walk out and they're 

like, you did a great job helping me. And I'm 

like, I did nothing. I was totally 

Carrie Akre: [00:22:45] exactly, exactly. Cause they do to know what's going on or what they want. Um, They, you know, it's just the scariest thing. It can feel scary to admit it, whatever it is.

Like when my last job was working at the bill and Melinda Gates foundation. Right. That's a sweet deal. 

Jeremy: [00:23:05] Oh 

Carrie Akre: [00:23:07] yeah. So I remember having a feeling or a knowing that I was like, Yeah, this is going to be the last one, or this is coming to an end for me. Like I just, I know I'm done. And I remember sort of feeling like, Oh crap.

Jeremy: [00:23:26] Yeah. 

Carrie Akre: [00:23:26] Like I knew, I was like, if you were really honest, what's the deal. And I'm like, yeah, I don't want to work here anymore. Yeah. I want to go. And I was like, 

Jeremy: [00:23:33] so the way the world was, and even the way it is now, I think makes it really difficult to create the quiet that you need to hear that voice.

Sometimes I think sometimes we're so caught up in, get the kids on now, get them online, make sure they're on task. Make sure you're not missing a meeting that you had scheduled for the eighth one in a row. We're constantly, whether we're. In 2019 running to soccer practice and home for dinner or now screen to screen.

There's never really time there's time, but you have to, you have to make the time. So how, I guess, what advice would you give to somebody who's like, I don't even know what my, to my intuition sounds like, because my mind is so busy with all the alerts and reminders that I need to stay on task. How, how do you make space for that in your life?

Carrie Akre: [00:24:20] Uh, I'm a huge proponent of silence, like finding eking out 10 minutes consistently. Yeah. So that's, that's the, the point is the practice of it. It's not like I did 10 minutes. I sold everything. I'm like, no, this is practice. Is this silence. This is allowing, um, This is listening, noticing, you know, participating actively purposely with yourself to say, okay, I'm going to be silent because I need, cause I know like knowingly, I need to rest my nervous system.

I need to clear my head. I need to release whatever stress. And then I'd like to hear, what do I really think? You know? So I'm a big proponent of 10 minutes of silence. And practice that for a year. Like, because it's like unraveling an onion, you know, it's, it's it, the practice will bring you more and more and more, you know, I think people sit like in meditation or prayer or hikes or, um, You know, there's places to find it, even if you're in your backyard, right.

Even if it's like, whatever spot in your car, go sit in your car. Um, for th for people who have like four or five kids and they're trying to do online, you know what I mean? Like, and work from home, go to go to your car, you know, shut the door, like, or drive down the street and sit in your car, but just silence.

Um, and. Because God's silence is beautiful. You know what I mean? Is anybody else, kids like silence is delicious. Um, and there's a lot in there. I. I picked up meditation when my mom died. So, uh, I don't, I don't know that I could have said I was someone who could settle down on anything regularly, other than bands, you know, bands are kind of organized for you.

You know what I mean? And you're like, great, thank God. Um, so any kind of practice of anything wasn't my gig. But, um, when my mom passed, um, that was so big. That I knew I was like, I'm going to need something to get through this. This is, this is the biggest thing that's ever event that's ever happened. And it's.

A hundred percent game changing. Like, you know, for me, it just carved me out in a whole different way. Um, cause my mom was my pillar, my center. I knew when it happened, I was like, Ooh, you have two things. I was like, you can't drink and you got to find something until you got to find something. So I literally just took to sitting because, um, I had to go through it.

I could, I knew I had to go through it, not around it and just be in it. Um, and so, um, that's seven years of on a pretty regular basis. Like I would just say, I don't even call it meditation because I think sometimes people get thrown by that, like, but just sitting, um, and it was deeply helpful. Um, because it, it taught me so many things.

Like things don't have to be clean things don't have to be, um, Crying is okay. Crying, you know, four years later is okay. You know, random crying, um, anything, anything that, any process, however it needs to come out is fine. Um, and then I got, you know, in it, I also got curious like, Oh look, Oh yeah. You know, cause we.

Have a lot of things happen to us and we bury that. Right. And even the smartest, best people bury things. Um, and so I, you know, in a year or two, like, You, you know, things would come up where I was like, Oh yeah, like one, I hadn't thought of it that way, or, Oh, I forgot about that thing. Yes. That's been affecting me for decades.

You know what I mean? Like, so it, it gave me an opportunity to, um, be with myself, heal, um, notice, get curious, and then. I started to really look at it like, no, you could define your whole life right here. Like you can get in touch with yourself enough to now go build your life. Cause through grief for me, it was just sort of like, you know, you're just going to be in grief and grief is going to have its way with you.

You know, it's, you're, you're at the, you gotta let go. Um, so I knew that would happen, but at some point I was like, I'm going need, and it's gonna sound way, way more dramatic than I made it to. But at some point I'm going to ha I want to feel like I'm. I want to live, you know what I mean? Like that I'm looking forward to things like that feeling I used to have, you know, of like, I'm excited to be here, I'm building something.

I like me. Um, I'm happy in life and happy to participate, like can and can see things to participate in for a reason. So it took me years to do that. But silence. Helped me get that. 

Jeremy: [00:29:16] Yeah. And I would say for me, I didn't even need grief to be there. I mean, there were just, I mean, years literally where I woke up everyday, just in, not necessarily the first thought, but you wake up with the feeling of.

What's what's the point of this day? Like, 

Carrie Akre: [00:29:31] Oh my God. Panic 

Jeremy: [00:29:33] or yeah, like 

Carrie Akre: [00:29:34] panic, just like anxiety. And you're like why? 

Jeremy: [00:29:37] Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's, 

Carrie Akre: [00:29:39] it's, 

Zach: [00:29:41] you've mentioned a couple of times now, when you were telling the story about your mom, that you had to go through it instead of around it and that you have to face your fears and you have to 

really look at 

what's going on.

And I think. You know, for me personally, that was always a big, big hurdle. And I think that's a really big hurdle for a lot of people who haven't faced some of those fears, so right. What kind of, you know, tips, advice, and I know it's all individualized, but like, you know, what can, what can we do generally to kind of accept that and look at those things and start opening them up and being okay with them?

Carrie Akre: [00:30:18] Um, well I always still be bookable things. I'm like one, nobody died from crying. Right. Like nobody, your physically not going to. Cause I think that's, everyone's worst worry. Like I'm going to be debilitated or it's about, um, I'm going to be so broken. I won't be able to support my family or I won't be able to do anything.

Um, so, well, one, if people are afraid of crying, like. There's nothing wrong with crying, right? Like it's no one's going to pass from that to, you'll be surprised at who will come to your aid if you, and this is for the people who are extremely like revealing something, right. Who will come to your aid and you need to learn how to ask for help.

Right? Like, You can learn so much in giving yourself permission to face something. You'll discover that you have friends, you have family that are like me too, or I'll support you, give you this space and, um, to do that. But I also say to people just because you're getting truthful, doesn't mean you automatically have to do anything, right.

Like, and that can be private because I think people think, well, if I admit it. Then there's something I can't control is going to happen. That is going to shake me and I cannot handle it. And what that looks like for different people is different, right? Like there's something about being completely weak and out of control.

Maybe that's embarrassed. I don't know, embarrassment or fear or falling apart. Literally. Like I see somebody just like. You know, having an epileptic fit on the floor, I think just think they're going to lose all control. Right. Um, and that's not true. I guess I would tell people that that's, I would say the majority of time, not true that that's going to happen, um, that you can do all this privately.

Um, but at least admit it to yourself, right? Like with kindness to, with kindness and care, slow. No, one's in a rush chair ever. Yeah. That's what I say to people a lot. This is not a race. Like this is about caring for you, caring about you. So be gentle with yourself because we aren't usually and do whatever you need to do.

In the best way that you like to have it done, to get to the place where you can hold space. And then if it's about admitting something, then gently, kindly privately in your own head do that. That's like step one. And there's just so many steps along the way, but I like to make sure people don't feel like no, one's going to shove.

You embarrass you, force you faster than is okay with you. Um, and if you never want to talk about it to me or anyone. That's fine. I mean, again, it's about, I always say it's about you, what you want. It's not what I want for you, or think you should do. It's what works for you. It's self is so much self care and permission and tenderness and kindness.

And, um, and I also do think we live maybe just in America as well. We live in such a like, what are you doing? Solve it? Where are you going with Elena? And I'm like, you're not here. You're not here to garner things or to get things or go anywhere. You're here to, in my book. And this is going to go, I guess, to the deep, deep core belief of lion you're here to experience love.

Jeremy: [00:33:42] Yeah, that's it. Yeah. And it's, so it has been for me in my life. It's it can be so hard to allow that when whatever conditioning. You've done to yourself that society, parents, whatever have done when, when you have sort of conditioned yourself not to allow it to not even allow vulnerability, because you have to have a wall up to protect yourself and to protect that fear that holds everything in just.

Allowing yourself to feel love, can be such a monumental thing to figure out how to do. And I mean, I've been married for 20 years. I have two kids and I still struggle with accepting love from this family that I've made. 

Carrie Akre: [00:34:26] Yeah. Well, I think one of the, when you said you're like, I'm gearing up and I'm putting up walls.

My favorite question is like, What like what against what? And, you know, and then unraveling that stuff. Right? The good questions, you know, exactly saying posing the good questions. Yeah. Like what, what are you gearing up against? What's your worst fear? What, you know, and maybe, you know, what, what happened to you in the past or, um, where, what got you into this state?

You know, and there are things right. I was just talking to a friend today who's, um, realizing. They've had a bunch of trauma in their life. Um, and we just got onto the subject matter of will our bodies hold that ourselves, hold trauma. And so that's in your body for life. And so, um, until you release it right, and there's lots of ways to do that.

Um, that's real, you know, and so just again, just to be in gentle, but posing the good questions and I'll, I think you're right. I don't think people give themselves that. Re they rarely give themselves or understand that it's fair, how they're feeling, you know? 

Zach: [00:35:38] Yeah. I actually hired a moment last night. Um, you said it's okay to cry and I'm a huge star Trek fan, like passionate about it.

And I had it on the TV last night and my daughter walked by and she started watching it because it was on TV. It didn't matter what it was. But she was watching it and I looked up and I saw my daughter watching star Trek and I started to cry and then I immediately scolded myself for 

it. 

And then immediately went, no, it's okay.

Yeah, you can do that. You can let that happen. 

Carrie Akre: [00:36:13] Yeah. 

Zach: [00:36:13] But it was, I had to fight against the initial outrage. That was from my upbringing that you can't 

Carrie Akre: [00:36:19] cry. And don't you think guys have that a lot worse? Oh my 

Jeremy: [00:36:22] God. You'll cry. And, and I, and I, especially the last few years have allowed myself to more, but just in my growth, I've learned that it's okay.

But there are times when same situation, it'll be just a depressive episode. I don't have a reason. It's just, for whatever reason, the energy is coming out as crying. And my kids are in front of me. And the first thought is, you know, hide this, go away in the same thing. I have to flip the switch that says, no, they need to see that it's okay for a man to cry in front of them.

And it is something that is important. For everyone to be able to process those feelings. 

Carrie Akre: [00:36:56] Well, I also think for kids to see a parent or someone cry means nothing's wrong. Like you're still safe. Yeah. Just because I'm crying doesn't mean, Oh, something's wrong with mommy or daddy? Something's wrong. You're crying.

Crying. Doesn't mean. Danger. Right. You know, we have like this idea of like the, I guess, understandably parents are like, you're the one taking care of me and you look kind of upset and in trouble. And now I feel a little unsafe. I'm like, cause you're the one who's supposed to have it all together. And now, you know, you look like maybe to kids like something's wrong.

Um, and that makes sense. But I, you know, I have a son and. Uh, I mean, I constantly being like it's it's okay to cry, like cry. Yeah. Like don't, I mean, there was actually a couple of years when he was like six, where he actually said to me, he's like, no, I'm just going to keep it in. And I was like, no, I was like, no, I literally was like, yeah, I was a little panicky, like no joke.

I mean, it wasn't coming from us. I, I, that fascinated me. It wasn't coming from our house. And I was like, why is you, you as a boy. You're already like, where's that coming from? It's like, I actually asked him, like, why do you think that, 

Jeremy: [00:38:11] like, it's something it's like that ancestral, what do they call it? A, the ancestral.

Um, Ingenix yes, yes. Yeah. Yeah. That's so interesting. Wow. Uh, so a couple more quick, I could talk to you all day. I knew I was going to want to, um, I know that in your coaching, you, you focus a lot on intuition. You mentioned that, uh, earlier in the conversation, um, One of the things that I do still wrestle with sometimes is being able to determine which voice is the intuition in, which is the fear in which is the stuff that I've been programmed or programmed myself to believe.

So when I do take those moments to sit with whatever big decision I'm trying to make or feeling I'm trying to process or whatever, how can I tell the difference between just, just reacting to fear or trauma or whatever the thing is and what my inner voice really knows needs to be done. 

Carrie Akre: [00:39:00] Well, you kind of just did it with your hands.

Like fear is here. Yeah. Intuition is here, your gut. Right. And you can tell, cause you can feel it like there's a, a woman. I always recommend Martha Beck who has a book called a steering by Starlight. And she has, this is for decision-making. But like if whatever the subject matter is is she always says, does that feel shackles on.

Or shackles off. So if you, like, if you say, well, I'm afraid of this thing, or I'm supposed to do this, you know, when you check and go, does that feel good? You know, does it feel bad shackles on or does it feel good? And we know what feeling good feels like. I think what we get hung up on is, is the sheds, but I should do it.

And I'm like, yeah, but does it feel good? No. Then today it's a no today. And, and so I, you know, ego and fear is all up in here. Gut is here. I mean, gut could say no, but guts not gut is just, no, no, it doesn't feel good. No, it's not fear. 

Jeremy: [00:40:06] Yeah. 

Carrie Akre: [00:40:07] And so I, I think the second thing after that, and I'm learning this too, is honoring your no.

And that it's okay. In fact, this lady that I see blew my mind, like three weeks ago, like I'd never heard somebody say this and for me it really pertained. It really was something I was struggling with. She said one, you got to honor your, no, that was a big thing. Big, big thing. Um, and then I said, yeah, but I was talking about music.

Funny enough. I was like, yeah, but you know, I want to write more music. I want to make sure I get it out of there. And she's like, she goes, your, she goes, when you do that, you're in a relationship with your potential, right? She goes, and the truth is you're going to leave some potential on the table. You know, before you go, what, you know, like she's like, yeah.

Yes, it's okay. You're going to leave some things that you don't do. And it was huge to me because I don't know if it was when I went to college, but starting in college or maybe it was bands I got on this head trip of. I was doing a real head trip to myself about like, man, you sat on your butt all through junior high and high school.

Think about all the things you could have done. You better, you know, you were so lazy. Come on. You know what I mean? And I've been shoving myself ever since. And so she was challenging me on like, do you feel like doing that? Like, you know, so I could do shackles on or shackles off and get honest about it.

And I was like, I don't want to do it. She was like, then that's a no, no. But she's like, no, you're not here to have a relationship with what you might do. You might not do any of it. And that just right there, that broke my brain. I was like, 

Jeremy: [00:42:01] um, I'm having some of that right now because I, I, I do think there's something culturally that, that we're supposed to, again, back to kind of the beginning of the conversation we're supposed to acquire these things, do these things have these experiences and the more we don't do them, it feels like, Oh my God, time's running out.

How am I going to squeeze all this in. And the minute you can just let go like that and just go, huh? Maybe it won't. 

Carrie Akre: [00:42:22] Right. Because again, the point, the point for you on this planet is to be happy. No, we're not always happy. Right? But no, it's nothing. It's nothing you've acquired. Bought, accomplished none.

Not one thing of those things matters. Family love children, relationships, happiness. That's it? 

Jeremy: [00:42:49] Yeah, 

Carrie Akre: [00:42:50] that's it. I mean, I have to remind myself all the GD time there was, uh, Again, because I'm way about healers. I see a tenant. I love going to see healers. I'm constantly fascinated and this woman, there's another woman.

I went and saw who I was, again, all this stress, especially around music, you know, you go and do something like the gift to go and do something and have success at it is like, that's great. Lots of really wonderful things. But. 30 years in, and maybe you don't want to do it anymore, but you know, you're really caught up and like, you're this you're seen as this.

You're supposed to go do it. You should. It makes people happy. The one that really messed me, it's a healing thing. It makes people happy. You should be doing it. There's a legacy for you to blah, blah, blah. And she said to me, one day she was like, you know, it's okay if you never sing again.

And I was like, what? She's it's okay. Hm. I think it's totally okay if you don't, if you don't want to sing, you don't have to. I mean, conscious the way she said it was so connected to that's. 

Jeremy: [00:43:52] Okay. 

Carrie Akre: [00:43:53] I burst into tears. I was so relieved. I was like, thank God. 

Jeremy: [00:43:59] You do have to sing. You have to keep singing for me.

Carrie Akre: [00:44:03] I will, but I needed a break, need a break at that time. And I wasn't about to give it to myself, obviously. So it was just things like that. Right. So, you know, when you go back to like, what's, what's the difference? I would say going forward, when you come upon something that you think you're supposed to do, or you should do ask yourself, does it feel good or bad?

And get out of the way. Yeah. And just say, if it feels bad, it could be okay. It's a no for today. Maybe in a, maybe because you're tired. Right? Like, do you really have to decide that today? Um, but for, you know, honor the no, yeah. Honor the, no, I mean, embrace some mystery. Also get curious, embrace mystery. You might be saying no for a reason that that plays out later.

Yeah, 

Jeremy: [00:44:57] for sure. 

Zach: [00:44:58] I have to say that that was one of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn was because I was a yes person, I would say yes to everything because I wanted it to be helpful. And I'd say yes, and be like, Oh great. Now I got to go do that. 

And 

learning how to say no was. 

Yeah. 

One of the happiest days of my life.

Carrie Akre: [00:45:17] Totally. Because you're really not. If you're really into service, you're not serving anyone, anyone by making yourself miserable, they're not getting the best of you. Right, right. Yep. If that's the true goal. Um, but you know, sometimes people don't like it when you say no. And then we think that's really something we've done and 

Zach: [00:45:35] I've, I've learned I've, I've also learned that instead of saying no, I, I say not right now.

Carrie Akre: [00:45:40] Oh, yeah. Yeah. 

Zach: [00:45:41] That works a little bit better in calming the other person down. 

Carrie Akre: [00:45:45] Totally. I feel like in the last two years I have very, um, purposely been like bluntly. No. And who have I got some lessons in that? It's nothing like poking the bear. You know what I mean? Like, no, that's a no for me. And I've experienced some personalities that I was like, wow, I haven't.

Okay, but it was, it was, I don't regret it cause it's very enlightening. And at some point, and maybe I'm just saying this as a woman, too, right? Hardcore saying no is a good thing to learn how to do. Um, because then it helps me better live by my own truth and to do whatever I've been brought here to do.

Yeah. Right. And sometimes that's me not doing the girl thing. That's like, well, Ella and I'm, you know, cause we're trained to caretake and they be kind and serve, you know, all that. And so, um, but. That's, that's not always the best thing. Like you're still a human being. So sometimes it's like, no. Yeah, that's not okay with me.

No, 

Jeremy: [00:46:49] let's talk about workshop. Is that the right way to describe it? W what's coming up in January that you're trying to get folks to sign up 

Carrie Akre: [00:46:55] for it. I've decided I'm doing two things now. So, um, uh, I got myself my own coach, so I've actually started a Facebook page, a group Facebook page. And if you guys want me to add you to it, I will put my coaching.

And so I put that together, um, as a Homebase for people and I decided. No, I'm going to run one in December as well. So I'm actually doing a free three day session workshop, um, December 7th, eighth, and ninth, and it's free Facebook live on that group page. Um, and it is about, um, the thing I'm focusing on is the.

Primary steps to change. Right? All could be all of these. These three steps could actually be done just in your head, right. And the themes are, decide, believe. Go right. And go get in your head, just be now, actively go daydream, actively like invite in your true wishes, you know, meditate, you know, all of this doesn't have to be really the foot out the door.

Right. So, um, I, you know, as I do this business, I, when I meditate, I'm like, I listen and say, well, okay, what am I here to do? What am I here to say? And these things keep coming up for me about, um, what are the steps to. Moving forward or changing. Right. And the big one for me is decide, 

Jeremy: [00:48:18] yeah, 

Carrie Akre: [00:48:19] make a decision.

You don't have to tell anybody it could be totally private, but you got to be honest and decide I'm out of this job. I can't stand it. You know, I want to do music and I've never done. I'm doing it, you know, whatever. Um, and so I'm holding that in December. So if people want to, people are the, um, Facebook group.

Um, I'll be posting out like a link. You can go join or they can just ping me and I'll invite them. Okay. And then January will be a build on to that. And it's going to be a three to four day workshop. Um, kind of going a little, a little deeper. Around those and moving a little bit forward, right? Like how, when you start this practice and you admit it, what's the supportive like practices you can do to then start enacting on that.

And a lot of that's going to be around like patience self-kindness, um, re a new paradigm around what, what our timeline is supposed to look like slowing down, um, living by your temperature and what you need. You know what I mean? Um, and so, and then, you know, out of those, like I'm, what I'm excited about is offering people offers to work with me and what I like doing, and this is just me, my nature is like to work with me either.

Like in December, the offer is to work with me for like five sessions. And I do things like Voxer, where in between sessions, you could be like, Oh my God, this thing came up. And then I answered. It's like double coaching. Um, but the offer in January is like work with me intensely for three months. Because what happens is we, Oh, I go to a workshop, I got all these things.

And then two weeks later you forgot or something comes up and you don't got anybody to talk to. It's it's having support. Like, I call myself a journey, buddy. Like, it's having somebody right next to you. As you're running your marathon going, you're fine. You're going to be this. Okay. What do you want? You know?

Yeah. Let's get out of here. Are we going, are you ready? You know, or. You want to slow down. Okay. Like, whatever it is, like, I picture myself in a golf cart, like driving along, someone going like, you want to get in, are you tired? Let's pull over, you know, or what do you need? Who are you? You know, those things.

But I like to January is going to be like an intensive. So at three it's three months where like every week we meet wow. To get people foundations to just believe like. Cause, you know, you know, in your gut, you know, like what would you like, what are you here for? Even if it's just like, I really just want to be with my family.

I'm tired of working this job. I want to be with my kids. It's I want to make people. I want to make sure people know, it's not like I believe that people should go for humongous things. I think people should go for truth. Yeah. 

Jeremy: [00:51:04] right. 

Carrie Akre: [00:51:04] Again, 

Jeremy: [00:51:45] our guest is Carrie Akre offering. She's a life coach and a musician and, um, just a really fun and cool person to talk to you. I'm glad we had that opportunity. Her website is Carrieakre.com. And we will have of all the links to the Facebook group. She mentioned her Facebook page, her website, all that is on our website, the fitness.com, check it out, sign up.

I have people in my family have been in some of our seminars in the last few weeks, and it's been incredibly helpful for them. And I just, you know, again, she highlights the thing that we started talking about that. That so many of the answers that we're looking for in life, the big answers we have within us, and we just sometimes need someone or several people to go along on the journey with us for awhile and, and point out and ask the right questions and help us be a little more reflective to find those answers.

And that's, you know, the service that she offers in that way is so important. And, you know, and whether you go with her or a therapist or. There's somebody at work that, that you turned to. I just think that those relationships are so important. Uh, as long as you keep the focus on yourself and how those relationships can help you unlock a lot of those mysteries that you're looking for answers to in your life 

Zach: [00:52:55] with a growth mindset, be open to it.

Jeremy: [00:52:58] Yeah. And the other point that, that I really liked that she brought up is sort of going at your own pace. That, that this journey is not a race by any means. And this is something that I get sucked into all the time, especially doing research for the show, reading all the books that we read, like following the people that we follow online.

There's just, there's such an abundance of information and people that are far beyond where I want to be. And it's so easy, even in this space of trying to better yourself to get caught up in sort of a rat race of. How can I get to enlightenment fastest? How can I get, yeah. How can I lose the weight? The fastest, 

Zach: [00:53:36] the, the Joneses have a self-improvement.

Jeremy: [00:53:39] Yes, exactly. Like, you know, I don't, I don't need the fancy car. I don't need the fancy house. I just need to be able to like, you know, sit on a mountain top and be perfectly at peace for like three days. 

Zach: [00:53:49] I do a 90 minute meditation every day. What do you got, bro? 

Jeremy: [00:53:52] Oh, yeah. I love the, uh, you know, all you need is just to start with a simple morning routine, wake up, do an hour of yoga, sit and drink, tea and journal for 45 minutes.

Those people don't have kids, right. They don't have kids or jobs or lives, or, you know, any of the other, like they've, they've got it figured out so good for them. I don't know how they do it, but that, uh, you know, that is something that I get caught up in all the time is I'm not where I want to be. I'm not where I should be, but I think even on it, might've been our first episode of this show.

We talked about how wherever you are is perfect. Otherwise you wouldn't be where you are. You would be somewhere else. So. It's it's a lesson again, this, this episode keeps coming back to lessons learned over and over again. Um, and, and just having the right people in your life to help you acknowledge where you are on your path.

Zach: [00:54:43] Yeah, I think we, I think it, it said something to the effect of it's really good to have goals and aspirations and to better yourself and grow. But in order to do that, you kind of have to accept who you are for right 

Jeremy: [00:54:56] now. And that's, you know, there, there was this window in my life on this journey that I've been on for the last, I don't know where I'm at now, seven or eight years, but there was a point I think when I was losing weight the most and like eating the best and doing, and doing all of the things really consistently where I was able to look in the mirror much heavier than I am now and go it's okay.

Cause you're, you're doing, you're doing something about it. You don't like it, but this is, this is the reality. This is where you are. You're doing something every day to make it better. And I was, and, and it was working now. I look at myself in the mirror every day and go, ah, dude, how'd you get, how'd you get here?

What happened? And I can't just go make the next right step, do the next right thing and, and correct the problem that you see in the mirror. 

Zach: [00:55:46] I just break the mirror 

Jeremy: [00:55:49] might be a faster solution. 

Zach: [00:55:51] So part of being okay with who I am was, was getting to spend, you know, Thanksgiving with a very limited number of family members without drinking 

this year.

And I've just accepted the fact that I don't drink and that's okay. And I'm okay. But it was really interesting because I did bring some, uh, athletic brewing company beers with me and, you know, I had. Three, maybe four, um, got crazy, but you know, I had three or four and I was fine. And you know, it was interesting watching, you know, some of my family members, they weren't, you know, they weren't sloppy drunk, but they were drinking and, you know, speech got a little slurred later on in the evening.

But what was really interesting was, you know, we didn't go to bed until one o'clock. Um, and I woke up at my normal time six and I was a little tired, but I got up and I just, you know, made coffee and went about the day and I was fine, but I watched the other family members who had, were up until one who had been drinking and they were slow in the morning.

And you could tell that they were hurting and I was just so thankful. That I didn't have that problem because of athletic brewing company. 

Jeremy: [00:57:13] Yeah. It was the same for me. We didn't go anywhere, but we had tons of zoom calls all day, but, you know, I had had several of, uh, of their beers in the fridge and it was nice to be able to sort of celebrate normally like I, like I normally would have.

And, and it really like every time I have one, especially this time of year, because I'm coming up on my four years sober anniversary. And it's just, it's so funny. How there have been a number of times the other night, Cheryl opened a bottle of wine. It's just the two of us in the house. Right? Like the kids aren't going to have any.

I was just like, wow. Like, and part of me thought, not that I don't want to make it sound like she pounded a bottle of wine last night, a couple of times, but. I was tempted to go like, well, that's going to go bad. You're not going to drink a whole bottle of wine. I, you know, I can have a glass of wine. I'm not an alcoholic.

This is just the choice that I made about what I want to put in my body. But then there, there is that distant memory of waking up feeling horrible, no matter how good that moment of drinking is. So, uh, so again, just the quality of what athletic brewing company does is, is unmatched. They're outstanding.

And, uh, we can't recommend them enough. And, uh, if you're considering. Eliminating alcohol from, from your diet, especially as you're celebrating with family and trying to not say stupid things in front of them, uh, it's a really good way to do that. So, uh, check them out. There's a link to them on our website as well.

So with that, uh, our thanks to them, our thanks to you for being there and our thanks to our guest, Carrie Akre, again, links to all of her services and websites are on our website. The fitmess.com you while you're there, you can subscribe to our newsletter and win prizes. We have books, we have gift cards on the way drawings for those will be coming up here shortly.

And make sure you subscribe on whatever podcast player you use to get your podcasts and follow us, of course, on all the various social media platforms that you use. Uh, that's it for us. We're going to get out of here and we will be back next Wednesday. At our website, the fitmess.com. 

Zach: [00:59:08] See everyone, 

Jeremy: [00:59:08] we know this podcast is amazing 

and does not seem to lack anything, but we do need a legal disclaimer, 

Jeremy and Zach 

are not doctors.

They do not play them on the internet. 

And even if they did 

play them on the internet, 

they would be really bad at 

it. 

Please consult 

your physician 

prior to 

implementing any changes 

that you heard on this podcast. The listener assumes 

that Jeremy and 

Zach do not know what they are talking about. And that you will 

do your own research on the topics talked about on this podcast.

 

Carrie Akre

Life Coach and Musician

Carrie Akre is a certified Life Coach focusing on supporting clients in making big changes in their lives. She is also a musician best known for her work with Seattle underground bands Hammerbox and Goodness. Since Goodness disbanded in 1998, she has contributed vocals to the project band The Rockfords (which included Pearl Jam's Mike McCready on guitar) and released three solo albums.